On My Own
by lyrics.are.love
Summary: Edward and Bella have always been the best of friends. When Bella finally gets what she's been waiting for with Edward, is everything as it seems? What happens when her best friend Rose's brother comes to town? AH/Slightly OOC.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first attempt at fanfic and I'm oh so nervous. Be gentle! I'm a fic virgin!**

**Disclaimer: Though I wish I did, I don't own Twilight. ****Stephenie Meyer owns any Twilight characters that may appear in this story. **

----

"Bella! You have to stay still or I'm going to get this polish all over your thumb," little miss Sunshine screeched.

"Rose, it's not like I'm in a beauty pageant. I'm only going to the movies with Edward," I reminded her for the tenth time tonight as she attempted to put the last coat of nail polish on me. I knew involving her at all in my wardrobe decisions tonight was a bad idea.

"See, Bella. It's that attitude that makes it absolutely necessary to have me as a best friend. Don't you know the first thing about the rules of dating?," she asked with genuine disbelief.

"Uh, make sure I bat my eyelashes real pretty and pretend I'm stupid?," I asked her, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm telling you, Rose, it's not like that for Edward and I. We're going to the movies as friends like always. And tonight when he walks me to my door, if he even walks me to the door, because come on, it's Edward Cullen we're talking about here, I'll be lucky to get a pat on the back or a burp in my ear or something."

Rose looked at me with a smirk on her face and I knew that look all too well. I was about to hear life according to Dr. Hale again and I was in no mood. I knew she could see right through my little diatribe and I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of being right. Bitch.

"Oh silly, silly Bella. You know as well as I do that your relationship with Edward is anything but platonic. You watch his every move the same way he watches your every move. No one is ever going to be good enough for the other to date. Honestly, I can't believe it's taken this long for him to ask you out in the first place," she said rather smugly.

"If you two aren't exclusive by the end of tonight, I'll wear your grungy sweatpants for a week straight," she continued.

I smirked at her statement. Rosalie Hale in sweatpants. Sweatpants from Wal-Mart at that. Psh. Yeah right. But what if she's right? I have loved Edward Cullen in one way or another for almost my whole life.

Yes, he was my best friend, and therefore I automatically liked him more than any other guy. But lately when we hang out, I catch myself staring at him when he's not looking or wondering what it would feel like to run my hands through his messy copper, fantasy-inducing, wild hair. Sometimes it takes all I have not to attack him with kisses when we watch T.V. in his room. This can't be normal, can it? Absolutely normal for any other girl in our school, but Best Friend Bella, not a chance.

We have always been the touchy feely kind of friends, though. It's completely normal for Edward to flop on the couch, put his head on a pillow in my lap and make me scratch his head. He likes to hold my hand during movies and he has been known to drunk kiss me every now and again. That was as far as it normally went though.

The first time Edward made out with me was at a party he threw sophomore year when his parents were out of town. He made me promise that I would stay for the whole party even though he knew it was the last place I wanted to be. I stayed downstairs for awhile but once I saw Lauren Mallory throwing herself at him, I got a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach and retreated to his room to read until the night was over.

About an hour later, I heard the door to his bedroom open and Edward entered slightly wavering as he walked towards me.

He grabbed the book out of my hands and said, "How did I know I'd find you up here, my Bella? You're so different from those girls down there. So different."

And before I knew what was about to happen, his warm, full lips were on mine and I knew right away he was drunk but I didn't stop the kiss.

And it went on like that.

Edward would get drunk at parties and end the night by making out with me until his eyes drooped heavily and he passed out with his arm around my waist.

He never seemed to recall kissing me the next morning, but I knew the truth.

And the sad part was, I was okay with it. I got to be with Edward during those times. I had the chance to pretend like I was Edward's girlfriend, if only for a fleeting moment. Yes, I know. Absolutely pathetic.

But now, he wanted to go on an actual date with me? Like a real date, with me, Bella Swan? Something was just not right. Shake it off, Swan, this could be the beginning of something great here.

I had thought about it non-stop since Edward sat down at the table and asked if me if I wanted to go with him to the movies tonight. There was this look in his shamrock green eyes that I couldn't quite place. I've known Edward for practically my whole life and I had never seen him look so utterly nervous before.

I kept running the memory through my head over and over.

----

"Belly! Don't you look so cute today with your little rosy cheeks and creamy white skin and perfect-" started Emmett as he sat down next to me at our table in the cafeteria. He seemed to get bigger every time I saw him. His perfect curly hair was so dark it contrasted perfectly with his ice blue eyes.

"What do you need, Em?," I asked, afraid of what the answer would be.

"So, Rosie and my anniversary is coming up and I wanted to get her something really special. And since you're her best friend and I'm pretty emotionally retarded when it comes to sentimental shit, I was wondering if you'd go with me to get her present?," he finished, shooting me this heartwarming smile full of dimples.

How could a girl say no to Emmett Cullen?

He was nothing more than a giant teddy bear and one of my closest friends besides Edward. I would do anything for him, even if it meant spending the day at the mall. Which I despised with every fiber of my being.

"Sure. Why not? But, keep in my mind, you'll owe me, Cullen. When did ya wanna go?"

"Well, I was hoping we could go soon. Like today?," he replied quickly to make sure Rose wasn't around to hear us make the plans.

"I think she thinks that I forgot it. I'd rather her keep thinking that's true so she's even more surprised that not only did I remember but I also got her something that she'll really like. Guaranteed post-present action that way," he said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

I giggled and rolled my eyes, because what else can you say to your semi-big brother when he talks about boinking your best friend?

"Seriously though, Belly, you're a life saver," he boomed before placing a sloppy, wet kiss on my cheek.

Edward picked that time to come into the cafeteria and sit on the other side of me. He eyed us both warily before putting his books down and turning to us. "I'm not sure I even wanna know why Emmett is molesting your cheek, Bella, but could you guys knock it off before I get back with my lunch?," he snapped and I didn't know if he was joking or not.

"Jealousy killed the cat, Eddie," snorted Emmett. Aw, Em. God bless your heart, you tried.

"Actually, Emmybear, curiosity killed the cat, but you were close, tiger!," Edward snipped sarcastically before turning his attention on me.

"Hey, Isabella Marie," he started, as he tugged on my long, brunette hair, "We need to talk later. I was thinking you could come over after school and we could hang out," he asked hopefully.

Something about the way he was looking at me was telling me this time was going to be different then all the other times we had hung out after school.

By the time I started to form a sentence, Emmett had answered Edward's question for me, "She can't, Doucheward, she's going to the mall with me." Well, thank you very much, Emmett. Dick.

Edward looked from me to Emmett, furrowed his brow and said, "Seriously, what the hell is going on with you two?" I suppressed a giggle and tried to look as serious as possible.

"What's wrong Edwardo, can't handle someone stealing time with your precious BellaBear?," Emmett goaded. Poor Edward, I hated that he was getting so upset over something so silly.

"Bella, would you like to go to the movies with me tonight?," Edward asked out of nowhere almost challenging Emmett in a way.

To say I was dumbfounded would be an understatement. Edward stared into my eyes knowing if he gave me that crooked smile, I would agree for sure.

I blinked a couple times and asked, "What do you mean? Like a date?" He smiled his perfect half smile, looked to Emmett and then back to me, and said, "Yeah. A date. Tonight." Well, crap.

"Uh, yeah. Yes. I would like to go on a date tonight, Edward," I said just as Rose sat down with her lunch. "What?! What the hell did I miss?," she yelled. I blushed furiously, praying the entire cafeteria wasn't listening to her rant. "You and Edward are going on a date?!," she shrieked.

Cue everyone in the cafeteria looking over to the four of us.

I looked around, embarrassed, and shushed Rose before she could say anything else. "Rose! Oh my gosh! Why do you have to be so loud? Please be quiet!," I asked. Emmett threw his arm around Rosalie and gave her a kiss as his way of giving me what I asked for. God bless the big oaf. I turned to see what Edward's reaction was to all of this but he was nowhere to be found.

I looked to see if he was in line to get his lunch but I couldn't find him. I shrugged and figured he just had to go to his locker before class and went back to talking to Rose and Emmett. "What's up with, Edward, Em?," I asked trying to seem uninterested.

"I don't know, but he's had more mood swings then Rosie lately," he said as he got a swift smack on the back of the head from Rose. He flashed her an apologetic smile and they were back to acting like they were sickening newlyweds or something. Gross.

Yes, I'm jealous. Yes, I wish I had that with Edward. Bite me.

"Well, he's your brother. Don't you know what's going on with him?," Rose asked in a way only she could. SuperBitchy.

"Seriously, I have no idea. He seems fine one minute and then the next he's back to Broodward. Lately, the only time he smiles is when him and Bella are hanging out around the house and if they aren't hanging out he usually bolts out of the house the first chance he gets," he said, rather seriously for being Emmett.

"He never mentions anything being wrong when we hang out, so I have no idea either," I mused, while deciding whether to go look for Edward or not. I debated back and forth in my head if it would look desperate if I stood casually and pretended I needed to go out in the hall for something. I figured Emmett would be too distracted by Rose's boobs to really pay attention to me but I knew Rose was on high alert ever since she heard the word 'date'.

Finally, I decided to just get up and go look since, you know, I'm pathetic and all.

"Well, I um, forgot something in my locker, I'll be back," I finished lamely, knowing they saw right through me. Rose arched her perfect eyebrow at me and said, "Bella, we know you're going to find Edward. You really are so transparent." I flipped her off before I made my way out of the cafeteria.

I figured if Edward were anywhere, he would be in the music room. Sometimes he would sneak off there during lunch and play the piano rather than eat. It was always a sort of therapy for him. Whenever he had a bad day, I knew that he would drive straight home and play to calm him down.

Sure enough as I rounded the hallway where the music room was, I heard the faint sounds of the piano wafting through the hallways. It always made me smile when I heard Edward playing. I walked into the room quietly hoping I didn't interrupt him when he was in the middle of such an elaborate piece. As luck would have it though, Edward made eye contact with me immediately and stopped playing.

"What are you doing here, Bel?," he asked quietly.

"I was worried about you. You just disappeared from the cafeteria," I started hesitantly. There seemed to be this unexplainable tension in the air between us.

He smiled half-heartedly and sighed, "Well, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about."

"Edward, what's going on?," I asked nervously. He seemed so sad but at the same time angry and I couldn't figure out why. Was he not just asking me on a date ten minutes ago? What had changed since then?

"I can't talk about this here, Bella. I just- I really need to talk to you tonight. Meet me at my house at 6, okay?," he said as he stood from the piano bench and headed towards the door.

I nodded sadly and watched him walk away.

----

Rose finally finished polishing my nails and I got her approval on my wardrobe. She looked like a proud mother watching her child go away on her first day of school. I rolled my eyes at her as she pretended to dab at her dark-blue, almost violet, eyes and said, "They just grow up so fast."

"You are so stupid. I really don't know why I keep you around," I mocked.

She laughed and said, "You keep me around because I'm the best damn friend you'll ever have and you'll need someone to squeal to when Romeo sweeps you off your feet tonight." She sighed dramatically and pushed a piece of her golden blonde hair behind her ear.

I couldn't help but get butterflies in my stomach. Was it really going to happen like that? Were Edward and I going to be kissing each other at lunch like Rose and Emmett? Making everyone around us slightly uncomfortable and feeling kind of voyeuristic?

No, because the way they kiss at lunch is borderline vomit inducing and I will not partake in any hardcore making out activities where people are eating their lunch. I shuddered thinking about it.

"You are definitely right about the best damn friend I'll ever have, but the jury is still out on whether or not Edward is my Romeo," I said quietly. I knew to me, he was my Romeo, but was I his Juliet?

"Well, it's all in your head if you think Edward doesn't love you. He's so fiercely protective of you."

"Yeah, Rose, the same way that Em is protective of me. I'm their little sister. I always have been, since we were kids. Charlie and Carlisle would go on their fishing trips and Renee and I would go over the Cullen's to spend the night. It mostly consisted of Esme and Renee trying to get me to dress up and do girl talk and me desperately trying to escape such evil."

Rose giggled and shook her head, "The way Em told those stories was that you and Edward would disappear into your own little world during those sleepovers."

I smirked, "Yes, but only to hang out. He helped me hide from our moms. Never anything romantic. We didn't even kiss until that party at his house and we've never even talked about that. "

Rose's eyes widened, "You mean you've never even discussed his penchant for making out with you when he's drunk?"

"Never. I'm always too afraid to mention it the next day."

"And you secretly don't want to mention it to him because you're afraid that if you say something about it, the kissing will stop?," she wondered out loud.

"Yes and no. I know it's crazy to let someone do that but Rose, I have no clue what the hell is going on in my brain these days. I most definitely think about him in a more than friends way but at the same time I don't want to lose our friendship. It's too important."

I looked at the clock and realized it was getting close to six, so I told Rose I would call her when I got home tonight and hugged her goodbye.

As I opened the door, I noticed a red car I didn't recognize in the Cullen's driveway. I thought that maybe it was one of Edward's mom's interior design clients. Esme often worked from home so that she could be around whenever Emmett and Edward needed her. Which was often. They were both such Momma's boys. Rose and I made fun of them often but we always understood why they were. Esme was the perfect mother.

As I walked up the driveway, I got increasingly nervous about the date. Would Edward hold my hand during the movie? Would he kiss me when we said goodnight? Would Esme force us to take a million pictures so her and Renee could coo over their babies dating each other?

I had never been so nervous in my life. Would he still like to kiss me even though he's sober?

Ugh. I think I'm going to be sick.

Emmett pulled up in his Jeep before I had a chance to get to the door or throw up, so I walked down to see him before going in.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Yeah, so thanks for bailing on going to the mall with me, asshole," he snorted before hopping out of the car and going around to the other side to grab his gym bag out of the passenger side.

He looked me up and down, "Holy crap, Belly. You look hot."

I blushed ten shades of red and smacked his arm playfully, "Ew, Emmett. You're like my brother."

He smiled deviously, "Yeah, but so is Edward. Think about that when you're kissing him tonight."

I smacked him again and his expression tightened as he looked at me seriously.

"Are you planning on going all the way with him, Young Lady?" Asshole.

"Emmett Dale Cullen! I can't believe you just said that. I have half a mind to tell Esme what you just asked me," I huffed. 'Cause come on, it's really not fair to give Bella a panic attack before her date.

"I'm just kidding with you, Belly. You know that. But I am pissed that you ditched me for Eddie-boy. Plus, I couldn't say a damn thing about your complete lack of manners for completely blowing me off 'cause Rosie would know something was up."

I smiled, "I know. It was great. I'll make it up to you though, Em. We'll go tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, sure. As long as Edwardo doesn't come along and ask you on another date. 'Cause you'll always pick him over me. Bitch." I giggled. He went on, "I knew it was only a matter of time before you two stopped dancing around each other and actually went out."

Glancing at Emmett's cell phone in his hand, I saw that it was almost six. "Oh, speaking of which, it's almost six, Em. I gotta get inside to see ol' Eddie-boy," I said as I winked in what I hoped was a seductive way.

He laughed and shook his head, "Poor kid isn't going to know what hit him when you two get together."

We had reached the door by then and as Emmett swung it open, I got a peek over his shoulder and I almost thought we walked into the wrong house.

It was hard to see over Em's giant shoulder but I caught a glimpse of what was there. And that glimpse was enough to make me violently ill.

Edward, _my_ Edward, was frantically kissing an unfamiliar, strawberry-blonde whore. Emmett stood frozen at the door, not knowing what to do as I gasped loudly. Edward froze and removed his face from the skank, I mean girl, and sheepishly said, "Bella, hi. Er, you're early."

I shook my head in disbelief. Emmett looked at me nervously, willing me to say something, to say _anything_, with his eyes. I cleared my throat and managed to squeak out, "Well, it's a good thing, too, because now your schedule is completely clear to hang out with her. I'm cancelling."

It took all my strength not to break down right then and there as I backed out of the doorway. I didn't wait for a response from Edward. I didn't even have the strength to shut the door behind me. The next thing I knew, I heard a muffled shout and a slam of a door before I felt two, burly arms pick me up and carry me to the Jeep.

Emmett put me in the front seat and whispered as he buckled me up, "I'm so sorry, Bella. I had no idea he was seeing her."

I nodded my forgiveness even though he did nothing wrong and reached in my purse to pull out my cell phone. As we pulled out of Emmett's driveway and headed anywhere but there, I dialed Rose's familiar number.

She picked up after the first ring and her worried tone rang out, "Bella? I thought you were with Edward."

I didn't say anything.

"Bella? Are you there?," came Rose's worried voice.

I forced back the tears and simply said, "I hope you enjoy wearing my sweatpants all next week, Rose," and hung up.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I'm still so new to this and I have no idea how to get a beta, so if anyone can help me, it would be sooo appreciated. I'm pretty sure I need the help! But with that said, here's my next chapter! I hope you like it!**

**I own nothing, unfortunately. It all belongs to the great Stephenie Meyer.**

----

As I look out the window of Emmett's jeep, I can't help but cry. I know I'm only seventeen, but walking in on Edward while he had his face attached to that wench was undoubtedly the worse moment of my life thus far. I can't even begin to put to words the pain that radiated from my heart to my stomach as I watched her run her disgusting fake nails through Edward's beautiful hair.

The hair that I was supposed to be running my hands through. With my freshly polished nails courtesy of Rosalie. I choked back a sob and sniffed angrily.

Ohhh, Rosalie Lillian Hale was in for one hell of a tantrum from me.

I'm going to find the most hideous pair of sweatpants I own and take great joy in seeing her suffer wearing them. You just watch.

Rosalie, that bitch, convinced me that Edward shared all the same feelings for me as I did for him. She had such conviction when she was talking about the way we were together. And then I went ahead and did the dumbest thing I could possibly do. I believed her. I actually believed her when she told me Edward and I were going to be exclusive by the end of the night.

But as witnessed by myself and Emmett, that was the farthest thing from the truth.

Edward had feelings alright. But those feelings certainly weren't aimed in my direction.

Laughing coldly, I looked to my left and saw that poor Emmett was sweating bullets trying to figure out the best way to approach the situation.

My cell phone rang, for the fifth time, displaying Rose's name, but I dismissed it, each time getting a disapproving look from Emmett. Back off, buddy. Not the time to defend your girlfriend.

He must have seen me looking at him because suddenly, panicking, he said, "I'll kick his ass if you want me to, Bells. You know I will."

I smiled my first genuine smile, "No. It's okay, Em." He smiled back sadly and we continued driving. Where we were going, I had no idea. It just felt good to be far away from our houses.

I knew that something wasn't right in Edward's eyes when he asked me to hang out and then go to the movies. I always pictured Edward wearing a smile that went all the way to his beautiful green eyes before asking me on our first date.

Instead, he gave me the half smile just so I would agree to go. I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong then, but I know now.

The talk he wanted to have at his house was most likely about the girl attached to his face. Whenever Edward would actually agree to having a girlfriend, which didn't happen often, he worried that I would be jealous.

I, of course, would tell him to get over himself and hang out with Rose until they broke up.

Which was always pretty quick.

I liked to tell myself that he broke up with them because he missed hanging out with me and I was the one he really wanted to spend time with, but I knew it was only because Edward was bored with the girl.

The girls he dated or fooled around with never came to Edward's house though. It was like his unwritten rule. 'No girls allowed' or something equally juvenile.

Well, no girls but Rose and me.

So, the fact that this girl was not only kissing Edward, but she was inside his house while doing it, spoke volumes about their commitment. She was his girlfriend and Edward and I were still Edward and Bella, best friends forever.

I sighed because even though it wasn't the outcome I wanted, I could never have Edward out of my life completely.

I knew I would accept whatever Edward told me and play the picture perfect best friend because that's what I was and would always be.

I shook myself out of the funk I was in and turned to Emmett, "Okay, I'm done pouting. Let's go pick out Rose's anniversary present, Big Fella."

He smiled hesitantly, "Are you serious? What about everything that happened? Don't you wanna talk about it?"

"Honestly, I'll feel better if we don't talk about it right now. Trust me, Rose is going to give me the third degree when I get home tonight so the longer I can put that off, the better."

He ruffled my hair, "I'm proud of you, Bells. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry."

I took in a weary breath, "I'm not going to let him know I'm upset. Neither are you. As far as he knows, I thought I was going over to see a movie with my friend and that's it. No romantic implications, whatsoever."

He started to object, telling me that it was better for him to know but I stopped him. "No, Em. Seriously. The less he knows the better. I'm cashing in on you owing me for Rose's present with this. Do not say a word to him, please?"

He blew out a breath, shrugged his shoulders, and said, "Yeah. Sure thing, Bells."

I closed my eyes, put my head back, and listened to the radio as we drove on towards Port Angeles to get Rose's present.

----

"Bells, that's like the twentieth time Rosie has called you. Don't you think you're over-reacting just a little bit?," Emmett dared to say as we walked into the third jewelry store that day.

"Don't start with me, Emmett. I'll talk to her eventually. I'm just making her sweat it out a little."

"That's not very nice, Swan. She's worried about you. She knows how much Edward means to-," he stopped to peek at his phone and continued, "-you and she only wants to talk to you to make sure you're okay," he finished, proud of himself.

"Did you just read that from a text message she sent you?"

"No, I have no idea what you're talking about," he looked up at the ceiling as he said it, a complete indication that he was in fact reading said message.

I was about to yell at him for interfering when I saw the perfect present for Rose in a display at the back of the store. "Emmett, come here! This is it!," I called to him.

He walked up to the display and his mouth dropped. There in the case was a diamond encrusted sports car that hung daintily from a simple, white-gold chain. This necklace screamed Rosalie Hale.

Emmett called the salesman over and purchased the necklace and then we made our way out of the mall.

I climbed into the big old Jeep and we were on our way home. I closed my eyes and must have fell asleep because the next thing I knew, I felt Emmett shaking me awake. I blinked and realized we were already in his driveway. The whore's red car wasn't there anymore, not that I noticed or anything.

"Thanks so much, Bells. I think Rose is going to freak when she sees this."

I smiled, "No problem. Just remember what you're doing for me in exchange. Not a word to Eddie-boy."

I couldn't help but feel an ache in my chest as I said his name, even if it was only his ridiculous nickname that Em and I use to get on his nerves. It still hurt.

He nodded and smiled, "Whatever you say Jelly-Belly. As long as you think it's what's best."

I smiled and reached into my purse, pulling out my silver cell phone. "Well, time to face the music," I peeped as I pressed number two on my speed dial.

"Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you non-stop for the past two hours. You had better be on your way over here or so help me God," Rosalie shrieked at a decibel that rivaled that of one only dogs could hear.

I listened to her yell for a second more before telling her I was on my way to her house and hanging up. I hugged Emmett and climbed out of the monstrous Jeep. I waved bye to him before he shook his head no and scooped me up in one of his famous bear hugs. "I love you, Bells. Keep your chin up."

I trudged over to my house, looking back to see Em open and close the door to his house. I walked up my drive, into the front door, and called to Charlie in the living room. "Hey, Dad, I'm home. Sorry about dinner, I had to go with Emmett to pick out Rose's anniversary present."

He grumbled, "So that's why she called here ten times in an hour. She almost convinced me to send a search party out for you."

I grimaced. Rosalie must be feeling extra guilty if she called and bothered Charlie while he was watching baseball. That was like the worst thing you could do in Charlie's book.

I decided to take it easy on her as I trudged up to my room to change out of my ridiculous date outfit. It wasn't Rose's fault that Edward didn't feel that way about me. I'm sure to the casual observer that Edward and I look a little couple-ish but being on the inside I should have known better.

Shaking it off, I grabbed a change of clothes and my toothbrush, reached for my keys and headed down the stairs, tripping only once, and told Charlie I was staying over at Rose's. I kissed him goodbye and grabbed my bag from the table next to the door. Making sure I had all the provisions for the night at Rose's, I walked over to my beat up Chevy truck. She was old and rusted, but she was also solid and reliable, and I loved her.

Just as I was about to reach for the handle of the driver's side door, I heard a noise behind me. I turned around and saw none other than Edward himself shuffling his feet from side to side, looking at the ground.

I took a deep breath and waited for the inevitable news that Edward was once again seeing someone. After what seemed like a year of awkward glances and uncomfortable tension between the two of us, Edward decided to talk.

"So, I'm really sorry that things turned out the way they did today. I never intended for you to see that and I know that I said I wanted us to hang out it's just-," he stammered at a speed I almost couldn't keep up with.

He almost seemed… nervous?

Impossible.

Edward Cullen doesn't do nervous.

Before he could spew any more word vomit, I assured him that everything was fine. I knew in my heart that he didn't need to explain anything to me. However, my traitor brain begged to differ.

"She must really be special if you allowed her in your house, huh?," I edged looking him in the eye.

He nodded sadly, "I know that you get uncomfortable when I have girlfriends but I can assure you that our friendship will remain solid, Bella."

Friendship.

I felt that last bit of my resolve fade and a tear dropped from my eye. He wanted to remain friends?

And there it was. The last piece of my heart had been ripped from my chest. It's only fitting that he was allowed to break it like that.

He owned it after all.

He reached up to wipe the tear that fell from my eye and my breath caught in my throat. "Don't, Edward. Things are different now. You have a girlfriend." I pulled away from his hand and turned towards my truck.

"Bella, come on, don't pull the unreasonable jealous harpy card now. Nothing about our friendship is going to change."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He asks me out on a date, something he's never done before, and all the while he has a girlfriend. And I'm unreasonably jealous? Oh no. Fuck that, Edward.

"Everything about our friendship is going to change, Edward! You made a fool out of me today. For what? Were you just messing with Emmett asking me out on that date?," I asked, afraid of the answer and kicking myself for not thinking of it before.

"I thought you knew," he said, almost to himself.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. You were joking with me?," I yelled. "You can't just go around playing with people's feelings to get even with your brother, Edward! It hurts people. You hurt me!" What an asshole. I am through with you, Edward Cullen.

He looked surprised. He actually had the nerve to look surprised. "Bell, I knew you were going to take this girlfriend news hard, yes, but I didn't think you would care that we didn't go out on a date. I thought you were just going along with the joke."

He looked thoroughly confused and remorseful and I wanted to kiss him to make him feel better and then I slapped myself internally for thinking those traitor thoughts.

He broke your heart, idiot.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you would get this upset over this. What can I do to make it up to you?"

I looked at him like he had two heads because surely he could not be this blind. How can he not see that I'm not just upset, I'm completely heartbroken?

"Edward, I'm more than upset. I'm devastated. I was an idiot and let myself believe that you wanted to date me. I let Rosalie polish my nails for God's sake!"

I shoved my hands in his face to prove my point. He took one look at my nails and knew that this was serious.

"Bella, I had no idea. I don't even know where to begin to apologize to you. Anything you want, I'll do."

"Anything?"

"Yes, I will do anything to make this up to you."

"Give me space, Edward. I thought I could look past this and pretend like I was still Best Friend Bella but I just can't. I'm tired, Edward. I'm tired of competing for your attention. And I think that I'm not going to be able to find someone if my whole life is wrapped up in you."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. We've never spent more than two weeks apart from one another. You'll get over this."

I shivered at the thought of being separated from Edward, but I couldn't bear to be near this version of him. This person who was so callous with my feelings.

"Yeah, well, maybe that's our problem. We spend so much time together we forget that we have feelings. I'm not your sister, Edward. You can take things too far with me. And you know as well as I do that things have been different between us the past couple of months."

He wavered slightly, "Is this about me kissing you?"

"You remember doing it?," I asked in disbelief.

He blushed sheepishly, "Well, yeah, but you never mentioned it so I thought it was okay. I liked kissing you."

"Edward, did you ever wonder why I never said anything about it?"

He shrugged, "Because you didn't want to embarrass me?"

I shook my head, "No, because I was confused and, well, I liked it, too. But you know me better than anyone, Edward. You know that I don't go around kissing drunk guys. How could you not have known what those times meant to me?"

His face paled and he ran his hand through his already disheveled head of hair, "Oh my God. I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm such an asshole."

I couldn't disagree with him, and smirked sadly, "Well I knew that already, this just put the final nail in the coffin."

He frowned and blew out a breath, "Where do we go from here? I can't lose you in my life."

"I think right now, we have to spend some time apart. Leave the situation at me being dumb for thinking Edward Cullen could fall for the girl next door and Edward Cullen being an asshole for leading her on."

He looked insufferably striking as his eyes implored me to listen, "I don't want to spend time apart. Let's just pretend this didn't happen. I'll get my head out of my ass, I promise."

My whole body was trembling but I managed to get through what I had to say, "If you really want our friendship back, you have to let me heal, Edward. It's not your fault you don't feel the same way. But I need a clean break from us, just to sort through everything."

Before I lost my nerve, I turned around and hopped in my truck.

I waved to him sadly before backing out of my driveway and heading in the direction of Rose's house. I dialed her number quickly, "Rose? I'm almost there. Have the vodka ready. I'm gonna need it."

----

Rose looked like I'd run over her puppy when I relayed everything to her. I conveniently left out the part about shopping with Emmett, but told her every painstaking detail of my conversation with Edward. It's like my brain memorized our entire dialogue knowing that it would probably be our last for awhile.

"Are you okay, baby girl?," she asked as I laid my head on her shoulder.

I knew she felt bad. That's why when I walked into her room and she had two vodka shots with lemon slices and sugar waiting, I forgave her instantly, running to hug her and finally let my tears fall.

Four lemon drops and one quart of ice-cream later, we lay in her bed, pajamas on, talking until sleep overcame us.

"He just stomped all over my heart and I can't even be mad at him, Rose. I'm only staying away from him because I think it'll be easier to get over him."

She nodded in understanding, "Of course you need to stay away for awhile. Do you think it would be healthy to hang around him and that slut? Absolutely not and I'll make sure he doesn't parade her around it front of you."

"He won't. He knows now that I have feelings for him and he wouldn't intentionally hurt me."

Our conversation was interrupted when Rose's cell phone went off. It wasn't Emmett's ringtone so I wondered who would be calling her this late.

As she talked, I drifted in and out of sleep, trying to listen in to her conversation but feeling the effects of the vodka. I thought I heard her say something that couldn't possibly be true.

I could have sworn I heard her say, "What?! Jasper, you're coming to Forks?!."

Yep, that's what I was afraid of.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much to the people that reviewed this. It really means a lot to me. I'm trying to find a beta if anyone can help me out! Thanks again.**

**As always, Steph Meyer owns Twilight.**

----

**EPOV**

I punched my pillow as I got up for the fiftieth time tonight to see if Emmett was home yet. Tanya had just left and I had texted Emmett earlier to see if he was with Bella because I needed to know that she was okay.

He sent me a generic text back saying, 'She's fine, I'm with her.' And that was all.

Thanks, Big Brother. What a help you are.

I needed to know what she was doing. Was she crying? Was she laughing? Were her eyes doing that little twitch thing they do when she tries to calm herself down after being angry?

I groaned in frustration when I saw the driveway was still empty.

My God, they've been gone for two hours.

How much longer until I get a chance to explain to Bella that our friendship is still a top priority?

I threw myself back on my bed as I grabbed my phone.

Ten missed calls from Rosalie? What the hell?

Before I had a chance to call her back, I heard Emmett's loud ass Jeep pulling into the drive. I threw my phone, vaulted myself off the bed and out of the bedroom door.

I knew I would have to approach Bella carefully because she would most likely be one pissed-off, little firecracker. She never took me hanging out with another girl well.

I skipped down the steps, two at a time, sliding along the marble floor towards the door. I opened it, hearing Emmett and Bella talking in the driveway.

I saw Bella talking on her cell phone and I heard a muffled scream that sounded awfully similar to nails on a chalkboard.

I saw Bella pull the phone away from her ear before telling whoever was on the phone, most likely Rose, _it better be just Rose_, that she was on her way over.

And then I saw Emmett scoop Bella up in his gorilla-like arms and whisper, well Emmett's version of whispering anyway, to Bella that he loved her and to 'keep her head up'.

Whatever the hell that meant. Okay, so maybe I get a tad jealous when other guys pay attention to Bella but whatever. I just want to protect her.

I barely made it off the first step before Emmett's bounding up to the door, pulling me inside before I had a chance to stop Bella from going inside her house.

"Emmett, what the fuck?," I bellowed, trying to wriggle out of his vice-like grip.

"Bro, I'm not letting you go out there and mess with her. That girl is golden. You. Will. Not. _Fuck_. With. Her," he growled.

I was a little taken aback by Emmett's almost violent outburst. He rarely took a tone with me like this and I can count on my one hand the number of times he has physically restrained me.

"What is your problem, Em? I'm trying to go out there to rectify the situation, not make it worse."

He visibly relaxed, "Look, I know you care about her, Edward. As a matter of fact, I know you love her," I furrowed my brows at his statement but let him go on, "So just do what she asks okay. Be good to her. She deserves it. Let her down-," he started, but I caught sight of Bella through the window so I maneuvered myself around Emmett's big ass and booked it out the door.

I saw her walking to her car and as if she could hear me coming, she turned around and faced me.

The look on her face momentarily took my breath away and made me ache inside all at once.

I could barely breathe and my brain kept willing my mouth to say something already but I couldn't. I just kept shuffling my feet from side to side, trying to even my breaths enough to form a coherent thought.

Before I knew what was happening I started telling her how sorry I was about blowing her off, how I didn't intend for it to happen that way, and then the weirdest feeling came over me.

My palms were clammy, I could barely breathe, my heart was hammering out of my chest, and, fuck, why was I so hot?

Holy shit…I'm nervous. Huh. So _that's _what that feels like.

I'm standing in front of this five foot nothing of a girl and I feel like I'm about to pass out.

Eventually, I started to think straight enough to talk and I went on to tell her that Tanya was special but our friendship wouldn't change.

She told me that everything, would in fact, change and nothing would be the same anymore.

Then she put two and two together about my asking her on a date to get back at Emmett and she visibly paled.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. You were joking with me?," she screamed.

I tried to calm her down.

I told her not to get so upset.

That was when she dropped the bomb on me.

My heart stuttered to a stop when she exclaimed, "Edward, I'm more than upset. I'm devastated. I was an idiot and let myself believe that you wanted to date me. I let Rosalie polish my nails for God's sake!," after which she thrust her perfectly manicured fingers in my face.

Bella would never willingly let someone polish her nails. For anything. Not her birthday, not Christmas, hell not even as a dare.

This was big. I fucked up big time.

She's right. Everything is going to be different.

I started to panic telling her I would do whatever it took to make this right. To make our friendship right again.

And then she asked for the one thing I couldn't possibly do.

She asked me to stay _away_ from her.

She told me things had been different between us for months and I knew what she meant right away.

My tendency to kiss her every time I imbibe something alcoholic.

I never brought it up the next morning and I knew she wouldn't either.

Technically, I cheated on Tanya with Bella. I had most definitely drunkenly kissed Bella in the past couple months.

But things have been different in that respect for a long time. Like since tenth grade.

My drunk mind never could help itself.

I admitted sheepishly that I enjoyed kissing her but I never in a million years would have guessed she enjoyed it, too.

I always thought she was just my Best Friend Bella, as she had affectionately named herself over the years, that kissed her drunk ass friend back so he wouldn't feel bad about himself in the morning.

I begged and pleaded with her to change her mind about our time apart. I knew it would kill me to not talk to her everyday. I wasn't going to be able to do this.

Was Tanya worth losing Bella?

Then Bella put the final stake through my heart when she said, "If you really want our friendship back, you have to let me heal, Edward. It's not your fault you don't feel the same way. But I need a clean break from us, just to sort through everything."

And with that, she turned and hopped in her ancient truck and drove off, presumably to Rose's house to drink vodka and eat ice cream, like all the other times she was upset with me. Except this time, I couldn't make it all better.

And that thought fucking killed me.

I kicked the gravel under my feet and stormed into the house to lose myself in a bottle of tequila I stole from my dad's liquor cabinet and think of ways to make Bella talk to me again.

Emmett stopped me on the way back up to my room, eyeing the tequila bottle in my hand. "You're not planning on getting drunk and trying to make out with Bella are you?"

I flipped him off and headed into my room because, fuck, I know how big of an asshole I've been. I can see the error of my ways right now. Does he really think I would try to kiss Bella tonight of all nights?

I slammed the door to my room, twisting the lock, and opening the bottle of liquor immediately.

What the hell was this feeling in the pit of my stomach?

I heard my cell phone ringing and I flung myself at it hoping it was Bella but it was Tanya and surprising myself, I didn't answer.

I just wasn't in the mood. I wanted to wallow.

How could I hurt her? How could I be so blind that I never noticed my best friend was falling for me?

I knew she was upset when Emmett yelled at me before slamming the door shut to chase after Bella, but I had no idea it went this deep.

I can't believe I lost my best friend because I have a girlfriend.

I took another chug of the tequila and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Was Bella really going to stop talking to me?

Bella has probably missed out on a few boyfriends because I didn't approve of them, but that was different. I know what seventeen year old guys want. And they weren't getting _that_ from my Bella.

Bella was definitely possessive of me, as well. But it was understandable. I was her rock. Someone she could depend on no matter what.

She was by herself a lot in that big house next door because Charlie often had to work overnight shifts being the Chief of Police. On those days, I always made sure I was at Bella's house before Charlie's shift even started so she wouldn't have to spend a minute alone there. I stayed until the wee hours of the morning, sleeping on a rocker in her room until I heard the familiar sounds of Charlie's cruiser pulling into the gravel driveway.

Before I would leave to get a few hours of sleep in my own bed, I would kiss her forehead gently, and tell her to call me when she woke up.

It had always been that way. I didn't look at her as my little sister, I looked at her as my heart.

I just couldn't bring myself to be her boyfriend. I wasn't going to be the one to take away her innocence.

But, trust, I'm going down swinging to make sure no other motherfucker does either.

I think that was why Charlie was always okay with me hanging around Bella's house on the nights he worked late. He knew my intentions truly were good.

At least when it came to Bella.

There had been a couple times Charlie had busted me making out in the Volvo with random skanks around town, but he would just chuckle and tell me to 'move it along'.

The very select few girlfriends I had in the past, Bella never seemed to really take seriously. I would tell her there was nothing to worry about, that we'd always be friends, that there was no need for her to get jealous and she would tell me to get over myself, and that she would be with Rosalie when I got my head out of my ass and broke up with the bimbo. Her words, not mine.

But Bella, observant as ever, noticed that this girlfriend was inside my house.

Translation: Shit was about to hit the fan.

Emmett and I had always had a rule that no girl was allowed in the house.

Girls at school went crazy when they heard this. They thought it made us mysterious and brooding or that we had some deep, dark secret we were hiding.

Really, Emmett and I had made the silly rule when we were in elementary school and we only wanted our Mom around the house, for fear of a cooties infestation. The law was later amended to allow Bella and Rosalie, respectively. But no one else.

Until Tanya.

The fact that Tanya was under my roof showed Bella that this was serious, that this girlfriend is different.

And Tanya is different.

She lives in Port Angeles and I only see her a couple of days a week rather than everyday like the same old girls here in Forks. She also plays guitar, and sings, and she knows good bands. I really have a good time with her.

We've been together six months and it took me this long to even consider telling Bella.

I kept trying to assuage my guilt by theorizing that I couldn't have told Bella about Tanya right away. Like I said, she has an irrational fear of sharing her best friend.

Only now I know she had a _very_ rational fear of sharing the one she wanted to date.

Me.

I threw back another shot of the golden liquid and wondered when I became such a typical hormonal fucker.

I'm such an idiot.

How was I so _blind_?, I thought for the hundredth fucking time that night.

How could I be this careless with her feelings?

It was so easy to see now, that it was probably a bad idea to have allowed Tanya to stay as long as she did. I told her I was hanging out with a friend at six but she refused to leave until the very last minute. Probably because she knew that friend was Bella.

Funny thing, Tanya was jealous of Bella, as well.

Ain't love grand?

You know what they say though, girls are bitches. Oh and hindsight is 20/20 or some shit.

I was trying my hardest to get her out without hurting her feelings but she just kept fucking kissing me and running her hand over my junk and I just couldn't fucking tell her no.

I always blew off Bella for Tanya and I thought it was pretty fucking rude that she was distracting me from the task of telling Bella the truth, but like a dick I let it keep going.

I shuddered thinking about deceiving Bella when she would ask if I wanted to hang out, but at the time all I wanted to do was fondle Tanya.

I always had an excuse as to why I couldn't hang out with her like normal.

'Sorry Bell, Esme needs me to run to Port Angeles for a client', 'I can't I have a doctor's appointment' , hell once I even told her I was going shopping just because I knew she wouldn't tag along. Bella hates shopping.

Really, every free moment I had was spent sneaking away to Port Angeles and engaging in some very, very steamy activities with the very, very willing Tanya. I know it's completely perverted of me to say but I had to get it somewhere, right?

I had decided last night when I was driving home from Tanya's house that I was going to tell Bella about her the next day after school.

I really have no excuse as to why I felt the need to ask Bella out on a date when I saw Emmett kissing her cheek and talking about plans together after school. I almost think I was jealous and it propelled me into making the single most destructive decision of my existence so far. Until the day I die I will regret playing with Bella's emotions like that.

I thought that she had caught on that I was trying to best Emmett. I thought she noticed the playful, challenging look in my eyes when I looked from Emmett to her before agreeing on the date.

But no, as Emmett would say, Doucheward strikes again.

Bella not only got the wrong idea about us dating, she busted Tanya and I mid-grope in my living room as well.

Replaying the situation in my head and knowing what I know now, I should have recognized the emotion on Bella's face as she backed out of the doorway.

I've known her forever and she was never one to hide her feelings very well. It was how I always knew if she had a day where everything went wrong, how I knew the face she would make if Mike Newton put his arm on her shoulder longer than she liked, or how I knew when she was excited that a new recipe she tried to make for dinner was a success or not.

She couldn't lie to save her life simply because she was too pure. I should have been able to read every loving emotion on her face way before today.

Then why couldn't you see that she was in love with you, Einstein?

Feeling the effects of the tequila, I did something I probably shouldn't have.

I texted Bella.

----

**BPOV**

I couldn't possibly have heard Rose correctly.

Jasper Hale, Rose's half-brother, was coming here?

Fuck my life.

----

Jasper used to live with Rosalie and their dad here in Forks back when we were ten or eleven but he just couldn't adjust to life where it was so gloomy and wet, so he moved back to Texas with his mom. Him and Rose still talked practically everyday. Some days I would be over her house when he would call and I'd talk to him just to see how he was doing.

No one but Rosalie knew of the tiny little crush I had on Jasper.

Two summers ago, I was fifteen I believe, Esme and Carlisle sent Emmett and Edward to this baseball camp for four weeks to help them improve their game or something.

I was completely devastated of course, but Edward had said goodbye by ruffling my hair and telling me not to let my boobs get any bigger until he got back. Fucker.

Coincidentally, Jasper was flying into Forks around the same time the Cullen's were leaving, to spend three weeks with his dad and Rose. I had always thought he was so cute when Rose would show me school pictures of him every year.

I think Rose wanted to set us up or something because she begged and pleaded for me to come to the airport with her to pick him up. I agreed claiming to only do it because she was my best friend and I couldn't tell her no.

The morning we went to pick him up, I had changed my outfit five times. Five.

But whatever, this was all for Rose anyways.

Ha, keep telling yourself that, Swan.

We pulled up to the airport and Rose and I ran in to find Jasper while Rose's dad found a parking spot in the nearby parking garage. We weaved in and out of the massive sea of people until we spotted Jasper grabbing a green duffle bag off the luggage belt.

I think I actually squealed to myself when I got a good look at him.

His pictures did him no justice whatsoever. His honey blonde, almost curly hair was longer than it was in his last school picture and he had to have been well over six foot three. He was lanky but muscular and he just oozed confidence.

He was the same age as Rosalie which meant that Mr. Hale had been with both of their moms close together, but there was no resentment between Jasper and Rose. They hugged each other tightly and Rose wiped tears from her eyes after letting go of him.

As he let go of Rose, our eyes met and I blushed furiously. He smiled a beautiful smile and held out his arms to me, "Aw, Bella. Get your blushing butt over here and give me some sugar!"

I giggled and obliged him happily. He pulled back and grabbed Rose's hand, "So where is our dearest Father, sis?"

She rolled her eyes, "_Daddy _is parking the car. I couldn't wait for him though. I was too excited. So was Bella."

I tripped her.

Jasper laughed, "I have a feeling this is going to be a great three weeks."

And a great three weeks it was.

Rose, Jazz, and I had a blast while he was in town.

Edward would text when he could but it wasn't often and most of the time it was just to make sure my boobs hadn't grown any in his absence. I assured him they hadn't and he informed me that he would be happy to measure them when he got back just to make sure. He asked me to text a picture of them to him so I texted a picture of me flipping him off.

Jasper was constantly surfing the internet to find fun things to do even though Rose and I both tried to warn him that fun and Forks weren't exactly synonymous with one another.

But Jasper found awesome things for us to do.

We went to Seattle to hear a rock band play and I couldn't see the stage from where we were in the pit, so Jazz held me on his shoulders.

We went to Port Angeles to play laser tag because Jasper said if he didn't do something manly soon he was afraid he'd go crazy but the whole time he made sure no one tagged me, often getting himself tagged in the process.

And the day before Jasper was supposed to leave to go back to Texas, we even went to First Beach on the La Push res to attempt to surf.

Okay, so that last one didn't go over so well. I ended up with six stitches at the top of my head where Rose's surfboard hit me before we even made it down to the beach.

Jasper had been so sweet though. He held my hand the whole time I got the stitches, even though getting them didn't phase me a bit. I was used to them by now.

That same night as we pulled into the Hale's driveway, Jasper offered to take me to dinner to make me feel better. Rose bowed out gracefully claiming to have a raging headache from dealing with my clumsiness. I blushed and then flipped her off before she got out of the car.

We drove to the diner talking about anything from our favorite books to past relationships. By the time the night ended I was completely intrigued by Jasper Hale. Just my luck, I finally start to feel something for someone other than Edward, and he lives in a different state.

When Jasper pulled into my driveway that night, he put the car in park, and we sat awkwardly looking at each other.

I said the first thing that came to mind, "I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Jazz."

He smirked, "I like when you call me that."

I blushed and looked down. I felt his hand tilt my chin up and suddenly we were kissing furiously. My mind took a minute to register that Jasper Hale was indeed kissing me, but soon I was practically mauling him as his hands ran up and down my arms.

Eventually, we were out of breath and uncomfortable from leaning over the gears, so we climbed out and made the trek up to my front porch. Jazz took a deep breath and said, "I want to take you to breakfast tomorrow morning before I have to leave. I hate that it took me three whole weeks to get up the guts to actually kiss you."

I sighed and said the only thing I could, "I would love to go to breakfast with you, Jazz."

It almost sounded like he growled as he leaned forward to kiss me again. This time we had more room to explore each other and ended up making out on my front steps for a half an hour. Eventually he pulled away and said, "I'll be here bright and early to pick you up, sweet thang."

With that he playfully swatted my rear and jogged to his car.

I watched him pull away before flying up the steps and collapsing on my bed.

Rose called me a little while later to make me tell her every detail of the date that wouldn't make her vomit, so I did and eventually told her I was getting up early to have breakfast with Jasper so I had to go.

Breakfast with Jazz was fun and sad at the same time. Three weeks seemed so quick to develop the feelings I had for Jasper so I kept telling myself it was just a summer fling and it was fun while it lasted.

When we had finished eating, we drove down to First Beach again just to have somewhere quiet to talk. He promised no surfboards.

We had walked in companionable silence for awhile, until Jasper turned to me and said something that completely caught me off guard.

"Bella, I really like you. You're smart, you're pretty, you can put Rose in her place which is a feat in and of itself, and you are just so damn innocent. You are nothing like the girls in Texas, that's for sure."

I laughed, "That's a good thing, right?"

He smiled this gorgeous smile and nodded before pulling me into a searing kiss that left my lips feeling numb.

Edward who?

"I know I can't ask you to be my girlfriend now, it wouldn't be fair to either of us, but if I were to come back sometime, you think you'd be up for a date?"

I didn't even have to think about it, "Definitely."

Eventually, we had to go back home so Jasper's dad could take him to the airport. He invited Rose and I to come along, but I had to stay behind claiming that Charlie needed me to make him dinner. Really, I just didn't want to see him go.

When Rose got home that night, she stopped by my house to give me something that Jasper had asked her to drop off.

It was a single rose, a picture of him and I that we took when we went to the mall one of the nights he was here, and a note that said, "Someday."

----

I pretended to be asleep so I could shamelessly eavesdrop on Rose's conversation.

"Jasper? What happened? Why are you moving back to Forks?," Rose asked, voice full of concern.

"That's awful. Well I'll pick you up at the airport then. Listen it's late and Bella's staying over and she's kind of upset, so I gotta go," she mentioned briefly, looking down to see if I was awake.

Apparently, upon hearing my name, Jasper wanted to know more.

"I don't know. It has to do with Edward. Yeah, he's being an ass like always. Okay, well I'll see you soon, Jazz. Love you."

And with that she hung up.

"Honestly, Bella, you are a terrible actress. I knew you were awake the whole time."

Bitch. "Shit, Rose, did you have to tell Jasper that I was upset over Edward?"

She smirked, "Hey I'm going to use anything I can to ensure that my brother gets you over that douche bag."

I shook my head and blew out a breath. "So why's he coming home?"

"His mom is remarrying and apparently the guy is a total asshat to Jasper. He figured now was as good of a time as any to come back. He already has enough credits to graduate, so he figures he'll just take bullshit classes until the end of the year. Apparently, he just got his acceptance letter from University of Washington yesterday, so he decided to pack up his shit and come back early."

I gulped.

Jasper is coming back to Forks.

Suddenly I was giddy with excitement.

Jasper was coming back to Forks!

Maybe I'll be happy after all.

Just then, my phone beeped. I flipped it open to see who the hell could possibly be texting me now.

Of course.

Edward.

_1 new text message_

_3/12/09 11:34 p.m._

_I want to kiss you._

Fuck my life, indeed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey there! Thanks again to all who reviewed. They really make my day!**

**Special thanks to AmeryMarie for telling me how to get a beta. **

**I hope you guys like this one! If you do, let me know! **

**Disclaimer: Ugh, Edward and the gang so don't belong to me, as sad as it makes me. All Stephenie Meyer!**

**----**

**BPOV**

"Why is he doing this to me, Rose?"

She grabbed the phone from my hand and read the message that Edward had just sent me.

"Obviously he wants an ass-kicking from yours truly, that's why," she smirked as she handed the phone back to me. I was confused enough as it was, did he really need to send me a message telling me he wants to kiss me?

The sick thing was I almost texted him back, I almost gave in.

I knew it would only complicate things, though.

Plus, he has a girlfriend.

I groaned again. "What am I going to do, Rose? How am I going to get through this? I've never gone longer than a day without talking to Edward."

Who was going to stay with me when Charlie worked the night shift?

No one Bella, this break is supposed to make you independent from Edward. Break out on your own, remember?

I laid my head on her shoulder. These were the times I wish my mom lived closer to me. Isn't that what mom's do, help you get over your first heartbreak? When she and Charlie divorced when I was 12, she moved all the way to Florida.

She had asked me if I wanted to move with her but the thought of being away from Edward, Emmett, and Rose made me ill. Plus, I knew Charlie couldn't live alone. He is dangerous in the kitchen.

"I know it seems really hard right now, but I'm going to help you through this," Rose promised.

"I just don't get why he didn't tell me about her. And to make me think we were going on a date? It's so unlike Edward to be so neglectful of my feelings. Ugh, and she was in his house, Rose. That's a big deal and you know it."

"She can't mean that much. He was making out with you after Newton's party. And that was like, what, three weeks ago?"

I smiled despite the mood I was in. That night after Mike's party was my favorite time kissing Edward.

----

Edward had convinced Mike to throw a party while his parents stayed overnight in Seattle. Emmett had managed to obtain a large quantity of alcohol and had anchored himself to Mike's bar in the basement, deeming himself Bartender Emmett for the night.

I decided that since we all lived within walking distance of Mike's house that I was going to partake in drinking. Something I didn't do all that often.

I sidled up to Emmett and asked him to make me something fruity and to make it extra strong.

He started mixing stuff right away and I took a peek around the room to see if I could spot Edward. I figured he'd be surrounded by his usual flock of skanks but I couldn't find him.

When I had turned back to Emmett he presented me with my drink, "Sex on the Beach, extra Sex," and then he winked.

I clutched at my heart, "Save the sweet talking for Rose."

He scoffed, "Do you think Rosie likes sweet talking? Please, my girl's a straight dirty talker. I remember this one time she told me-"

I cut him off by putting my fingers in my ears and shutting my eyes, "I can't hear you, Em, la la la la la."

When I peeked my eyes open, Edward had taken a seat in the barstool next to me.

I grabbed my drink and finished it in one long sip. Emmett looked proud, Edward looked pissed.

"What's the matter, Eddie-boy?"

He glared at me, "I just don't want a repeat of my cousin's wedding tonight that's all."

I rolled my eyes, "Edward, I drank one glass of champagne and danced with Rose."

"You called that dancing? You were grinding on each other!"

"Tomato, tahmato, I called it dancing."

He gulped his own drink, "I just don't want to have to kick Newton's ass in his own house for grabbing on you 'cause your drunk."

"I think I can handle Mike Newton, thanks."

"You don't know how these guys can be, Bell. They take advantage of drunk girls at parties."

"Hm, sounds a lot like this guy I know, tall, green eyes, know him?"

He ran his hand through his hair, making it impossibly messier, "Hey now, this is about your virtue, not mine. Plus I never take advantage. They come willingly."

"Well you don't need to spend your whole night protecting it, okay?"

He looked at me in disbelief, like the idea was absurd.

"That's exactly what I plan to do. No one is taking advantage of you."

I saluted sarcastically, "Don't worry father, hymen's still in tact."

He smiled, smug, "Damn straight."

I rolled my eyes, pushing off the bar to go look for Rose, but Edward grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Hey, wanna get outta here?," he asked, smiling his beautiful crooked smile.

Damn. He had me.

I took his drink out of his hand and finished the rest before saying, "Okay, I'm ready but let's say bye to Rose first."

We walked towards the door where I saw Rose sitting with Angela.

I hugged her, while she whispered in my ear, "It's awful early to be going home. Are you sure you're not going back to Edward's?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

I giggled 'cause I was feeling tipsy and told her to shut it.

As Edward and I walked the short distance home, he stopped me, looking torn, "Look Bell, I'm sorry I went all SuperDad on you back there, it's just so frustrating to watch guys try to pick you up with stupid pick up lines. I couldn't stand to see you fall for some line at a party and get hurt later on."

I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "But isn't that my decision to make?"

He nodded sadly, "You're right."

We walked the rest of the way to his house in silence, slipping through his front door quietly, even though Esme and Carlisle pretty much expected me to stay over on the weekends. I mean I even had my own toothbrush in their bathroom holder.

I quickly grabbed a pair of shorts and a tshirt from Edward's dresser and made my way to the bathroom to change.

When I came back into the room, Edward had his ever famous bottle of tequila he swiped from Carlisle out.

He poured two shots into shot glasses handing me one as I sat down on the floor by his bed with him.

This shot was likely to put me overboard.

Eh, what the hell. I hadn't really had a chance to hang out with Edward lately. He seemed to always be busy these days.

I threw the shot back as Edward handed me a beer he swiped from Newton's to chase it with.

He took his shot, finishing off the beer, and placing the empty can on his desk.

We talked and laughed for a little while, until it got really quiet and an unexplainable tension crept between the two of us.

He looked me in the eye and whispered, "You know I really am lucky."

I looked at him confused, "Uh, okay?"

He laughed, "No, really. I am. I have the prettiest girl in Forks, hell anywhere, wearing my clothes, spending the night with me, and I bet I could get her to kiss me."

I blushed, "Nice try, buddy."

He stood up quickly, grabbing my hand, and pulling me so that I was standing with him.

"Bella, my Bella, you know I can get you to kiss me."

I swallowed hard. Sheesh, when did it get so hot in here?

Edward slowly pulled me towards him, placing both hands on my hips.

The feeling made me shudder. He knows what he's doing to me, jerk.

He brought his hands up to cup my face before slowly tracing his tongue along my lips, bringing me in for a kiss that literally made my knees week.

Soon we were kissing furiously, each battling for dominance with our tongues.

I was entirely too drunk for this kind of action. If he kept going I was likely to lose my V-Card right then and there.

Here you go Edward, here's my virginity, just don't ever stop doing that thing with your tongue. Seriously, it was like some weird, voodoo tongue seduction or something.

It. Was. Wonderful.

Before I knew what was happening, Edward had guided us to his bed where he started placing chaste kisses from my fingertips, up my arms, onto my shoulders before kissing a spot right below my ear that I swear if he licked it, I would spontaneously combust right there.

I felt like we were on fire.

Every kiss and flick of his tongue set us aflame even more.

I welcomed the heat.

He pulled back, with an inferno brewing in his beautiful green eyes and said, "You know I mean it when I say you're my heart, right?"

That did it.

The impossible heat that was burning between us increased, tenfold.

Burn, baby, burn.

He started to slowly put his hand under my shirt, sweeping his fingers over my stomach, getting lost further in the kiss.

He inched his way higher, until his hand was just below the underwire of my bra.

He kissed me greedily, but his hand hovered in that same spot.

I was eager to be completely engulfed by the heat, so in a ballsy move I grabbed his hand and put it directly on my breast.

It all happened very quickly after that.

Edward pulled away from me, scrambling to get off the bed and away from me.

He tugged on his beautiful bronze hair so hard I thought for sure he'd made a bald spot, "Bella, I can't believe I did that. I'm so sorry. It was wrong."

He grabbed a pillow and a blanket from his closet and made a make shift bed on his couch.

And I felt....cold.

No more burning Bellaward? Yeah, I Brangelina'd mine and Edward's name, so what?

Why did he stop? He started it after all, isn't it only fair he finished it? That thought made me furious.

He stopped and it doesn't bother him at all. When would I learn my lesson when it came to him?

I jumped off the bed, threw on my shoes, and turned to face him, "You know you don't always have to be so damn virtuous when it comes to me!"

He looked at me sadly, "Yes, I do Bells. For more reasons then you know."

I pushed past him without saying goodbye and cried all the way to my room.

----

I looked at Rose, "And we still haven't talked about it. That kiss was different than all the others. All the other times were guarded, that time he really let go."

I hated how Rose looked at me. So full of pity. She had her Prince Charming and I get dicked over by Charming's brother.

"Don't worry, we'll get through this. Let me see your phone."

I looked at her confused but handed it to her anyway.

I watched as she scrolled to Edward's message and she typed:

_New Message _

_3/12/09 11:58 p.m._

_The only thing you can kiss  
__is my ass, Edward._

I chuckled and managed to grab the phone from her before she could press send. She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, it's probably better that I didn't send it. He's probably drunk off his ass right now and would take that message as an open invitation."

I laughed, "You're right. It's definitely better that I don't send him any message back. He needs to know that I'm serious."

"Just think, Bell, Jasper will be here before you know it and you know he'll find plenty of things for us to do that will keep your mind off Edward."

I became giddy at the thought.

Yeah.

Maybe Jasper was exactly what I needed.

----

**EPOV**

It had been thirty minutes since I sent Bella that message telling her I wanted to kiss her. Thirty minutes and not one reply. Why had she not replied?

Uh, maybe because you broke her heart, dumbass.

I am never going to last not talking to Bella.

I keep looking at my phone expecting, more like willing, it to light up with a message.

I'd even take a 'fuck you, asshole' at this point.

I sulked over to my bed, tossing back the tequila bottle, gulping it greedily. How can she do this? She relies on me. I take care of her. I have to protect her.

Who will do that now?

I laid in my bed for another hour or so hoping Bella would call or text or visit with no such luck.

Why isn't this hard for her?

I feel like my soul has died.

Yeah, Em's right.

I am Emoward.

I trudged over to my laptop to make a playlist of the most depressing songs on Earth, flopped back on my bed and waited for sleep to overtake me.

----

I heard a faint noise, like the keys on a computer keyboard being tapped, and I wasn't sure if I was awake or dreaming. Maybe last night was just that, a nightmare. Maybe Bella really isn't avoiding me at all costs and maybe, just maybe, I can make sure I never screw up like I did in that awful nightmare ever again with her.

I peeked one eye open, hoping against all hope, that it was Bella at my computer but no, Emmett the Gigantor was hunched over my laptop playing online poker.

I groaned and pulled my comforter back over my head.

"Ahh, so Drunkward the Emo Bitch is wakey-wakey, huh?" Emmett mocked, with a bit of irritation in his voice.

I know that tone. He's either going to lecture me or put me in a headlock. Either one wasn't comfortable.

"Don't you have a girlfriend you can annoy? Why are you here?"

"Well considering some lovesick puppy kept his whiny, depressing music on continuous play all night long with the door locked, my choices were either pick your lock to turn it off or slit my wrists to end my suffering. Plus, Rosalie is busy comforting Bella."

He picked up a baseball off my desk and began tossing it up in the air. "Care to tell my why Bella needs comforting? I thought you were going to make it all better with her?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "I tried. I didn't know she felt that way about me. When she saw me with Tanya it was like the straw that broke the camel's back. She doesn't wanna see me anymore."

"Bullshit."

I agreed, "I know, right? We could work through it."

Emmett shook his head, "No, I mean bullshit you didn't know how she felt about you."

He went on, "That girl looks at you like you hung the moon and you repay her by asking her out on a fake date? To what? Get back at me? No, no, there's something not right with this picture."

"I'm too hungover for your theories right now, Em."

His eyes lit up, "You're scared!"

Come again?

"What exactly am I afraid of, Oh Wise One?"

He answered simply, "Bella."

I rolled my eyes, "Why would I be afraid of Bella?"

He shook his head, "Not Bella, but you're feelings for her. She's not just your friend, Edward. Why do you think you are so damn protective of her? You go apeshit if a guy so much as puts his arm around her."

I tilted my head as if doing so would make what he was trying to say more clear, "So, I make sure no guy takes advantage of her because I like her as more than a friend?"

He nodded.

"Stick to football, Em. Psychology is not your forte."

He flipped me off, "Hey, I'm protective of Bella, too. But not in the same way you are. I let her make her own decisions. That's the difference between me and you. I protect her from bullies and jealous skanks. You don't let her do anything without your approval."

"I just make sure no one takes advantage of her Emmett, I didn't do any of that because I like her as more than my friend."

Emmett snorted, "Don't give me that sanctimonious bullshit attitude, Edward. You did it because you don't want anyone else to have it. You want to be her first, her last, and her only. You're just too blind or scared to see it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Emmett. But anyways, how was she when you talked to Rose today?"

"Deny, deny, deny all you want Eddie. I know the truth. But, I don't really know how she is. As good as can be expected, I guess. Rosie is taking her furniture shopping so they can get her brother, Jasper, some stuff for his new room."

I thought hard but for the life of me couldn't place a face to that name.

"Why is he coming to Forks? And in the middle of second semester?" I asked as I slowly got off my bed. My head was pounding. Like sledgehammers to the dome, pounding.

Emmett shrugged, "I don't know, he doesn't get along with his stepdad or something. Plus, he's like crazy smart and already has all his core credits to graduate so all he has to do is take bullshit classes. He got his acceptance letter to U-Dub yesterday so it all worked out for him. Rose is stoked."

I nodded my head, "That's cool. I'm glad Rose will have her brother around now."

He grinned, "A happy Rosie means a happy Emmett, if you know what I mean."

And that's my cue to get my ripe ass into the shower.

----

Standing under the steaming hot water, I couldn't help but go back to what Emmett was telling me about Rosalie's brother.

Why can't I picture what this kid looks like? I know I knew him when we were ten but he wasn't here long and I can barely remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday.

Jasper.

Why the hell do I know that name?

I scrubbed down, not wanting to be in the shower long 'cause it was making me woozy, and grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around me as I stepped out.

I must have been thinking hard because suddenly I was falling ass over end, Bella-style.

I cracked my head on the sink and cried out in pain.

OW.

I stood up slowly as not to repeat the fall.

I winced when I put my hand on the back of my head. Oh yeah, I'm gonna need stitches.

Then, all of sudden, the memories hit me.

----

We had just gotten home from the ridiculous baseball camp that our parents sent us to and I was so eager to see Bella, that when we pulled into the driveway, I just about took the car door off the hinge getting out. I didn't even bother with getting my stuff out of the car, it could wait. I took the steps leading up to Bella's room two by two and practically kicked in her door.

"Honey, I'm home!"

She squealed and flung herself into my arms. I was assaulted by her strawberry shampoo smell and knew I really was home now.

I pulled back and kissed her forehead, noticing that she had fresh stitches on her head.

"What the hell did you do to your head now?"

She chuckled, "Oh I tried surfing with Rose and Jasper. Didn't go over so well."

I smiled, trying to squash the jealous rage that flew through my body at the name Jasper, "Sounds like fun. What else did you do while I was gone?"

She squealed and said, "Oh my gosh, we had so much fun. We went to a rock concert in Seattle and we played laser tag in Port Angeles-"

I cut her off because it was starting to piss me off how much fun she had while I was gone.

"So, did you miss me at all or were you having too much fun with _Jasper_?"

She smiled a genuine smile, hugging me again, "Of course I missed you!"

Just as I was about to bury my face in her hair again, I looked over her shoulder and noticed something I had never seen before on her dresser.

It appeared to be a white vase with a long stem rose that seemed to be two or three days old, a note that looked like it said 'Someday', and a strip of pictures that looked like they came from one of those cheesy photo booths at the mall.

I let go of Bella, walking over to look closer at the pictures.

One was of Bella and who I assume to be Jasper crossing their eyes and sticking their tongues out.

Another was the two of them with their heads close together smiling.

And the last, made me want to rip the strip of pictures to shreds. Jasper was kissing Bella's cheek and she looked really happy.

Too happy.

----

Now this Jasper, who had his disgusting lips on Bella's cheek, was coming back for good?

And I just broke her heart to pieces.

I am so royally fucked.

I'm going to need more tequila.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! I'm so glad you're liking this story! It really helps to hear from you so any comments or concerns or criticism is welcome! I plan to update pretty regularly so hang in there if you don't get exactly what you want in this chapter! There will be plenty more drama to come, trust! **

**Special thanks for reviewing Chapter 4 to: 123appletree, i-heart-music-is-life, winternow, PsychWardSiren, NenaaTH, and of course AmeryMarie for being so awesome!!**

**I wish I owned the rights to Twilight but I don't. The wonderful Stephenie Meyer does!**

**----**

**BPOV**

I woke up late the next morning to Rose telling me to get my ass up and shower because today we were going to buy some furniture for Jasper's room as a surprise welcome home gift. I knew it was an excuse to get me out of the house and to try to get my thoughts off Edward, but I freaking welcomed it.

You know I must really need the distraction if I willingly agree to go shopping. That shit just doesn't happen often.

At any rate, I got ready quickly and Rose and I were on our way.

As we drove, Rose was quiet which wasn't unusual when she knew I had a lot on my mind. She liked to let me think through everything I was feeling before forcing me to talk about it.

It was why Rose and I worked as best friends.

She was more than willing to give me her two-sense, but only when she knew I was ready for it.

She knows I get a little emotional and I have a hot temper, a characteristic both of us share. Her tough love approach to life just clicks with me. I adore her for it.

She may come off as a frigid bitch to others, but Rosalie has one of the purest hearts of anyone I've ever met. When she loves someone, she protects them with everything she has. She's so fiercely loyal to her loved ones, it's hard not to love her just as much in return.

There's something about those Hale kids, let me tell you. Something great, definitely.

Last night wasn't one of my best nights. I cried a lot into Rose's shoulder after she got off the phone with her brother.

For some reason the thought of starting something with Jasper brought about feelings of euphoria and dread all at the same time. Of course the thought of being Jasper's girlfriend was exciting, but the thought of not even being Edward's friend right now seriously bummed me out.

I like Jasper. Like a lot. Don't get me wrong.

But it was a lot easier to get to know Jasper when Edward wasn't around. I thought about Edward a lot when he was away and it really did make me sad that he was gone, but Jasper somehow made me forget everything going on in my life. He made me remember what it was to just be myself and live for me, by my standards, rather than Edward's ridiculous guidelines.

Edward has me up on this pedestal that I don't belong on. I sin just like everyone else. I curse like a sailor, I drink, I've tried smoking weed before, and occasionally, okay frequently, I have impure thoughts about my gorgeous, green-eyed best friend.

What I don't understand about Edward and his bizarre perception of me is, if he thinks I'm so pure and wonderful, why doesn't he date me himself?

Why is he dating _her_?

Ugh, this is so frustrating. Get him out of your head, Bella. Thinking about him and comparing him to Jasper is not going to help your situation.

I turned up the radio in Rose's car, but of course it was some indie rock song that reminded me of Edward, so I turned it off almost immediately.

God, I am so self-involved.

I need to talk about something besides my shitty life at the moment.

"So Rose, what did you get Emmett for your anniversary?"

She smiled wickedly, "Well technically I got him two things, but I'm sure you'd only want to hear about one of them."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, please spare me the raunchy details. What's the thing I'd want to hear about?"

"Season tickets for the Seahawks next year. Right on the 50-yard line. He's going to shit."

"What a lovely image, thank you. So do you think you'll go with him?"

"He better take me at least once! I look hot in a football jersey. But I'm sure he'll want to take Ed- I mean other people once in a while." It looked as if she was mentally scolding herself for mentioning Edward.

"It's okay to talk about him," I started. "We live right next door to each other. Plus, I'm going to see him in school. I don't want to send him into exile. I just want to distance myself. Maybe I'll sit with Angela at lunch so he has you guys."

She turned her head swiftly, "You'll do no such thing! He made this fucking mess, he needs to face the consequences of his actions. Let him take the blame for once, Bella. He needs it. You're always so forgiving of his actions. That's why he controlled you for as long as he did. He knew all he had to do was give you that smile and poof, all better."

Huh, what do you know? She's absolutely right.

"So, what do you suggest I do? I can't very well move my house and I have to see him in school."

"Well for starters, you're going to need a new lab partner for Bio. You can't work that close with him because he'll just try to manipulate his ass back into your good graces."

I nodded in agreement, "You're right, I'll have to ask Mr. Banner if I can switch. Maybe I can work with Newton or something."

Rose snorted, "That would be hilarious. Edward would go insane."

I smiled sadly, "I really don't want to hurt him. I just need space."

Just then, Rose's cell phone rang and she squealed so it must be Jasper.

"Here, Bells, I'm driving you answer."

I rolled my eyes at her lame attempt to get me to talk to Jasper. Rose could drive her car with one hand while polishing her nails and talking on the phone without batting an eyelash. Hell, she could probably do all that while driving in reverse.

But, hey, why not talk to Jasper?

I nervously pressed the phone to my ear, "Hey Jazz."

He chuckled, "Well I got lucky, didn't I? I thought I was gonna have to talk with Rose before asking for you."

I asked suspiciously, "How did you know I'd be with Rose?"

He chuckled, "A little birdie told me."

I rolled my eyes, "And does this little birdie go by the name Rosalie?"

"Don't get too mad at her darlin', she's just tryin' to help. She loves you. She's worried about you."

I sighed, "You're right. So, how are you?"

He paused, "I'm doing great. I get to see you soon and that's pretty damn exciting."

I smiled my first genuine smile of the day, "I bet you say that to all the girls."

"Why do you think I'm coming back so early? I have some lost time to make up for with you, Missy."

"I can't believe you're actually coming back."

"I told you someday Bella and I meant it."

Swoon.

And just like that, Jasper made me feel calm, just by hearing his voice. His gentle southern drawl wasn't too pronounced but you could tell he wasn't raised in Forks.

That thought sent a thrill through my body.

Jasper didn't know every little thing about me. He didn't know all about my parents and their messy divorce, he didn't know that guys kept their distance from me to avoid a confrontation with Edward, and he didn't know that I was void of a backbone when it came to Edward either.

Jasper saw me as just Bella.

And I loved that.

I wasn't going to live by Edward's ridiculous rules anymore.

Just Bella was going to live by her rules.

I decided right then and there not to let Edward mess up what I could possibly have with Jasper. I've waited for Edward for too long. It's been long enough. He doesn't see me in that way and I'm not mad at him for it, I'm not. I'm just not going to let him rule my life anymore, figuratively or literally.

I'm not going to let _thoughts_ of Edward rule me the same way I refuse to let Edward _himself_ dictate my life anymore.

If I want to kiss someone, I will.

If I want to date someone, I will.

He has a girlfriend, who the fuck is he to tell me who I can or can't see?

And if I want that someone to be Jasper eventually, then so be it.

Jasper cleared his throat, "Well, I just wanted to check on ya. You alright? Rose said you were upset."

"I'm okay. Or at least I will be."

"That's all I needed to hear. Listen, tell Rose I'll call her later to tell her my flight info and what not, okay?"

"Sure thing, Jazz. I'll see you soon."

"Not soon enough for me. Take care of yourself until I get there, sugar."

"I will. Bye Jasper."

He drawled, "Later, Bella."

I gave the phone back to Rose who was grinning ear to ear.

"And you say I'm transparent? That was such a set up phone call."

"Hey, all I said was Emmett's brother upset you and that he should call and talk to you."

I looked at her dubiously, "Uh, plus you told him when I'd be with you. Did you forget that part?"

Rose just kept grinning her Cheshire Cat smile and drove on. "I just think Jasper would be good for you. Look at how happy you are. And that's just from a _phone call. _Imagine when he's here everyday to do that."

It did feel a little easier to breathe after Jasper's phone call.

This could be a good thing.

Then my cell phone rang.

And rang.

And rang.

It was Edward.

God. Does he read my mind or something? Does he have a little pager that goes off when I make a decision that goes against his wishes? _Danger: Bella's about to make a decision on her own. _How does he always end up clawing his way into my mind?

Not today, Edward.

This time there was no wavering decisions about whether or not to pick up.

I hit 'ignore' on the phone and threw it back in my purse.

You will not fuck up my good mood today, Edward Cullen.

----

**EPOV**

_"You've reached Bella. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you."_

Liar.

I've left her four messages and she's yet to get back to me. I mean how hard is it to pick up the phone and call someone back? I left her the message. I did my part. She's supposed to be getting back to me now.

My cell phone rang and I just about broke my neck, tripping over my shoes to retrieve it.

I glanced at the caller I.D. expecting to see Bella's name across the screen.

_Tanya Cell_

I threw my phone down in frustration.

What was that the _fourth_ time today she's called me? Obsessed much?

My phone beeped notifying me that Tanya left yet _another _message. Can't she take the hint that I don't want to talk today?

Huh. I'm quite the hypocrite, aren't I?

I can't help it though. This Jasper nonsense has me in a panic.

My brain knows that Bella isn't a possession of mine.

I know that she's her own person. I know that she should make her own decisions on things, like who to date or who to be friends with or _when to pick up the fucking phone. _

But my _heart, _well that's a whole different story. I've told Bella multiple times that she's my heart because she truly is. She's been there for me through the hardest times of my life.

She was there on the day that changed my life forever. Bella and I were swinging on my porch swing talking about what we were going to do that weekend, when a woman with reddish-brown hair and striking green eyes walked up my driveway. She took one look at me and started crying. Bella ran inside to get Carlisle and Esme and I distinctly remember Esme running out of the house gasping and asking, "Elizabeth what are you doing here?" and Elizabeth answering that she came for me. I had no idea I was adopted until that day. Carlisle and Esme had me from the very beginning of my life.

My real mother, if you can call her that, gave me up right after having me, never having been attached to me. Then she shows up out of nowhere when I'm 13? Please. I told her to get the hell off my porch and to never contact me again.

That was an awful month but somehow Bella made me smile everyday. Some days she'd bring me cookies, others new CD's she thought I might like. And everyday I got a little happier. A little more accepting of my adoption. Esme would always be my mother and Carlisle my father, biologically or not.

I would have lost myself had it not been for Bella.

I always say that she relies on me, but the truth is, I rely on her just as much if not more. I can always count on Bella to listen to my problems and give me good advice. She would always, always, scratch my head if I flopped down on the couch propping a pillow in her lap. And she would always let me hold her hand when we watched movies.

What was I _doing_?

This Bella stuff is making me insane.

Literally, all my thoughts have been about that crazy, ridiculous, beautiful girl.

One thought imparticular has been nagging at my mind all day.

Emmett told me that he knew that I had more than friendly feelings for her. He said that's why I try to control her and why I go absolutely fucking psycho when someone hits on her. And I couldn't help but wonder if maybe there was a bit of truth to his theory. I wouldn't dare tell him that, but what other explanation is there?

I sighed because that's all I ever fucking do anymore and did the only thing I could do.

I called Tanya.

I'd have to talk to her face to face and tell her I'm having these doubts, these nagging thoughts about my best friend.

It was the only way to figure out what the hell is going on in my head.

----

An hour or so later I watched from my bedroom window as Tanya drove down my road, turning into the driveway. I wasn't necessarily looking out the window to watch for her. I was looking to see if Bella's truck was in her driveway yet.

Was she ever going to come home?

I had told Tanya to let herself in because no one would be home until later. Emmett was at football practice, his Coach had just started making weekend practice mandatory because some of the players had been partying too much, and my parents were gone to Port Angeles for the night.

"Hey sexy," Tanya purred. I turned around to face her, wondering if she could see the distress written all over my face, but she seemed completely oblivious.

She continued talking, almost sounding like she was trying too hard to be seductive, "We have the whole house to ourselves, huh?"

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, for another hour or so, when Emmett gets home from practice."

"Oh, maybe I'll _finally_ meet someone in your family then, huh?"

I pretended like I didn't hear her, "So, what do you want to do?"

I was avoiding the blow-out that was sure to happen, sooner or later. I prefered later. Gave me more time to think.

So we sat on my bed, watching T.V.

Tanya got more impatient with each passing minute. She wanted to get down to business with me and I was deflecting her every chance I got.

Finally after about a half hour she whined, "What's _wrong_ with you?"

Well, it's now or never.

"Tanya, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And I don't really know how to say this to you. I don't even really know what I'm saying to you, to be honest. I've just been having all these doubts about our...about my life. My thoughts have been all jumbled lately and I think that maybe I need some time to think about what's going on with me."

She smiled, "Edward, if you weren't in the mood you could have just told me."

Sex was all this girl thought about. I swear.

"No, Tanya, I don't think you under-," I started but she interrupted.

"Edward, we don't always have to do it. Though I'd like that. Come on, let's go wait for your brother downstairs. I can't wait to meet the infamous Emmett."

I panicked looking at the clock, Emmett would be home very soon, "You know what, Tanya? I'm not feeling well, I think you should probably go before I get you sick, too."

I faked a cough, hoping it sounded convincing.

"What is with you? Why won't you let me meet your family?"

I coughed again, "Seriously, Tanya. I really don't feel well. I think I'm going to go take a nap. I'll call you later I promise."

She put both hands on her hips, "Edward Adam Cullen, you will let me meet your family. Or I will cut you off from sex for a week."

Did she just say Edward _Adam_? What the fuck does this girl really know about me? Six months together and she doesn't even know my middle name? It's Anthony by the way, dumbass.

I started walking towards the door, ushering her with my hand on the small of her back. There was no way that this girl that doesn't even know my middle name was going to be my girlfriend anymore. The decision has been made. I just wish I would have come to this conclusion two days ago rather than today. I could have avoided hurting Bella and my life wouldn't be in chaos like it was.

"I'll call you later, Tanya. We need to talk." Now that I could clearly see how very stupid I had been to chase Bella out of my life for _this_ girl, I didn't care if I broke up with her over the phone. She wasn't worth it.

She started to protest as I gently pushed her towards the door. I opened the door, still ushering her out with my free hand. She kept telling me to stop and talk, but once she was outside of the door, I started slowly closing it, giving my apologies and coughing to keep up the pretense of illness.

Once I had the door completely shut, I breathed a sigh of relief and ran a hand through my hair. I winced as I swiped over my stitches that Carlisle put in this morning. He had chuckled and said, "This is new, usually it's Bella I'm stitching up." I wanted to cry when he mentioned her but I didn't have the energy to explain to Carlisle when his son had turned into such a pussy.

Suddenly, the shrill sound of a horn honking continuously brought me out of my thoughts. I opened the door quickly, running out on the porch to see just what the hell was going on.

I walked out to see not only Tanya repeatedly pushing her horn over and over, but my Bella pulling up in her driveway at exactly the same time. My heart actually ached at the sight of her gargantuan eyesore of a vehicle. I literally hurt inside knowing I couldn't go see her.

I watched as Bella grabbed her bag and started to get out of her truck, having not looked up to see what the hell the crazy honking was yet. Probably because her craptastic truck was like a tank and you couldn't hear shit when you were on the inside.

Almost like I was having an out of body experience, I watched as Tanya hopped out of her cherry red Mustang, and ran straight for me. I met her halfway to try to deflect her before she could say something I would regret her saying.

And then she yelled something at me that would dig me in an even deeper hole with Bella.

What's that saying, karma's a bitch?

Yeah, well I must have done something that really pissed off the God's of Fate.

"Six months, Edward, six month's we've been dating and not _once _have I met your family!"

I looked over to see if Bella had heard Tanya's announcement, praying that she had already walked into her house.

But no, like I said, the universe hates me. Bella stood slack-jawed and teary-eyed in her driveway, just short of the stairs that led up to her front door. She was shaking her head and clenching her jaw so tight I thought it might very well snap off.

Tanya, seeing that my stare was aimed in Bella's direction and not hers, pushed me, catching me off guard and screamed, "Stop looking at that _bitch _and pay attention to your girlfriend! You know the one you _love_!"

I knew right there and then, God hated me.

I looked to Bella again and at the word love, she ran full speed into her house, spilling the contents of her bag on the ground in her haste. I longed to reach out and help her but anger seethed through my body as I heard Bella's front door slam.

I was going to _kill_ Tanya.

"Listen, Tanya, I don't know where the _fuck_ you got the idea that I love you from, but I _don't_," I sneered viciously, "I would never love anyone that could be so deliberatly cruel to my _family_."

She stared at me, eyes wide with disbelief, "I was never cruel to your family! You never let me _meet_ your family!"

I shook my head, "Are you fucking kidding me, Tanya? Like you didn't see Bella standing there? You may have never officially met, but you know who she is. You know she lives next door to me. And she _is _my family!"

Tanya looked at me, without any emotion in her eyes, her face, anywhere on her body for that matter, "Are you in love with her?"

"That's none of your fucking business anymore, Tanya. We're through. Leave. Now."

She huffed, crossing her arms, "You don't mean that, Eddie."

"My name is Edward, _bitch_." I knew I was being cruel but no other words were getting through to her. Plus, she called Bella that. It was only fair.

She started walking to her car, "Call me when you're panties aren't in such a bunch and you're done being such a flaming douchebag."

She hopped in her stupid sports car and drove away.

What the hell did I _see_ in her?

I sat on my porch for I don't know how long, thinking about charging into Bella's house, demanding she see me, but knowing it would get me nowhere, when I spotted a red car coming down my street at an abnormally fast rate. At first I thought it was Tanya again so I started to stand up to prep myself for another round of her shit.

Unfortunately for me, it wasn't Tanya.

It was Rosalie.

She parked her car besides Bella's truck, where Charlie's cruiser was usually parked, and slammed the door as she got out. She stormed over to my yard with a look that clearly told me I was in trouble.

Rosalie. Was. Pissed.

I gulped, bracing myself for the verbal assault my brain was about to take.

"You _fucking_ asshole!"

"Rose, now listen-"

She didn't listen. She slapped my face so hard I was certain to have a perfect outline of her hand on my cheek.

That wasn't all though.

"Don't you tell me to listen, Edward! You are fucking done fucking around with my best friend's head! You stay the fuck away from her, you hear me?!" And with that, she kneed me in the balls, leaving me to cry like the little bitch I was, curled up on my porch.

Before going into Bella's house I heard Rosalie yell, "I cannot _wait_ for Jasper to get here!"

Yes, God definitely hated me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, I know I just updated with Chapter 5, but I couldn't stop so here's Chapter 6 as well. I hope you enjoy!! **

**I have a surprise for all you Jasper fans next chapter!!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, Twilight and Robert Pattinson own me.**

**BPOV**

**----**

Six months. Six months that asshole has been hiding he had a girlfriend from me? It's one thing not to feel the same way about me that I do for him, but it's a whole other story to hide a part of his life from me for _half a year_.

Holy shit.

Half of a year. Edward has probably drunkenly kissed me at least ten times during those six months.

And then he tells her he loves her without even talking to me?!

That fucker flips out if I so much as mention someone being good looking!

If I told someone I loved them, I'm pretty sure he would murder them.

And then me.

Ugh, fuck this.

I looked over at Rose who was busy talking on her phone to Jasper again about his flight itinerary.

If I wasn't sure before, I'm sure now that Rosalie would kill for me. I'm positive of it.

She told me she saw Edward before coming in to my house and yelled at him. She also said she slapped him across the face and kneed him in the groin.

Have I mentioned I love her, lately?

I started bouncing my knees impatiently waiting for Rose to write down all the information she needed to pick up Jasper in a few days. When I heard her starting to get off the phone with him, I jumped up, "Wait! Let me talk to him!"

She smiled brightly, "Hey Jazzy, Bella wants to talk to you real quick. Okay, love you. Bye."

She handed me the phone looking smug, "Here you go, Bells."

I grabbed the phone greedily, "Hey Jazz. Sorry to bother you."

"Psh. You think hearing you talk is a bother? I wish we would have talked more often these past two years."

I sighed, thinking how much time I wasted on Edward, "Me too, Jasper. Me too. You have no idea."

"You okay, honey? You still seem a little blue."

"I'm fine now that I'm talking to you."

Did I really just say that outloud? Judging by Rosalie's face, I must have.

I went on before I lost the nerve, "I actually wanted to see if you wanted to come over for dinner at my house when you come home next week. I was thinking of inviting Emmett and Rose over, too. Like a welcome home dinner," I rambled on and on. I am such a dork. This guy isn't even here yet and already I'm asking him over my house?

He is going to think I'm so desperate.

You suck, Bella.

He laughed gently, "You know I'd love that, Bella. I remember the breakfast you made at our house that one morning while I was home. You think, I'd turn down your dinner?"

I blew out a nervous breath, "Thanks Jazz."

"Anytime, beautiful. You okay or do you wanna talk more?"

"No, no. I'm sure you're busy packing and what not. I'll talk to you soon."

"I'll see you soon, gorgeous."

I blushed, "Bye Jasper. I can't wait to see you."

"Same here, Bella. Bye."

Rose looked at me like she was going to burst, "I'm so proud of you! You asked him out! I can't believe it!"

I rolled my eyes, "Having you two and Jasper over for dinner is hardly asking him out. I just wanted to welcome him home properly."

"Oh, I bet you do, you little freak!"

Blushing even worse now I screamed, "Oh my God, Rosalie! You know that's not how I meant that!"

She was bent over laughing so hard I thought her head would explode, "Who knows," she said between breaths, "Maybe dinner will go so well that you invite him to stay for _dessert._"

I laughed. I couldn't do anything but laugh. "I don't think so Rose. Somehow I think losing my virginity after one dinner just wouldn't go over well with-" I stopped myself.

Was I really just about to say Edward's name?

Do you see how brainwashed I am?

Fuck Edward.

I should bang Jasper on Edward's front lawn just to spite him.

Dick.

Still creeping into my mind aren't you, fucker? Well that shit stops today. I started zooming around my room looking for anything and everything that reminded me of Edward in it, ready to toss anything I came across right in the trash.

Rose looked at me like I had three heads, "What are you doing?"

"Getting rid of all this worthless shit that reminds me of that prick next door! I'm done, Rose. I can't even look at him anymore! I've wasted so much of my life pining over him, listening to him bitch and moan when I talked to a guy, adhering to the lifestyle he planned out for me. For what?! For him to let some whore talk to me like I mean nothing to him and to hear that not only does he love her but he's been with her for six months and never even told me?! ARGHHHH. I want to punch something! I want to punch him!"

I was furious. I saw nothing but red. My eyes were teary, my throat burned, and I wanted vengeance. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I wanted to humiliate him like he humiliated me.

Rose grabbed me up in a hug, "Shh, babygirl, it's okay. It's okay. Like I said, I already slapped the shit out of him. And I definitely leveled him with that ball shot. He was blue in the face."

She added, "Oh, and I told him that I couldn't wait for Jasper to get here."

I shook my head angrily, "Seriously, no more of this bullshit Rosalie. Help me, please. Help me get all this stuff out of my room. It hurts to see and I need to get over it once and for all. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm sick of the pity looks you and Em give me," she started to object. "No, I know you don't mean to, but I'm tired of them all the same. I am through."

She looked at me with hurt in her eyes, "Bell, I never pity you. I hurt when you hurt. Believe me. You are my best friend for a reason."

"Why? Cause I hooked you and Emmett up?" I sniffed, trying to lighten my mood.

Rose was teary eyed as she shook her head, "That's like a fraction of the reason why. Do you remember when I first came to Forks, how mean Jessica and Lauren were to me?"

I nodded, "They were just jealous, Rose."

"I know that now, but you stood up for me right away. You were a year younger than me, but we had recess at the same time. Remember? You told them off, threatening to punch them in the nose for being mean to the new girl. We were friends from that day on. We were inseperable."

I sniffed again, tired of the tears, tired of the pain, "I remember. And then Emmett came over to see what had me all upset and he took one look at you and I could tell he was in love."

She laughed, "Bella, Emmett and I were like ten years old. I doubt he loved me then."

I smiled despite my shitty mood, "Well, he certainly didn't give you wedgies like he did me."

She giggled, "That silly, stupid boy."

I exhaled deeply, "So, you don't think I'm selfish, always talking about Edward like this?"

"Silly girl. You are my sister. Like I said, you hurt, I hurt. Simple as that. If Emmett and I broke up, I would be hysterical. And I know that you would be here for me the same way I am going to be here for you."

I hugged her tightly again, "I love you, Rose."

She laughed into my hair, "I love you, too, sweetie."

Just then, Emmett barrelled into my room, "Holy shit, did I just walk into my own fantasy?"

I looked up at him and laughed, standing up and pulling Rose up as I did.

"Hey, Em, how was practice?" I asked trying to avoid talking about Edward at all costs. I was spent.

"Eh, same old, same old. Kicked people's asses all over the field. The usual."

Rose stood on her tiptoes to give him a kiss, "Well, I'm glad you showered before you came over here. You always smell so terrible after sweating like that."

He pretended to be hurt, "That stings, Rosie. You don't seem to mind when it's you making me all sweaty."

He dodged her smack and pulled her into a hug. And you know what?

Seeing them happy like this didn't make me sad. It made me happy. They were the best friends I could ask for and treated me like gold. I loved them, I wanted them happy.

They were my safety net when I walked out on the ledge.

I spoke up finally, "Okay, enough mushy, let's de-Edwardize my room."

Emmett scratched his head, "Did I miss something?"

Rose filled him in while I went downstairs to get trashbags.

For some god damn reason, I had to see if that bitch's car was still in his driveway. I think I planned on keying it if it were.

It wasn't, thank God, so I wouldn't have to explain to Charlie why he had to arrest his own daughter for destruction of property.

As I started back up the steps, I heard Emmett yell, "What?!"

I opened my door to see Emmett seething mad. His face was red, his arms were shaking, and he was blowing air out of his mouth over and over.

"Bella, I'm sorry that my brother is such a fucking dickweed. I swear to God when I see him he will pay."

I shook my head no, "Don't worry about it."

Holding up the trash bags I said, "I got it covered. This will hurt him worse than anything you can physically do to him."

"How so?" Emmett asked curious.

"You're going to deliver them to Edward, for me, right?"

He laughed, pushing his fingers together, imitating Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, "Excellent."

We spent the rest of the night cleaning out pictures, stuffed animals, jewelry, notes we would write back and forth to each other in Biology, and pretty much anything that even remotely reminded me of Edward.

It took _two_ hours.

Rose stood up from where she was sitting in the closet, dusting her hands off as she did, "Whew. I think that's everything in the closet."

"I think I got everything from under the bed," Emmett said.

My room looked so bare and unfamiliar now, but that was the point.

Out of sight, out of mind.

As we tied the bags tight, I handed mine to Emmett, who placed his and Rose's by the door.

He pulled me into a hug, "I know he's my brother, but you're my sister, too. I'll never turn my back on you. Promise."

He kissed the top of my head before he pulled away letting Rosalie take over the hugging.

"I love you, sister. I'm proud of you. Get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, okay? We'll go to that crappy music store you like and I'll buy you some angry chick music."

I chuckled, "That's exactly what I need. I love you, too. Good night."

I watched as Emmett grabbed up the bags in both hands, while my heart slowly broke all over again thinking that I really was throwing away all the memories of Edward and I.

They waved goodbye to me and I shut the door behind them.

I wish I had told them that Charlie was pulling a double tonight. Maybe they could have stayed with me.

You can do this, I repeated to myself, over and over. All I need is a warm shower and a good book and I'll be fine.

Taking one last look into my empty room, I trudged off to get a shower, to wash the memory of this day far, far away.

----

**EPOV**

I hurt all over.

My face hurts.

My pride hurts.

And my balls _definitely_ hurt.

But the thing that hurts the most is my heart.

I could actually feel Bella's heart breaking as Tanya called her a bitch and said that I loved her.

Me love Tanya?

Ha. Fat chance of that ever happening. What the fuck was I thinking? Yeah she likes the same music as me and she'll give me head. Perfect match!

What a fucking joke.

Bella is my perfect match.

But I've had my head up my fucking ass too long and now it's too late.

The damage is irreparable.

As if to solidify that fact, Emmett burst into my room looking pissed but calmly asking me if I was busy.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I'm busy counting all the ways I've fucked up with Bella, if that counts."

"Eh, kind of counts. But I have something for you, hold on."

He walked just outside the door, grabbing three large, black trashbags and dropped them angrily on my floor.

"These belong to you. Bella said she doesn't want them anymore. She's de-Edwardized her room."

If I thought my heart was broken before, it most definitely was now.

It felt as if a knife had been violently plunged directly into my heart.

And stabbed repeatedly after that.

"She, she,...what?"

He said it slowly, enunciating each part, "She...de-Ed-ward-ized...her...room."

I fell to the floor and I dared to take a peek into one of the bags. It was filled to the brim with stuffed animals I had given Bella over the years. There was probably ten years worth in there. I dug into the bag to see what other part of my heart would break. There was notes we had written back and forth to each other in Biology that I had no idea she even saved. She even had notes from when we first started high school in there. And at the very bottom was a picture Bella and I had taken at the top of the ferris wheel at a carnival in Port Angeles. It was our favorite picture of the two of us.

I held back the tears, remembering that guys weren't supposed to cry.

"How could she just completely erase me from her life like this Em?"

He looked surprised, "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Why not? I can't feel much shittier.

I nodded, urging him to say what he needed to say.

"Dude, you just don't know how upset she is right now. It's bad enough she's embarassed that you know about her feelings. But she's not even mad about you not liking her back, she's fucking devastated because you've been dating this chick for six months, bro, and you didn't say a word to her! Shit, you didn't say a word to me. I've never seen this girl ever. And I live with you! And _then_ she finds out you told this girl you_ loved _her. That's the kind of things best friends tell one another."

"I wasn't ready for her to meet the family, yet, Emmett. That's the only reason why, I promise."

He shook his head, "That shit is the least of my worries. I told you before and I'll tell you again. Stop fucking with Bella. I mean it, man. You're my brother and I love you, dude, but she doesn't deserve this. I know you know that."

"Nobody hates what I did to Bella more than myself, trust me."

"And what was up with you just letting that girl talk to Bella like that? I don't fucking care if you're marrying this girl, Bella is family, simple as that. Whether you love her as a sister or something else, she's still family. We protect our family."

I sniffed, "I love Bella more than you'll ever know, Emmett. How can I not? I just know how completely fucked up I am and, God, Bella's so fucking perfect. She's kind, she's smart, she's pure, Em. My own mother didn't want me and I was just a fucking baby, what the fuck would Bella want with someone like me? Maybe it is better to stay away from her. Give her a fucking chance at a real life."

Emmett sat down next to me, almost whispering, "You guys have such an unhealthy relationship. You string her along, you make out with her while you're drunk, you hold her hand, and all while having a girlfriend. I've been biting my tongue for a long time, dude, 'cause I didn't think it was my place to say anything, but you treat her like an object. She's your possession. And that shit just ain't right."

"Yeah, I know. I just don't know how to deal with all this shit, Em. I'm terrified to lose her. I can't lose her," I choked out.

He patted my back, "You have to respect her wishes, Edward. Let her heal. Give her a chance to experience life on her own terms."

I sighed, "Maybe you're right."

I suddenly felt like I had to defend myself, "I never told Tanya I loved her."

"Bella seems to think you did."

I blew out an exasperated breath, "That wasn't...ugh, it's all so fucked."

"Like I said, give her time, dude. That pain is raw. Let her heal a little. Get a little perspective before talking to her again."

I nodded, "I'll try my hardest."

"Well, I'm going to bed. Dealing with all your drama made me tired."

I snorted, "Night."

There was one thing I was sure of.

I needed a cigarette.

----

BPOV

Coming out of the shower, I felt more relaxed, tranquil.

I figured I'd make some tea to try to keep up with my mellow mood.

I threw a teapot with water on the stove and turned to look out the window in the kitchen again.

What I saw surprised me.

Edward was sitting on his car in the driveway smoking a cigarette.

He told me he quit. God, do I know him at all?

It wouldn't be that big of a deal that he started again, but why was he hiding so much from me lately?

Oh well, not my problem anymore.

Monday I'll get a new lab partner and Thursday night, Rose and I pick up Jasper from the airport.

Jasper. Jasper. Jasper.

His name had become a personal mantra of mine.

Get upset, think of Jasper.

See Edward smoking a cigarette even though he swore he stopped, think of Jasper.

My water finally boiled and I took it off the stove, pouring some water in to my cup with a tea bag.

I walked back upstairs to my room, not bothering to look at Edward again.

I had to get used to that, after all.

Repeating my Jasper mantra again, I decided in a bold act to scroll to Jasper's name in my contact list on my cell phone and send him a message telling him I was counting down the days until I could see him again.

I put my phone on my dresser that sat next to my window and curled up in my rocking chair. I turned the desklamp on that sat on a table next to the chair and set my tea down. While I was reaching to get a book, I heard a loud thump and then my window sliding open.

I stood up quickly, about to push him right back out the window and to the ground.

"Get out, Edward!"

"Bella, please let me explain."

Before he could say another word, my cell phone beeped with a new message.

Crap.

He was way closer to my phone than I was.

He scooped my phone up effortlessly and at first I thought he was going to hand it to me, but I forgot it was Edward I was dealing with.

He scrolled to the new messages.

_1 new message  
3/13/09 9:56 p.m._

_I'm counting down the days  
until I can kiss you, again._

_ -Jazz_

"He fucking kissed you, Bella?!"

Oh, shit.

----


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry this took so long to update! I got distracted this weekend and then the VMA's came on last night and I was busy switching between being pissed off at Kanye West for being a complete douchebag and taking away Taylor Swift's moment and squealing like a little girl at the New Moon trailer. It looks effing amazing...is it November yet?**

**As always thanks for your reviews, I wish I'd get a couple more, but seriously, thank you: lyndons angel of light, PsychWardSiren (sorry for the spelling mistake last time), i-heart-music-is-life, kairikh2, NeenaTH, 123appletree, and winternow for your reviews! They make my day!**

**The amazing Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and the new New Moon trailer owns me.**

**----**

**BPOV**

"He fucking kissed you, Bella?!"

I stammered, "That is...none of your business, Edward."

"Like hell it's not, Bell, why the fuck do you want to shut me out? I'm going fucking nuts. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I feel like my head is going to implode at any minute and I don't know how the fuck to make this pain stop."

"I feel terrible that you feel that way, I do, but I have to do this."

Why am I arguing? I de-Edwardized my room for a reason.

So why is it he's still here?

"I think you need to go," I sneered.

"Come on, I'm sorry, please talk to me," he begged.

My phone beeped again. Edward still held it in his hand, knuckles going white from squeezing it so hard. "That better not be that fucker again, Bell. Tell him to fuck off. You're spoken for."

I reminded him, "No, Edward, _you're _spoken for. I'm single."

I snatched the phone from his hand. It was just Rose saying goodnight.

I snorted, "If anybody is going to speak for me in the future, besides my own damn self, Edward, it would probably be Jas-"

I stopped myself, I was trying to hurt him then and I immediately regretted it. I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to make him jealous.

But I also want him to know that there is the possibility of Jasper.

"Don't you finish that sentence. Don't you dare tell me that. I thought you loved _me_, Bella? You're awfully quick to jump to a new relationship, huh?"

"Get the fuck out, Edward! We were never in a relationship! There's a big difference. Stop trying to manipulate this situation like always. I told you I need space from you, now give it to me!"

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "Nothing I am saying right now is coming out the way I wanted it to."

He reached for my hand but I shook my head no.

"No, I'm sorry. Not this time. You need to go."

"Bella-"

"Please, don't make me call Emmett."

"I never told her I loved her, Bella."

I sighed, "That doesn't really change anything does it, Edward? You still lied to me."

I blinked away the tears, not wanting him to see my cry, "You know, I thought back to the past couple months and a lot of shit makes sense now. All the excuses you were making to me about not being able to hang out, they were because you were with her, weren't they?"

He nodded solemnly.

His presence was making my resolve waiver. I wanted to punch him and kiss him all at once.

"Bella, I don't know what the fuck was or is going on in my head. I can't believe I treated you the way I did. You don't deserve any of it. You deserve the absolute best. I'm terrified to lose you in my life and I go to extremes to make sure no one takes you from me."

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time.

He's saying all the right things, but his actions prove that nothing has changed. It's everything Edward's way all the time. I ask for space, he climbs my fucking tree to get to my room. Even if he were telling me the truth right now, if he really felt the way I feel, it still wouldn't matter.

I want us to be together because we both make the decision mutually, not because he's scared to lose me.

What if he gets into a relationship with me to keep me away from Jasper, then changes his mind? I couldn't take that. It would ruin our friendship and above all, my friendship with Edward was the most important thing in my life. I needed to get over these feelings for Edward and get our friendship back first and foremost. We had to live life separately, or at least more separately than we had been.

"Are you going to date Jasper?"

"Edward, that's neither here nor there. Come on."

"I broke up with her, Bell."

"Stop it, right now, you're saying that shit just because there's a threat to what you deem to be your property. You're not going to pull me back in. So just stop. You told her you loved her! You don't just stop loving someone in a matter of hours!"

He grabbed my arms, not forcefully, but passionately, "Exactly, Bella, exactly! You love me, don't you? Just give me another chance to prove I can be that guy for you. I promise you I never told Tanya I was in love with her. She was just trying to hurt you. And make me mad. She's just jealous of you, she always was whenever I would talk about you. I think she knew more than I did what my feelings towards you really were."

"What the hell are you talking about, Edward?"

He didn't answer me.

Instead he pulled me to him, crushing my lips to his.

I pushed him away as hard as I could.

"That's it, Edward, I'm calling Emmett."

"I've never been more serious, Bella, I lo-"

"Don't say that to me. Not when you don't mean it. Not when you're saying it just to make sure I don't date Jasper."

"Bella, I'm not! I'm telling you I realized it today! I just about had a heart attack when I read that message from him."

"Exactly, Edward, because you think you own me. You think you have the right to dictate my life!" God, he was infuriating.

"Why didn't you tell me you guys kissed?"

"You would have taken that news well?"

He shook his head, "No, probably not. But that's hiding something from me. It's the same thing that you're mad at me for. Lying to you."

"That's so different. Jasper and I weren't in a relationship. And I was allowed to kiss him, I wasn't dating anyone! You've always come and gone as you pleased, Edward. Done what you wanted, dated who you wanted, without me forbidding it."

I stood there not sure what else could really be said. Here he was trying to grasp on to this last hope of keeping me under his thumb and here I am for once not believing anything that comes out of his mouth.

He sat down in the rocking chair, elbows on his knees, hands in his hair, "What am I going to do without you?"

"It's not going to be forever, Edward. How many times do I have to ask for just a little time? Whatever pain you're feeling, mine is double that. In my mind, I'm losing my best friend for awhile and my coulda been, ya know?"

"I never lied when I said you were my heart, that's forever, my Bella," he said sadly. God this was so hard. I had to keep reminding myself that he's just scared. This is about being myself for once.

He stood up slowly, grabbing me in a hug. "I'll give you your space only because I know you'll resent me for it if I don't. I do want you to feel independent and find yourself, but I'm not giving up. I'm going to show you that I mean everything I say. And if you decide to give Jasper a chance," he shuddered, "and he hurts you, I'll break his fucking face."

I laughed softly, "Don't I know it."

"When will we go back to normal?"

"The whole point of this is to stop being the way we normally are. We're friends, but we need space. We don't owe each other explanations anymore, okay?"

He looked torn, like he wanted to give me what I wanted, but he just didn't know how.

"It's not forever. I'm still going to be here if you need me, you know that Edward. I can't pretend I don't care about you."

"Just promise me you'll be careful, Bella? Promise me you won't do anything reckless. Think things through before deciding anything."

"I promise."

He looked as if he wanted to say more but he just smiled sadly, kissed my forehead and walked out the door.

As soon as my bedroom door closed, I let the tears fall freely.

I know this is right. So why does it feel so very, very wrong?

----

When I woke up the next morning, I cleaned the house and did all the chores that I had been neglecting. Rose and I went to my favorite music store and got angry chick music like she said. I told her about Edward's visit and surprisingly she took it okay.

"I knew you would cave, but it's okay I'm not mad. I understand. He can be quite the con artist." And that was it.

We spent the rest of the day watching awful, sappy chick flicks and eating popcorn. When she left for the night she told me that tomorrow she had a surprise for me and that she was picking me up in the morning. What could that crazy bitch have planned?

I hate surprises.

Edward didn't call one time while Rose was over and I figured it was only a matter of time before he did. Charlie and I ate dinner together, mostly in silence as usual, but I decided to watch whatever game he was watching with him while I did my English homework.

Around 9, I told Charlie I was getting a shower and calling it a night.

Edward never called. The thought made me sad and happy. He was giving me what I wanted but that small part of me wished he would call or show up, telling me he wanted to be that guy for me again. Then I realized just how confusing that was and squished all parts of it down. This was going to be a good thing, I know it. I just have to stay strong.

Waking up the next morning, I had a bad feeling about my day.

Rose and surprises, I shuddered.

I got ready for school quickly, making sure I had all the books I needed, and walked into the kitchen to grab a granola bar and make coffee for Rose and I. I left Charlie a note on the table telling him I loved him and that Rose was picking me up for school. I also told him I had fun watching the game with him, because l did. Charlie had to work doubles a lot, there wasn't that big of a police force in Forks and he was the Chief, so I didn't see him as often as I liked.

Rosalie's horn scared me out of my thoughts. She was quite the cranky bitch in the morning. Hence the coffee.

What the hell could she be surprising me with?

I opened and closed the door quickly but carefully, the last thing I needed was a trip to the E.R. for coffee burns, eager to get the whole damn thing overwith. As I walked towards Rose's car, I saw Edward walking towards his car at the same time.

He looked so tired and sad. Maybe I should go over and check on him.

No.

Keep going Bella, you can do this.

I shook it off, looked to the ground and got in Rose's car before Edward and I could make eye contact.

Slamming the door with a huff, I handed her her coffee.

"Oh my God, thank you. I'm pretty sure I need a coffee I.V. today."

I huffed, "Well? What's this cryptic surprise?"

As she backed out of the driveway and started the drive to school, she pointed to her legs, "Do you not see the fucking $10 Wal-Mart sweatpants on my legs, Bella? I mean they are hideous! I look like a cow!"

I laughed. Really hard.

She really was the best friend I could ever ask for. She knew I would feel nervous to start this Edward separation, so to ease the tension she actually wore the sweatpants.

Rosalie Hale in sweatpants.

I took my cell phone out of my bag and snapped a quick picture because I was sure I wouldn't see this again. I didn't even expect her to wear them for real in the first place.

"You actually went to Wal-Mart and bought them?!"

She chuckled, "Please, Bella. Don't be ridiculous," she shuddered, "I swiped these from you when we were de-Edwardizing your room the other night."

I giggled, "You know you're my favorite person ever, right?"

"I better be. I look like a fucking bum."

The sad part was. She still looked like a supermodel. Not frumpy at all.

Bitch.

She pulled into the parking lot, parking in a spot near where Edward usually parks.

"You do not, you look gorgeous. Knowing the girls at Forks, I guarantee they see you in those and they'll all be wearing them tomorrow." I shook my head because honestly it was true. Jessica and Lauren may have started off despising Rose, but now they follow her around trying to dress and act just like her.

"So, how are you?" she asked as she turned around to pull her books from the back of her car.

"I'm okay," I answered honestly. "I mean once we get to school and I have to talk to Banner about switching partners, then I'll probably be nervous. Do you think Edward will hate me for it? I really don't want to make him mad. I don't like hurting him."

Rose frowned, "He has no problem hurting you. Intentionally or not, he still did. This space will be good for you two. Give you a fresh start on your friendship eventually."

I nodded, "Okay, enough Edward talk, do you want to do something after school?"

She looked away quickly, watching from her window as Edward pulled into the parking lot.

"Uh, sure, what did you want to do?"

"I don't know. I have to go home and make a meatloaf for Charlie to put in the oven but that won't take too long."

Rose kept looking around the parking lot, not paying attention to me at all, "Yeah, meatloaf, I'm there."

What the hell is up with her? I decided to mess with her.

"Yeah and then after we eat we can go lingerie shopping. I want something that will make Jasper's eyes pop out of his head."

"Yep, you got it, Bella, real eye popper," she went on ignoring me.

I was going to complain but Emmett's Jeep pulled up and Rose was out of the car before I could say bitch.

Well, that was rude.

I debated on whether to follow her or not, deciding I was far too lazy.

I locked Rose's car doors and made the trek into the school, hurrying so Edward couldn't catch up to me.

My day went on pretty uneventfully after that. Edward did as I asked for once. He didn't pester me in the hallways to talk to him, he didn't slip me notes demanding I pay attention to him, and he also didn't show up for lunch, opting of course to play piano instead. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Was he playing the piano so he wouldn't bother me? Or was he playing because he was really upset?

Either way he wasn't around and I wasn't sure how I felt about it.

I left lunch early to talk to Mr. Banner about the old lab partner switch-a-roo. Newton was okay with me being his partner because I'm sure he thought it meant something else. I had to convince myself it was all for the best at the thought of working side by side with Mike for the rest of the year.

"Ms. Swan, how can I help you?" Mr. Banner asked nicely.

Nice, he's in a good mood, "Uh, Mr. Banner, I was actually wondering if I might be permitted to switch lab partners for the rest of the semester?"

"What seems to be the problem, Ms. Swan? Why would you need to switch partners? Mr. Cullen and yourself have the best grades in the class."

I froze. What the hell do I say to that?

Another voice, full of velvet, broke me out of my panic, "Yes, Bella, please enlighten me as to why I'm being ditched midway through the semester."

Edward, that dick, was totally cockblocking my partner switch.

"I just...needed a...er," I stammered. Why the hell did Edward show up _now_?

"Bella and I just had a little argument. We'll work through it, sir, sorry to bother you."

Banner nodded, excusing himself, saying he needed to grab some things from the library before class started.

I stomped to my seat, throwing my stuff down in the process.

He followed, sitting next to me with a smug smile on his face, "You cut me out of every other part of your life, Bell. I had to do this."

"I didn't cut you out of my life, Edward, I asked for space."

"You gave me back anything and everything that I've ever given to you in trash bags, Bella. You don't say hi to me, you don't call me anymore, you didn't even tell me Charlie was working a double the other night. You were there all alone all night!"

"And I survived, didn't I?"

He smirked, "Yes, I guess you did."

"See, progress. We can do this. We don't have to spend every minute together, even if you weaseled your way into staying my lab partner."

"I don't know about that. Word on the street is Banner's assigning a huge project today. Supposed to be worth a third of our grade or some shit. Looks like we'll be working long hours after school together."

I was shocked and angry, "Did you pay him to do this or something? Seems awfully convienent, Cullen."

"I'm completely innocent," he affirmed. "I was just as surprised as you were. I may be a little more excited about it then you but I didn't have anything to do with it. Dumb luck, I guess."

"Unbelievable," I muttered. Could my life get any messier?

Banner eventually came back in with a stack of papers and kids began to trickle into the classroom.

The project was a two-week research assignment on the heart. A two week research project with Edward Cullen about the one thing of mine he owns.

Awesome.

Thanks Mr. Banner, shouldn't be hard at all. Jasper is coming here soon, which should really complicate things, Edward and I really aren't on the best of terms and Rose will be all on my ass about not being assertive enough and using my "womanly" assets to get what I wanted from Banner. This should be great.

The bell rang and Edward hung around while I collected my things. "So, when did you want to get started? Today after school?"

"It's not due until the beginning of next month, Edward."

"I'm anxious to find out all about your heart, Swan."

Before I could think of anything witty to come back with, Rose waved me over as we walked out of the door of the Biology lab. Edward walked right along with me apparently forgetting the whole not hanging out embargo.

With a snort Edward asked, "Are you wearing sweatpants, Hale?"

She threw a look of death his way, "Yeah, I was trying to make my best friend smile, some dick made her cry, Cullen."

Edward's face grew red and I jumped in before Rose threw a punch, "Okay, okay, I'm right here. What's up, Rose?"

"Let's skip this period. It's only gym and I can't take another hour of wearing these god awful pants."

My face lit up as Edward put on a scowl, "That's the best idea I've heard all day. Let me go to my locker real quick and then we're outta here."

We rounded the corner, Edward still in tow asking when we could get together for the project, and my jaw dropped.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion after that.

Rose smiled so bright I'm pretty sure you could see it from space.

Emmett barrelled down the hallway, panting, and yelling, "Did I miss it?!"

Edward's eyes both popped out of his head and narrowed all at once.

And I just about fainted right outside of Senora Goff's classroom.

Jasper Hale was standing at my locker with a dozen roses.

"You didn't really think that your surprise was sweatpants did you, Bella?" Rose whispered before I could say or do anything. I locked eyes with Jasper and he smiled so adorably I couldn't help but smile, too. As I started to walk towards him, Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him.

"What the hell is he doing here, Bella?"

"I have no idea, Edward, I'm just as surprised as you. Please don't make a scene, okay? We'll talk later. We have that project to do, right?"

I turned and walked away before he could say anything else. I jogged over to Jasper and tackled him with a hug. "I can't believe your here!"

"Monday, Thursday, what's the difference, right?" Jasper smiled. I nodded, "Right."

I pulled him into another hug, "It's so good to see you. You have no idea."

I heard the distinct sound of someone punching a locker before I pulled away from Jasper and saw Edward out of the corner of my eye storming down the hallway.

If Jasper saw it, he didn't acknowledge it and it felt good to not talk about Edward and his tantrums for once, "Same here, sugar. You ready to roll though?"

I squeaked, "Definitely," as I grabbed my stuff from my locker and slammed it shut.

Rose and Emmett walked over to meet us and we all four walked towards the exit. "Emmett you should go out of the back door, you're big ass can't be stealthy enough to skip out the front." I joked.

"Uh, Bella, if you haven't noticed, I run shit around here. I'll tell Coach I needed some rest before practice and he'll be fine with it."

Jasper chuckled, "I think I'm gonna like it here," as he put his arm around my shoulder.

It felt like Jasper would ease right into our group and I was happy for that, but I couldn't help that nagging feeling I had that this was unfair to Edward. I didn't want him to feel replaced in our group. But a small part of me, that I'm not proud of, felt free. Free to make my own decisions and mistakes without fear of an Edward meltdown. This would be good for us.

For all of us.

As we headed towards the parking lot, Rose tossed Jasper the keys to her car and said she would ride with Emmett back to my house. I noticed that Edward's car was already gone and my stomach felt a little uneasy at the thought. Was I doing the right thing ignoring him?

Jasper and I got in Rose's car and drove home in an awkward silence, which was unusual because Jasper and I always found something to talk about. I just couldn't shake the feeling I had that something was off.

As we pulled onto my street I saw that Edward's car was already in his driveway and so was another car. As we got closer to my house I saw that the car was a red Mustang.

Tanya.

He said he broke up with her.

Rose and Emmett pulled up and were getting out of the Jeep at the same time as Jasper and I. We all four noticed movement in the Mustang. A very distinct movement.

"Oh my God. Tell me that's not-" Rose started.

"What a fucking dumbass," Emmett growled.

Jasper not having a clue as to why any of us were shocked said, "Damn! Somebody's knockin' boots in there, huh?"

I stood frozen to the driveway, unable to tear myself away from the scene in front of me.

The movement in the car stopped. After a minute, a very disheveled looking Tanya climbed out of the backseat, Edward in tow.

Tanya looked smug, with her lip gloss smeared all over her disgusting lips, and Edward looked completely ashamed of himself.

It was like someone reached into my chest, pulled out my heart, and stomped on it.

That last bit of hope I was holding on to that Edward was serious about me dissolved into dust.

I grabbed Jasper's hand and pulled him towards my front door, "Come on, I owe you a dinner tonight."

As I held the door open for Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, I snuck a look at Edward. His eyes met mine and I didn't recognize him.

With a glare at Tanya, I flipped them both off before effectively slamming the door on Edward and his skank, literally and figuratively.

I'm done.


	8. Chapter 8

**So, I just want to start out telling everyone how grateful I am for reviews! I noticed I have had 300 people visit so far but I only get reviews from a few! I hope everyone is liking this, let me know if you do or even if you don't, I can handle it! I just love the feedback!! **

**As always thanks to: PsychWardSiren, AmeryMarie (glad you hung in there for me!), NeenaTH, i-heart-music-is-life, winternow, kairikh2 for reviewing last chapter! It means the world to me as you know!**

**Stephenie Meyer owns the rights to the wonderful world of Twilight, I just like to play with the characters!**

**----**

**EPOV**

I have to be the dumbest motherfucker on the face of this planet. Did I not just go and profess to Bella that I had feelings for her two nights ago? Did I not tell her everything would be different and that I would prove to her that I was trustworthy when I said that I wanted more with her?

Explain to me than how I managed to not only fuck Tanya inside her car that was parked _in_ my driveway after I had already broken up with her, but how I did all of it with an audience apparently.

An audience that included my Bella.

Rose, Emmett, that fucker Jasper, and my Bella all watched as Tanya's car shook and as we exited red-faced, out of breath and completely caught.

I had no idea that they would all be coming back to Bella's house. I thought they would go to Rose's house.

God didn't that fucker want to visit his family before trying to swoop in on Bella?

When Jasper the boy-fucking-wonder showed up at Bella's locker with fucking roses, which Bella doesn't even like, I just about blew a gasket right there. It took every bit of energy I had not to plow through that motherfucker's face right then and there.

But I knew Bella would be mad at me.

I tried to stop her from going to him in the hallway, displaying more of the ways I'll never change to her, but she shook me off and fucking _jogged _to that smug bastard. She hugged him and it felt like daggers to my heart. I wanted to rip someone's head off. It's a good god damn thing Newton didn't happen to walk by during my rage or he was likely to get a fucking punch to the temple.

Everything in my body screamed that Bella being all fucking doe-eyed with this Jasper bitch was not going to end well for me. He's fucking honing in on my best friend, _my_ girl, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it.

I'll never be good enough for Bella.

I couldn't take one more second of their little reunion so I punched the fucking locker closest to me and jetted the fuck outta there. I started the Volvo and hightailed it out of the parking lot so I didn't have to watch them parade around together anymore.

Oh god, I feel sick. She's going to be with him. Oh God, Oh God.

Get a hold of yourself, Cullen.

Halfway home, my phone rang and I didn't even look at the caller I.D., I just picked up and yelled, "What?"

"Is that any way to greet me, baby?"

Not who I'd thought it would be, "Tanya. I wasn't expecting to hear from you."

She purred into the phone, "Well, I wasn't going to call, but I needed a release and I figured you were over being mad at me by now."

What a fucking coincidence, I need a fucking release as well.

"Where are you? In Port Angeles?"

She giggled, "No, I'm actually in Forks. I was anticipating that you would agree to our little rendevous so I skipped outta school early."

"Perfect. See you at my house in five minutes then."

I hung up quickly and sped home, seeing red and not thinking or caring at that point about the consequences of my actions.

Bella wasn't going to be with me, she was going to be with Jasper.

A blind man can see that.

He brought her roses to school and took her surfing and to concerts and held her hand when she got stitches. He made her forget about me completely for three weeks. At least it felt like it. I sent her stupid texts to ask her about her boobs just because I missed her and didn't want to be sappy. She barely wrote me back.

I can remember being so angry at Carlisle and Esme for sending me to camp. I begged and pleaded with them when Emmett wasn't around to let me stay home but they wouldn't hear it. They said it would be good for Bella and I to spend some time apart.

Go figure.

Good call Mom and Dad.

Send Bella right into some fucking cowboy's arms.

I shook my head, getting angrier by the minute.

Why can't I just be good enough for her?

When I got to my house, Tanya was already there, sitting on the hood of her car, picking at her fingernails.

I knew I didn't want to take Tanya in the house again, but I couldn't very well fuck her right there on the front porch.

I pointed to her car, "Climb in the backseat, we can't go in the house. Esme will be home soon."

There weren't any tender kisses between the two of us. This wasn't making love. This was pure sex. Tanya wasn't a foreplay kind of girl.

Each thrust into Tanya felt like a part of me was breaking off emotionally. I was free-falling into a pit of despair and hopelessness about Bella. Each thrust sparked a new memory, a new reminder of different ways being so enraptured by Bella could destroy my already fragile heart.

Bella leaving me the same way my birth mom left.

Bella running into that fucker's arms.

Bella _making love_ to him.

I was already so broken. I couldn't take much more.

My picture-perfect life in Forks was destroyed the day Elizabeth Masen came walking onto my front porch. My black and white outlook on life became a dull shade of gray quickly.

If Bella wasn't with me now, would she ever be?

Who am I kidding?

If she were going to choose me she would have kissed me back in her room the other day.

The woman who gave birth to me couldn't stand the sight of me. That's supposed to be a bond that is never broken. Bella had no real attachment to me the way a mother does to a child. Who's to say she wouldn't walk out, too?

I don't ever want to feel like I did the day I found out I was adopted. My life turned upside down from that day on. I didn't allow myself to care as deeply about anything. It made me question everyone and everything around me.

I think that's another reason why I never pursued anything with Bella on a romantic level.

She was so great through the whole adoption thing that I became completely obsessed with her. I wouldn't let anyone near her for fear of them messing up this perfect creature.

Bella was so god damn picture perfect to me that I couldn't stand the thought of messing her up by being a shitty boyfriend either._ I couldn't be with her but I'd be damned if anyone is with her_, I had thought.

I was a shitty boyfriend to Tanya. I didn't take Tanya to concerts or to surf. Most of the time we either played music or fucked. That was it.

So, why wouldn't I be a shitty boyfriend to Bella, too?

Speeding up my pace with Tanya, I made a snap decision. I decided to make it so Bella could have her picture perfect life. I'd be her friend and nothing else. I was going to take the coward's way out. Instead of fighting for her and taking the chance of fucking it all up, I was going to bow out, "Tanya, I'm sorry, so so sorry. Will you forgive me?"

She writhed underneath me moaning, "Oh Eddie, of course. I knew you'd come back."

It didn't take long for me to finish after that because my pumps got even faster, angrier, more desperate, and soon Tanya and I were dressing uncomfortably in the backseat of her car, sweaty and looking like a hot mess.

A couple of voices caught my attention and I looked out the back window of the Mustang to see that Emmett's Jeep was parked on the street near our house.

My throat constricted and it felt like I couldn't breathe. Please_ don't let her be outside of this car_. I'm going to tell her about Tanya and I getting back together so she can move on with Jasper as much as I fucking hate it, just _please_ don't let her be outside of this car.

I stumbled out of the car behind Tanya, praying to any available higher being that Bella would be anywhere but in her driveway.

But of _course_ she was there, right in front of me.

As my eyes made contact with Bella standing there frozen, rigid on the pavement, I honestly thought I was seeing things.

This couldn't be happening.

I cannot possibly be hurting her like this again.

It's _you,_ Edward. Of course you're hurting her again.

In her eyes I saw so many emotions it literally leveled me.

I saw raw pain and jealousy, I saw anger and betrayal, but most of all I saw disappointment and defeat.

My Bella, I have to stop calling her that, Bella looked defeated because her dickhead best friend just can't stop whoring around, even after admitting his love for her.

I broke her heart all over again, but it _was_ all for her, after all, right?

So she could get her happy ending with fucking Jasper.

Who the fuck names their kid Jasper anyways?

This wasn't fair to her.

I opened my mouth to say something but before I could Bella had rounded everyone up to go into her house. She climbed up her front porch steps and for a minute I thought she might turn and say something but she didn't.

She flipped us off and slammed the door, telling me exactly what I was afraid of all along.

She's leaving me.

----

After Tanya left, I trudged up to my room. I was with a girl I didn't _really_ like anymore so the girl I'm in love with can have her happy ending with another guy.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I need to stop this angsty bullshit.

Like a fucking masochist though, I keep looking out the window to see if Jasper and his bitch sister have left Bella's house yet but the only movement I've seen in _four_ hours was Chief Swan parking next to Bella's truck in the driveway.

What the fuck could they be doing over there?

You could know if you weren't such a flaming fucktard, Edward.

Bella might have invited you over for her delicious Meatloaf Monday dinner. But noooo, you have to go all porn-star in the driveway.

Yanking on my hair for what seemed like the hundredth time this hour, I decided I was slowly going crazy.

I shuffled out of my room in search of something to eat to take my mind of this whole mess.

Esme was in the kitchen humming over a pot of her famous chili, her auburn hair cascading in waves down her back. Carlisle was at the table reading the front page of the newspaper.

"Hi, Mom."

"Edward, how are you darling?"

"Pretty shitty actually."

"Language, Edward," piped Carlisle from behind his paper.

I rolled my eyes, "Crappy, actually. Really fu-freaking crappy."

"What could be that bad, dear?"

"Bella. Bella could be that bad. Or at least what I did to Bella could be that bad."

Coming over to squeeze my cheek, she asked, "What could you have possibly done to Bellissima that she wouldn't want to talk to you? You two are inseparable."

I grunted, "Ha, not anymore. She hates me for sure this time."

The front door slammed and I heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen.

Carlisle folded his newspaper down, he rain a hand through his blonde locks, a behavior I learned from him apparently, "It can't be that bad, Edward. You two are lifelong friends. Nothing will stand in the way of yours and Bella's friendship."

Emmett chose that time for him and Rosalie to saunter into the kitchen, "Oh, I don't know about that Dad. Bella de-Edwardized her room and everything. It's pretty serious."

Carlisle looked confused and Esme looked heartbroken.

"What exactly is de-Edwardizing?" Esme asked honestly.

"Bella took all the _crap _that reminded her of Edward out of her room and gave it back to him in three big bags." Rosalie stated full of bitchiness.

You're lucky it's wrong to hit a girl, Hale.

Esme's brow furrowed, "Well why would she do that? What happened, Edward?"

Rose and Emmett had stupid little smiles on their faces as they looked from Esme back to me.

Fuck.

What to say, what to say.

Somehow I just don't think Esme would approve of my man-whore ways right now. Do I let her down easy? _Well, Mom, we're just growing apart, blah freaking blah_. Or give it to her like it is, _Actually, Mom, I've been lying to everyone about this girl that turned out to be a complete waste of time but I just got back together with effectively running the love of my life into another man's arms_?

I must have been thinking for awhile because Carlisle cut in, "Well, Edward, what happened with Bella? Is she okay?"

I shrugged, feeling that stab of guilt in my stomach that made it hard to talk, "Probably not. I messed up. Hurt her feelings pretty bad. For like the fifth time this week. I think she's had enough."

God, this conversation was uncomfortable.

Esme sighed, "My poor girl. Edward you need to fix it. She's your very best friend and she's alone all the time over there. She just hasn't been the same since Renee moved to Florida."

Ugh, like I didn't feel bad enough already, Mom.

Before I could explain that I was going to make it right with Bella, at least be her friend the right way again, Rosalie opened her stupid gob, "Actually, Esme, she won't be all alone. My brother Jasper just moved back to Forks and he really likes Bella. He met her two years ago when he came to visit me and has always been smitten with her. He plans on asking her to be his girlfriend whenever the timing is right. He's actually over there asking her out on their first date right now."

She smiled smugly at me before adding, "You should have seen him charming Charlie earlier, Esme. I've never seen Charlie act like that."

Esme smiled uncomfortably. It was always her's and Renee's dream for Bella and I to get married, "Well, I'm glad she's okay. But I'm still adamant about fixing your friendship with her, Edward. It's very important."

I nodded, appetite suddenly gone at the thought of Bella and Jasper on a first date, "I'll be in my room."

Hoping to be alone to wallow in my completely shitty mood, I slammed the door turning the lock. I hadn't been able to swipe any liquor from Carlisle yet and it was seriously starting to mess with my mind. How can I fall into oblivion without my tequila? How can I forget this burn deep inside my chest? It hurts too bad.

Apparently, life had other plans for me though, because my wallowing was interrupted by a light knock on the door.

"I'm okay, Mom, I'm not hungry."

"Edward?"

Holy hell. Now I'm hearing things.

I opened the door to reveal the last person I thought I would see tonight.

"Bella?"

----

**BPOV**

After slamming the door on Skankward and company, I took a deep breath. Rose had told Emmett and Jazz to go in the living room for a second while we talked upstairs.

Shutting my bedroom door, Rose turned to me and said, "Now what?"

I looked at her confused, "Uh, what do you mean now what?"

"Well, he told you that he wasn't seeing her anymore and we pull up to find him seeing her quite thoroughly. What are you going to do now?"

I shrugged my shoulders, trying to sound nonchalant, even though I'm pretty sure my heart was completely shattered, "He's free to do as he pleases. I'm not going to yell at him. I'm going to act like I have been. The only time I'm going to actively seek him out is when we have to do that moronic biology project."

I wanted to see him more than that damn it, my strength with this was growing thin.

It's been three days already. Ugh, see I can't make up my damn mind.

"I thought you were going to switch partners, Bella? How the hell did he manage to stay your partner?"

I got angry then, "I have no idea! It was ridiculous. Edward totally cockblocked me from switching partners and Banner agreed with him. So, now I'm stuck doing a two-week research project that's worth a third of our grade or some shit with him."

How in the hell was I going to manage that?

"And Jasper?" Rose asked hopefully.

"We'll see where it goes, Rosalie. I don't want to lead him on when I still very obviously have feelings for Edward. It's not fair"

"Hey, all I'm asking for is a shot. Remember the last time we hung out with Jazz, we had a blast. You barely mentioned Edward at all while he was at camp."

I nodded, feeling guilty for some god damn reason, "I know, I know. I _will_ try. I'm just not promising anything. I genuinely like Jasper, I don't want to hurt him or mess anything up."

"Just explain everything to Jazz and he'll understand. I promise. He's been waiting a while for a shot with you so I know he'll do whatever he can."

Something about the way Rose said that Jasper would do whatever he could to have a chance with me really shook me.

It really made me think that maybe this is the time for me to try out something new.

I mean Edward came over and told me he wanted me to be with him and then fucked his ex-girlfriend in his driveway for all to see. They were probably back together now in his room holding hands and fucking singing stupid love songs to each other.

Fuck.

Jasper on the other hand, swept me off my feet when he was here before, left me presents promising me he'd be back someday, and then shows up with roses at my school to make good on that promise.

Some deluded part of me thought that Edward might actually make good on his promise to be the guy I wanted him to be.

I'm not stupid, I know he thought less of himself because of the whole adoption thing. He tries to hide behind his tough-guy persona but inside he's a hurt thirteen-year-old boy. I've tried to convince him to go to counseling but he blows me off everytime. I've talked to his parents, I mean Carlisle is a doctor for God's sake, and they can't get him to go either. Even when they did manage to force him to go, the one and only time, he told the therapist to shove it when she asked about his real mother.

I know about abandonment issues. I live through them everyday of my god damn life, too.

Renee leaving to live in Florida to follow her much younger boyfriend now husband rather than staying where her only daughter is broke my heart. I begged her to stay but she said she was going through a "selfish phase" and had to follow her heart or some bullshit.

Aren't your kids supposed to be your heart?

I've clung to Rose, Emmett, Charlie, and especially Edward for so long that it literally kills me inside that we're all so torn apart now because of me.

I hate that Emmett is taking my side over his own brother.

Edward was always there for me to cry on his shoulder. He always just had this sixth sense when it came to me. He would know just by the face I was making if I was upset or not and it fucking kills me inside that we're breaking up, in a sense.

I always felt like we had some kind of kindred spirit with our mother issues. That we bonded over heartbreak and were meant for each other. Esme, God I love that woman, and Renee would tell Edward and I growing up that we were going to get married.

When we were ten we thought it was gross, but as we got older and they said it more often, I secretly liked the idea.

I didn't dare tell Edward that though.

Guess they were wrong.

We were friends and only friends.

It's what I wanted anyway, right?

Be careful what you wish for and all that nonsense.

Shaking myself from my melancholy, I looked Rose in the eye, "Well, I have a meatloaf to make. Charlie will be here soon."

The rest of the night went by quickly. The boys and my dad watched sports while Rose and I flitted around the kitchen making dinner. It only got awkward one time during the meal when my dad asked where Edward was. He always came for Meatloaf Monday. I told him he was busy and Jasper swooped in and asked my dad about being a police officer, one of Charlie's favorite topics to discuss.

The gesture didn't go unnoticed by me.

Eventually, Rose and Emmett left after dessert and my dad went back into the living room to watch the rest of the game.

Jasper and I went out to sit on the old swing that sat on the far corner of my front porch.

He looked thoughtfully at me, "You have a lot going on in that pretty little mind of yours, don't you, Bella?"

I chuckled humorlessly, "You have no idea."

"You wanna talk about what we saw today in Emmett's driveway? I take it that was the elusive Edward?"

I nodded, trying not to cry, "I don't necessarily want to talk about what we saw, but why I reacted the way I did."

He looked at me with genuine concern, "Well, then spill. I'm all ears, beautiful."

So I told him the whole twisted story. I told him about my feelings for Edward over the years, his tendency to kiss me when he was drunk, our falling out, my plan to avoid him for awhile, how that backfired since we're lab partners still, how I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop being friends with him anymore which I hadn't even told Rose yet, just everything.

"Wow, that's a lot of shit, honey. No wonder you're stressed."

He went on, "You know, when it comes to Edward and your relationship, there's this saying my mom always used back in Texas that comes to mind."

"Oh yeah, what's that, Tex?"

He laughed, "It seems to me that he's riding the gravy train with biscuit wheels."

I giggled, "Meaning?"

"Well, in short, he's lucky."

"Lucky?"

He smiled, "Yeah, lucky. He's got this gorgeous girl that he's comfortable with, can talk to, hang out with, hell, even kiss when he feels like it and he doesn't hear a lick of shit for it. And she is the very best friend anyone can ask for."

"I didn't say all that now, Jazz."

"No, but Rose did. And I trust her judgment."

Exhaling loudly I said, "I just don't know when it became so complicated."

"Puberty, darlin'."

I chuckled, "You're right. As soon as I got boobs, Edward started acting all crazy."

"Well up until that time you were just his best friend that happened to be a girl. Then you became this girl with boobs that was his best friend that he might like to kiss. It's all very confusing, trust me, sugar."

"You always know exactly what to say, don't you? But Jasper, seriously, I just feel really guilty that you came to Forks for me and I'm so utterly screwed up. Some sick part of me wanted you to come to try to wake Edward up or something. And then another part of me wanted you to come because you're just so...you. Just awesome and sweet. And I hate myself for even thinking of using you to try to make Edward feel something he doesn't."

Continuing my rant, "But now, I see clearly how wrong Edward and I are for each other. We're too dependent and that's not normal. Plus, I can tell you with almost absolute certainty that Edward isn't going to be the kindest to you because of our weird friendship."

"Hey, two years have gone by since I've been here. I didn't honestly expect an absolutely stunning girl such as yourself to be free of male suitors. Trust me. I knew I'd have some competition. I just know that you're worth the fight. Plus, he doesn't get to make your decisions for you anymore, Bella. It's _all_ you now, girl."

I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "You are certainly something, Jasper Hale."

He wrapped his arm around me gently, "You are, too, Bella Swan."

We sat quietly rocking the swing for awhile before he spoke again, "So, I know that you have a lot of crap to sort through with this whole Edward thing, but do you wanna maybe do something this weekend? We'll start off slow, be friends first, get your mind off your troubles, how's that?"

I sighed, grateful to have this guy in my life now, "Definitely. I would love that. What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know exactly what yet, but I'll find something fun for us, alright?"

I giggled, "Oh, I know you will. So, when do you get the wonderful priviledge of starting Forks High?"

"I get that distinct pleasure on Wednesday. Apparently they have to wait for something to transfer or some shit, I dunno. You excited for me to come? I mean, I'm probably going to be a big deal, you know. Handsome cowboy from Texas and all that."

I laughed hard, "You have no idea how dead on you are. The girls are going to throw themselves at you left and right. I'm going to have to beat them off with a stick just to hang out with you."

"Nah, those girls don't matter anyways. I kinda got it bad for this one girl. Big, beautiful brown eyes, perfect skin, long chestnut hair. You know her?"

I blushed because, sheesh, he _is_ a handsome cowboy from Texas and he's saying all this sweet stuff, "No, maybe you can introduce me to her. She sounds kinda boring though."

He blew out a breath, "You have _no_ idea just how intriguing she is."

Eventually Jasper had to leave to unpack since he came right to the school when he arrived today, but before he did, he kissed me on the cheek, and told me to call him if I wanted to talk later.

I walked him to his car and told him I'd see him on Wednesday at school.

I hugged him goodbye and as he drove away, I looked up to Edward's bedroom window, and saw his shadow pacing back and forth, a nervous habit he picked up over the years.

I decided to go talk to him.

I stopped knocking on the Cullen's door when I was eleven and Esme told me it was as much my home as it was theirs. Walking in, I was assaulted by a combination of aromas, Esme's famous chili and a smell that I can only describe as...Cullen, and I felt a twist in my stomach.

I loved this house.

It felt like home to me more than my own home did.

I waved to Carlisle who was in his study as Esme ran from the kitchen. "Oh, my Bellissima. I'm so happy you're here. You and Edward worked everything out then?"

Huh, Edward told her we were fighting? I wonder who he blamed.

I hated lying to her, she was for all intents and purposes my mom, but I had no idea where Edward and I were going to stand after this conversation, "I'm just going to talk to him for a couple minutes, is that okay?"

"Take your time sweetie," she murmured as she kissed my forehead. "Oh, I just I love you two so much."

I smiled because I didn't hear that phrase often. Charlie and I weren't big on expressing sentiments like that to each other.

I went up the stairs nervously, not exactly sure what I was going to say, but knowing I had to all the same.

I knocked lightly, afraid he wouldn't be able to hear me over the music playing in his room, calling to him, "Edward?"

He opened the door quickly, "Bella?"

I shifted nervously, "Can we talk?"

He moved to the side so I could walk in.

I sat down on his bed, hoping that whatever was said between us wouldn't end in tears.

After a few minutes of staring at one another I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"So, you're back with Tanya?"

Way to ease into the conversation, Bella.

He winced, "Uh, yeah. I was going to tell you today but...it all got fucked up."

"Kinda hard to tell me when you're fucking in the front yard, isn't it?"

Shit.

I immediately felt guilty.

I didn't come here to accuse or point fingers.

I came to repair what was left of our broken friendship.

If that was possible.

He looked so far away, "Bella, seriously. I was going to tell you."

I nodded, "I know. I'm sure you were."

He cleared his throat, "So, Rose was telling Esme today, right in front of me mind you, that Jasper was planning on asking you on your first date, tonight. What did you say?"

"Edward, I came here to talk about us."

He arched his eyebrows, "Us?"

"Yes, us. Our friendship and whether or not it's worth salvaging to you."

"Don't be ridiculous. Why wouldn't it be?"

I could feel my temper starting, "Maybe because in the past three days you've been more reckless with my feelings than you've been in your entire life?"

"I never intended to hurt you any of the times I did, you have to know that."

"To be honest, Edward, I don't really know anything anymore. I'm so confused and normally you would be the one I'd talk to, not be the cause of my confusion."

He sighed and sat on the bed next to me, "I know."

"So, I mean what do we do now? Obviously this whole staying away, clean break shit isn't going to work. We have to work together on that project and to be perfectly honest, I don't want to stay away from you, I just feel so....I don't know, lost?"

He smiled for the first time in forever, "I don't want to stay away from you either, Bell."

"So, in order for us to go back to normal or whatever the hell we were before all this...girlfriend mess, I need to ask you some questions and I need you to be honest, Edward. Even if you think it will hurt me because God knows you haven't had a problem doing that these past few days."

I knew that was low but he deserved it, damnit.

He turned towards me then and looked me straight in the eyes, "You have my word, I'll be brutally honest."

I smiled, "Well, gee, thanks."

"Hey, you asked for it."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, so right down to it. Why?"

"Why what, Bella?"

"Why would you lie to me about Tanya for six months? Obviously she means something to you, so why hide it?"

He rubbed his hand over his face, covering his eyes for a moment, before dropping it, "I knew you would freak out."

"That's bullshit, Edward. You've told me about all the other girls before. Why was this one different?"

He stood then, crossing his arms, in front of me, "Brutally honest?"

I nodded, scared of the answer.

"She was fun to hang out with, she likes good music, she called me on my shit, told me off, she was just like..."

"Oh God...,"

He was not going to tell me she was just like me, was he?

I stood to leave.

"Hey! Now hear me out. You said you wanted honesty, Bella."

I stopped myself, he was right, I needed to hear this.

I was determined to at least get mine and Edward's friendship back on some track, just not the same one it was on before.

Unable to help myself I said, "So, she's just like me only she'll screw you in her sports car in your parent's driveway and I won't, right?"

He looked at me in shock, "Bella- I...you know that I would _never_ ask you to do that."

I mumbled, "Yeah, that's the problem."

He hadn't heard me, "What did you say?"

"Nothing, it's not important. So, she's special, huh?"

It broke my heart to ask but I needed to know.

He let out a gust of air, "Bella, how about you answer one of my questions?"

"Okay, shoot."

He asked me point-blank, "Why didn't you tell me how you felt about me?"

"Gee, I don't know. Maybe I was afraid of an outcome like this? Where you didn't feel the same way about me as I did about you and we act all awkward and I get my feelings hurt and cry, which you know I hate to do, and Rose acts all sympathetic of me, and-" I started hyperventilating.

He grabbed me into a hug and he just smelled so damn good, his cologne mixing with the faint smell of cigarettes and just, ugh, Edward, "Bella, shhh, Bella. It's okay. I'm sorry I asked."

I wiped at my eyes even though I was pushed up against his chest and I noticed that Edward had all the stuffed animals I shipped over lined up on his desk, along with the picture from the ferris wheel, and that the notes we had written to each other were all opened and spread out near his computer.

"I'm sorry I made Emmett bring all that stuff over to you."

He pulled me closer, "I'm sorry I've been such a shitty friend to you."

"You were pretty shitty."

He chuckled, "I know."

I sighed, "Okay, last uncomfortable question and then I'm going home to sleep away my worries."

"Okay. Go ahead."

It took me a minute to think of the right way to ask him.

"So, when you came over Saturday night, you know when you climbed through my window like a damn spider monkey?"

He laughed, "I prefer to think of myself as more of a silverback gorilla."

"Whatever, anyways, when you came over you...you kissed me, Edward. You kissed me and told me you wanted to be that guy for me. You said you lo-loved me. What changed?"

He pulled away quickly, answering almost robotically, "You know me. I saw Jasper as a threat to you. You know how protective I am of you and I don't like that guy, Bella. I was doing what I could to protect you. I was a dick. Like always."

"So, in order to stop me from having a possibility of happiness with Jasper, you pretended to have feelings for me in hopes of thwarting Jasper's advances?"

"Well it sounds really fucking bad when you say it like that, Bella. Fuck," he snapped at me.

"That's because it was really fucking bad, Edward. Fuck," I mocked.

He stood in front of me again, "I'm not a good guy, Bella. You know this. You've known me forever and you know I'm not a good guy. I'm just sorry it's seeped into your life now. Somehow I've managed to be a complete bastard to the only one in the world that matters to me."

"I'm not the only one anymore," I said sadly, "There's two of us now. Tanya means something."

He skated over my statement, "So, where are you and Jasper going on your first date _thing_."

I smirked, despite the aching hole in my chest, I'd have to get used to it after all, he's always going to be just my friend, Edward.

"I'm not sure yet. He's plotting something intricate I'm sure."

"Sounds lovely," he said sarcastically.

I tried lightening the mood, "Well, one things for sure, we won't be having a date like you and Tanya in my driveway."

He echoed me, "That's for _damn_ sure, Bella."

"Stop it, Edward. If we're going to start over as friends you need to stop trying to tell me what to do."

He nodded, sighing softly, "You're right. I'm sorry. I do want to start over. I need you in my life."

I agreed with him sadly, "Me, too."

"So, I kind of have an idea."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"How about everytime we hang out successfully, meaning you don't kick me in the balls and I _try_ not to tell you what to do, I give you back something of yours from those bags you sent over with Emmett."

I smiled, it was sweet of him to even keep all that stuff, "Okay, well you know which one I want back first."

"Well, I don't know. We've grown quite fond of one another, so I doubt you'll get that one back first."

When we were 12, and Renee moved away, Edward found this blue bear that had my name, the same name of the company that made it, stitched on the bottom of it's right foot. He knew I was sad about Renee leaving earlier in the month so he spent his allowance that week on it and gave it to me. It made me cry of course, just because he was so sweet to get it for me, but I slept with that bear, not proudly mind you, from that day on. I had been tossing and turning all weekend knowing that I had carelessly tossed her away.

Juvenile I know, but it had sentimental value.

I pinched him, "You'll give her back or I'll tell your mom you started smoking again."

His eyes popped out of his head, "How the hell did you know that?!"

"I'm a mind reader, didn't you know?"

"God, how I wish I could read your mind," he joked.

"I'd shield you from hearing my thoughts anyway. If I didn't shield you, you'd know when I liked someone and beat them up."

He laughed, "So, since you already know how I am, can I beat up Jasper then?"

"Edward."

"Well, do you like him, Bell? Give me some kind of info here. I mean you're in love with me but you like him?"

"I knew you couldn't be cool for long...God, Edward, what does it matter anymore how I feel? We're friends again. Be happy with that. Er!" I punched him in the gut, not hard, but hard enough to stun him.

"Good God, Bella. I should have never showed you how to punch properly."

"Rose taught me that move actually. I promised her when I talked to you next I'd gut check you for your sexcapades in your front yard. You're lucky it was us that caught you and not your parents."

He frowned, "I wish it was my parents."

I stopped him from dwelling, "Eh, what's done is done. What's important is that we're back on track friendship-wise, and now we can do that project without weirdness."

"Yeah, I'm glad we talked, Bell. I didn't want this separation, you know?"

"I know, I know. You told me already. I was hurt, Edward, but I shouldn't punish you for not feeling the same way."

He didn't say anything for a minute, staring into my eyes, making me feel self-conscious, "What? What are you looking at?"

"Bella, I...I...nothing. It's late. Charlie's probably worried about you."

"Yeah, 'cause so much can happen to me when I'm right next door to my own house," I quipped.

He crouched down to look under his bed, grabbing something and standing back up quickly, "Here."

My Bella bear.

"What the hell was she doing under your bed?"

"I can't have a fucking teddy bear on my bed, Bella. Emmett would have a field day with that."

"Why didn't you just keep her in the bag, then?"

He rolled his eyes and growled weakly at me, "I may have slept with her the other night."

I looked at Bella bear, "You slut."

He laughed, "Tell anyone that and I'll tell your little Jasper you made out with me tonight."

I scoffed, "Psh, you wish."

He didn't say anything again and it made me feel weird, so I thought it might be best to leave, "So, I'll talk to you tomorrow right?"

"Duh. We're friends again, right?"

I sighed, wondering if the pain of hearing him say we were friends would ever dull, "The best."

I went home that night feeling better than I had all weekend. I was going to try with Jasper, even if it took awhile, Edward and I were okay, not exactly what I had hoped for but okay, and I was actually feeling alright about myself.

Maybe things can work out after all.

----


	9. Chapter 9

**I just wanted to thank all who reviewed again! I've been having a bit of writers block so I tried to get this out as fast as possible. It's a little angsty, but not too bad. You'll probably hate Tanya even more but she's not important so who cares, right? I have a twitter link in my profile. I'll try to put on there my status on chapters and stuff if you guys are interested at all! **

**As always, thanks to NeenaTH, Muselim, i-heart-music-is-life (I want to talk music with you soon, I'm always looking for new bands), kairikh2, and PsychWardSiren for reviewing last chapter!! It really is the best to hear from you!!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight and all our beloved characters belong to the great Stephenie Meyer.**

**----**

**EPOV**

After Bella and I had our talk, the rest of the week went by pretty smoothly. No big events or blow-out fights like days past.

Rosalie was pissed that Bella and I were friends again, but I was used to that.

I hadn't seen Tanya since the driveway debacle but I'd talked to her over the phone a couple of times since. She was overly enthusiastic about our reunion and I hated that I was back with her under such false pretenses but I kept reasoning with myself that I was making her happy and helping Bella move on by staying with her.

Such fucking noble reasons, right?

Jasper made his debut at Forks High on Wednesday. He ended up being in my first class of the day, lucky me, but we didn't talk to each other.

You'd think he was fucking Brad Pitt or something the way the girls threw themselves at him. They were practically falling over one another to flirt or eye-fuck him and it was making me fucking nauseous.

I had to give it to him though, he deflected every one of the girls, always saying he wasn't interested.

Funny thing was, that made the girls want him even more.

Idiots.

His first day there, I had arrived at the cafeteria before everyone but Bella, so I plopped myself down next to her, pulling her pretty hair, "What's going on, Bell?"

She looked around nervously, smacking my hand away and smoothing her hair down, "Oh, hey. Not much, you?"

"Nothing," I looked around with her, "...who are you looking for?"

She blushed, not a good sign on my end, "Jasper. He has lunch with us and I haven't seen him since before school this morning. I just want to know how his day is going."

I snorted, "He's in my first class. All the girls are going crazy, as usual with new kids."

Before I could stop my word vomit I added, "He's not lonely, that's for damn sure."

Her face fell a bit, "Oh."

Jasper walked up behind her then, placing his hands over her eyes and whispering, a little too fucking close if you ask me, "Guess who?"

She whipped around, face brightening, "Jazz! How's your first day going?"

"Eh, it's fine. I was hoping to have a class or two with you, but oh well."

She motioned for him to sit on the other side of her, "Well, that's what happens when you're a year older and too smart for your own good. You get to take fun classes that fill up time until you're free from high school hell. I on the other hand am drowning slowly in a sea of academic torture."

He chuckled, "Only a couple more months and you're free to spend the summer with me, darlin'."

I cleared my throat, reminding Bella and fuckface I was still here and she turned back around saying to Jasper, "Oh, Jasper, this is Edward. Edward, this is Jasper."

I extended my hand and gave him a half-assed shake, "What's up, man?"

Jasper nodded, "Not much, bro. Good to meet you officially. You're in my art class, right?"

I nodded, uncomfortable with my current situation and the three of us made small talk awkwardly for awhile until Rose and Emmett finally made it into the cafeteria.

During the whole lunch period I bounced back and forth between paranoia and complete jealousy. I felt paranoid that this douchebag was taking away my best friend and I felt jealousy because I could see the interest in her eyes and I didn't want to.

Why can't I just be the guy she needs me to be so I don't have to watch her fall for this guy that's just _wrong_ for her.

Jasper took out his schedule to see if he had any classes with Bella after lunch, their heads huddled together, finding out that he had gym with the four of us. Bella hated the class but it was the only one we had that all of us were in so we always made the best of it.

I could tell everyday it was going to get a little harder to be around her as she got closer to Jasper.

He waited at the Bio room door for her everyday and they walked together to gym. I wanted to walk with them so bad, but I knew it would look overbearing to Bella and I wanted her to see that I was changing.

Considering the fact that I just recently figured out that I was in love with my best friend and it wasn't ever going to go anywhere because I'm such an epic failure of a person, I thought I was handling things okay.

I hadn't tackled Jasper and that was saying a lot for my progress.

I knew I must have been showing some kind of change when Newton came up to ask me what was up with me letting the new guy paw all over Bella.

I punched him on the arm.

Normally it would have been in the stomach.

See?

Progress.

I had asked Bella to come over after school on Friday with the intention of figuring things out for our project but I just couldn't focus with her there.

We were outside laying sideways in the giant hammock that hung from two large trees in my backyard. Our sides were touching and I felt like they were on fire.

Every part of me ached to touch her more, hold her, _breathe_ her.

But she wasn't mine to do that with.

Oh, yeah.

And I have a girlfriend.

"So, what should we do the project on?" She asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "Who knows. The effects of too much sex on the heart?"

She snorted, "You'd be an expert on that one, Eddie-boy."

"I prefer sexpert, thank you."

"_I'd_ just prefer getting the sex part over with at this point," she slapped her hand over her mouth.

Resisting the urge to yell, I said through clenched teeth, "What are you talking about? Is Jasper trying to talk you into sex or something?"

"God, no, definitely not. You know what I'm talking about, Edward. I'm seventeen years old and I've kissed two guys. The farthest I've ever gotten with anyone was," she blushed, "...well you know."

Feeling a little smug that I was the one she was talking about I said, "Well, I'm happy that's all you've done. It still bothers the shit out of me that you didn't tell me about Jasper before all this."

"Well it's not like you're the portrait of understanding, Edward. You go off the handle when I look at a guy. And why? I don't know. I have to grow up sometime, I can't be that little girl you look at me as forever."

I looked at her seriously, "Hey. I said I'm going to try to change, Bella. Give me the chance. I haven't decked Jasper yet, have I?"

She quirked an eyebrow, "We'll see. But Jasper and I are just friends for now."

I mocked her, quirking my eyebrow, "We'll see."

I continued, trying to change the subject, "So, sex and the heart is out. I have no fucking clue what the hell to do this damn thing on. Could Banner have been more vague?"

She laughed, trying to imitate Mr. Banner, "I know. Here kids, here's the subject you have to do a project on, but I'm too fucking lazy to narrow it down, so figure it out. Oh and by the way it's worth a third of your grade so don't screw it up."

God, I love her.

She's always so...Bella. There's no other explanation. She makes me laugh doing terrible impressions of teachers, she makes me more mad than anyone in this world ever could, she makes me happier than anyone in this world ever could, and she makes my fucking heart pound like crazy no matter what emotions I feel around her.

Holy shit.

"What if we did something about the effects of love on the heart?"

She furrowed her brow, "How would we do that?"

"Well...we can do research on the physical effects that love causes on the heart, you know, read up on scientific studies and what not, if it has any at all, and then maybe interview couples who have been together for a long time and see if their personal accounts of what they felt match up to the studies scientists have found. I'm sure Carlisle could help us, too."

Her face lit up and I was happy I didn't upset her with the all the love talk.

"That's such a good idea. Thank God you came up with that. I was at a complete loss."

I chuckled, "You know..."

Before I could finish the thought, Bella's cell phone rang and I grabbed it out of habit.

_Jasper Cell_.

"Cowboy's calling ya."

She smiled and snatched the phone from me, "Hey Jazz."

Jazz.

What a stupid nickname.

God, I hated him.

It's not really fair that I do, I don't even know him.

According to Emmett, I should love him.

Apparently, we have the same taste in music and he plays the guitar like me.

But I already know we have the same taste in girls.

One girl to be exact.

And for that reason alone, I will continue to despise him quietly.

I mean, quietly as in not punching him in the mouth everytime I see him.

Bella giggled next to me, blushing at something that hillbilly said to her and I couldn't help the pains of jealousy that ripped through me.

I wanted to rip the phone from her hand, I wanted to smash it to bits so she could never talk on it again, I wanted to take her right there in my hammock while he was listening on the other end of the phone. I wanted to make her fucking forget that anyone but me ever existed.

She was so fucking beautiful.

I watched as she tucked a loose strand of her beautiful brown hair behind her ear and bit her perfect lip and instantly I started to rage again.

The only time Bella bites her lip is if she's nervous or turned on.

Fuck.

I don't like the idea of that asshole making her either of those two things.

I make her nervous.

I've seen her turned on before.

The last time we made out after Newton's party, I found out I had more control than I thought when she bit her lip and put my hand on her chest.

Though I had a raging hard-on I pulled away only to instantly feel cold, fighting the monster that wanted to go right back to the heat. I relished in her warmth, I dreamt about feeling it fully, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep with her then.

I couldn't be the one to take away her purity, _especially_ when we were both drunk.

I watched her still, feeling like I was invading a private conversation, as she said, "Oh, I'd love to, but I'm at Edward's right now talking about our Bio project."

She waited a moment before saying, "Sure. Uh, yeah, 9 in the morning Jasper? I don't think I've ever really seen that time on a Saturday. Holy shit. Alright. Okay, bye Jazz."

Celebrating some kind of weird internal victory that she chose to hang out with me, I smiled as she asked, "What are you smirking about?"

"Nothing, did Jasper want to hang out or something?"

"Yeah, he wanted to go to dinner but I thought it would be rude to leave right now so we're going out tomorrow."

She wanted to stay with me rather than go to dinner with Jasper.

Suck it, Cowboy.

"Wait, he's picking you up at nine in the morning on a Saturday? He really doesn't know you, does he? You're usually dead to the world until at the earliest 11 on the weekends."

"Haha, I dunno. I'm sure it'll be fun."

I rolled my eyes, "So, do you wanna go listen to some music or something in my room?"

She laughed, "If it wasn't you saying that I would say that was such a pick up line, but sure."

Trust me beautiful, I want to pick you up alright. Pick you up and take you straight to my room and show you for hours and hours just how much I love you.

But, I'm a pussy and didn't say any of that.

Bella and I ended up hanging out all day, laughing like old times, not ever really mentioning the events that transpired over the past weekend. There were a few times that the lust and love I felt for her battled with the common sense part of me that knew I wasn't good enough for her. I wanted to kiss her when she left that night but I just hugged her tight and told her to call me after her stupid date tomorrow.

I felt good about where we stood.

Now I just had to get through tomorrow knowing she'd be leaving with him early to go God knows where.

I sighed and decided I should call Tanya since it had been a couple days since we talked.

Her phone rang a few times and then went to voicemail.

Weird.

She always picks up.

Oh well.

I better try to swipe some alcohol now so I can start my descent into complete drunken oblivion tomorrow while Bella was on her little "date" with Cowboy.

I snuck out my door quietly, tip-toeing all the way down the hall to Carlisle's abundant alcohol reserve in the liquor cabinet and grabbed a bottle of tequila quickly, jogging back down to my room.

Success.

Now, maybe tomorrow won't be _so_ hard.

----

**BPOV**

I have to say that Jasper coming to school wasn't as eventful Edward-wise as I had feared it would be. I was having nightmares on Tuesday night, tossing and turning, while scenes of Edward flying over the table to choke slam Jasper through a wall ran through my head.

I was so paranoid that on Wednesday morning when Jasper and Rose came to pick me up for school, I felt like I could throw up. I was sitting in the front seat and Jasper, always so intuitive of my emotions, had leaned up from the backseat to put his hand on my shoulder, "Hey, relax. I'm sure Edward's not going to go all caveman in the middle of school and throwdown with me. He's smarter than that, right?"

Before I could answer, Rose snorted, "Ha. I don't know about that. He was fucking his skank of a girlfriend in his driveway in plain view. He's not worried about consequences."

That Rose, always so careful of my feelings.

I rolled my eyes, "No, he'll be fine. I'm sure."

Only I wasn't sure.

By the time lunch rolled around I was so wound up I thought I was going to explode.

I had no idea how Jasper's day was going and it made me nervous.

I talked to Edward for a while and surprisingly my mind was elsewhere. Usually when Edward and I talk the whole world fades away and all I hear is him but today I was nervous for Jasper.

Edward mentioned being in the same art class as Jazz and that all the girls were fawning all over him already.

It made me self-conscious and insecure.

But then Jasper came in to the cafeteria and I felt better instantly.

To say I was pleasantly surprised at Edward's behavior all during lunch would be the understatement of the century. I was absolutely _flabbergasted_ that he was able to act like a reasonable person and not gouge Jasper's eyes out his first day here.

It gave me hope.

The rest of the week went by much the same way. Edward and Jasper weren't on the road to being BFF's or anything but I was happy. I'll take awkward conversations all day long. As long as there's no boxing matches sans gloves, I'm good.

The only time it got a little weird was in gym class. I could feel Edward's stare on me when Jasper helped me up when I tripped over my own feet. It was a little unnerving but I could tell Edward was really trying.

When I went over to Edward's on Friday I was happy to see we could still get along like normal. It made me feel a little weird that he knew how I felt about him but he never brought it up. I was grateful.

I even noticed some drastic changes in him.

When Jasper called me, Edward didn't smash the phone or tell him to 'fuck off' or anything.

It was amazing.

The rest of the day went by like that. Bella and Edward back to best friends.

It was comforting.

The next day, Jasper came to get me at the God awful hour of 9 am to take me to breakfast and then up to Port Angeles for the day.

Breakfast was awesome.

Jasper and I always found something to talk about together and the conversations were never forced. He never tried to rush me into making any decisions about him and I right away.

I liked it.

I was looking over the menu when Jasper asked, "So, what are you thinking about over there?"

"I was just thinking how smoothly you fit in with our group. How comfortable I am around you. It's nice."

"Nice as in you might wanna give me a kiss at the end of this date?"

I giggled, "Maybe."

I like Jasper a lot. He's handsome, he's smart, and he's sweet. He's about to go to college so why not see where this goes? Even if it's only for a little while, it'll still be fun.

He wiggled his eyebrows, "Maybe's not a no."

"It's not a yes either, Tex."

He winked, "I love it when you play games with me, sugar."

I lightly punched his arm, "I'm not playing games, I'm being coy. Geez, Jasper."

He put his arm around me and kissed my cheek, "You have no idea what you do to me, Bella."

When we went to Port Angeles, Jasper had a whole day of fun planned for us. We played like little kids in a quaint little park and then we went to an arcade where he showed me what an avid SkeeBall player he was. His toned arms as they threw that little brown ball was one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen.

Jasper and Edward were such complete opposites physically. Jasper was lean, muscular, with a slight tan and piercing blue eyes while Edward was tall with impossibly messy bronze hair, paler complexion, beautiful green eyes.

Both were unbelievably fucking hot.

Just in different ways.

After Jasper was done completely owning the arcade, it was already close to 4 in the afternoon so we decided to go get an early dinner. Jasper said he was doing some research and wanted to try this place called Wild Fire Grill.

The place was gorgeous. We sat out on the deck where we had a spectacular view of the Olympic Mountains.

It was just absolutely breathtaking.

The waiter had just taken our plates and we were waiting for him to come back with the check. Jasper took my hand over top of the table and I smiled, realizing just how great of a time I was having with him.

That was until my eyes focused in on someone coming from the bathroom. I'd only seen her two other times in my life but would be able to point her out in a sea of thousands of people.

Tanya.

She was in a short red dress that was completely slutty, which really what else could she wear, and I had to roll my eyes that this girl was the kind that Edward went for.

The Anti-Bella if you ask me.

Blonde, blue-eyed, full-chested, and skanky.

I couldn't help but stare as she sauntered from the bathroom over to her table and noticed that she wasn't sitting with Edward but she wasn't alone.

She was with another guy.

I watched as she sat down with him and they held hands.

What the fuck?

Is this girl cheating on my best friend?

Jasper took notice that I had stopped contributing to our conversation, "Earth to Bella. Are you okay?"

I shook my head and nodded in Tanya's direction, "That's Edward's girlfriend over there with that guy."

He turned his head to get a better view, "Holy shit. Do you think she's cheating on him?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea, it's kind of speculation right now but...holy shit."

Jasper saw what I was talking about immediately. Tanya had moved over to the same side of the table as the guy she was with and they were engaging in some ridiculous PDA that could have been considered borderline indecent exposure.

"Holy fuck, they're practically humping on the table now, Bella."

I sighed, "What do I do, Jasper? If I tell him I make myself look fucking petty. Like I'm jealous or something."

He shook his head, "No, you're being a good friend, Bella. Wouldn't you want to know?"

I nodded, "What if he doesn't believe me?"

"You're phone has a camera on it, doesn't it?"

I took my phone out and snapped a quick picture, gagging as I realized I had caught Tanya as she was sticking her disgusting tongue in the guys mouth and he had his hands all over her waist.

"Picture's worth a thousand words, right?" Jasper joked.

"It's not right. That bitch is cheating on him."

He looked at me, "Bell, didn't he cheat on her with you technically?"

I shrugged, "Well, yeah. I didn't know they were together, though."

"No, no. I'm not blaming you. I'm just saying, karma's a bitch, that's all."

I didn't know what to say.

Yes, Edward was wrong to cheat on her.

But I still felt that pull to say something to that cheating whore out of loyalty to my best friend.

"I know, but I still have to say something to her."

Jasper's eyes widened, "What the hell do you mean you have to say something? You have the proof, just tell Edward and move along, babe. No need to stir up trouble."

I looked at him, "I have a really bad temper, Jazz. Unfortunately, I think you're about to see it."

He put his hand over his eyes and sighed, "Lead the way, pretty girl."

Jasper grabbed the check from our waiter as we passed, heading towards Tanya's table.

"Excuse me, Tanya?"

The bitch looked extremely annoyed to have been interrupted from her infidelity and it only made my blood boil more.

"Well, well. If it isn't Edward's little pet, Bella," she said as she stood up to face me.

What. The. Fuck.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She snickered, "Well, you follow him around like a little puppy and I think you're a bitch, so. It fits."

I couldn't believe my ears.

What the fuck did Edward ever see in this girl?

"I'm the bitch? You're the one with your tongue shoved down some guys throat that is most definitely not your boyfriend."

She smiled, "Do you really think Edward would believe _you_ over his girlfriend?"

"I know he will actually."

"We'll see."

"Bella, don't you ever get tired of being such a fucking nuisance in Edward's life? I mean you already get all his sympathy 'cause Mommy left you, now you're going to hurt him by telling him I'm cheating on him? You really are a bitch."

I didn't think, I just fucking slapped.

I smirked, "I do believe it was you that just got bitch slapped, slut."

Jasper pulled me away then, saying he didn't want to have to call Charlie to pick me up from the Port Angeles jail.

"I didn't know you had that in you, killer," Jasper smiled.

"I told you I had a temper, she just brought out the worst of it."

He chuckled, "I'd say. I'm impressed."

On the way home I started feeling bad that Jasper was in the middle of Edward drama on our first date so I reached over and grabbed his hand.

"I'm sorry that happened on our first date. But, thanks for taking me out, Jazz. I had an awesome time."

He kissed the top of my hand that he was holding, "My pleasure, sweetness. And don't worry about it. I told you that Edward was lucky to have a friend like you, didn't I?"

"Does it make you think any less of me?"

He smirked this adorable fucking smirk, "Are you kidding me? You're a badass, girl."

I laughed, "I like you, Jasper Hale."

He kissed my hand again, "I like you, too, Bella Swan."

As we pulled up to my house I had decided to kiss Jasper. It couldn't hurt anything and he was just so heartbreakingly gorgeous I couldn't help myself.

Jasper parked the car and hopped out to open my door. As he took my hand to help me out I looked up at him through my lashes and he smiled, "My God, you're beautiful."

I blushed and stood up, "I was just thinking how gorgeous you were."

"So, did you decide on that kiss? Do I have permission?"

I pretended to think about it for a minute, "Hm, I dont't know."

He leaned in anyway, grabbing my neck with one hand and fisting a handful of my hair with the other. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his bottom lip into my own and sucking greedily. He slowly released my neck and slid his hand down to the small of my back to pull me closer. Everything in my body tingled and I didn't want the moment to end. I ran my tongue along his bottom lip as he moaned in my mouth. We explored each other's mouths with hunger and I couldn't help but be turned on by this guy.

Eventually he pulled away, kissing my forehead and hugging me close.

"I had a good time with you tonight. Think I can see you tomorrow sometime?"

I nodded meakly, wishing he wanted to keep the kiss going.

He kissed me lightly on the lips again before walking me to my door. I waved goodbye as I opened the door and watched him trot down to his car and drive away.

I sighed as I shut the door, leaning into it with my back.

"Hey Dad, I'm home."

Charlie looked up from his seat on the couch, "Hey, Bells. How did your date with Jasper go?"

"Good, I like him."

He nodded and our conversation pretty much ceased after that. Date talk was a little weird for Charlie and I couldn't really blame him.

Now, I just had the unfortunate task of telling Edward what a slutbag his girlfriend was.

I walked up the steps to change out of my date outfit, grabbing my phone from my purse as I did.

Slipping off my shoes, I dialed Edward's cell hoping to talk to him before I went to sleep tonight.

He picked up after the first ring, "Oh, your tongue's out of Jasper's mouth long enough for you to fucking call, huh?"

Uh oh.

He sounded super drunk.

"Edward, stop. Are you drunk?"

"Not enough, apparently."

I sighed, "Listen, I have something kind of important to tell you. When can we talk seriously?"

"Come over now. I'm awake."

Debating in my head whether I should just tell him over the phone, I decided this was news I would want my friend to tell me in person. Plus, I could show him the picture if he really didn't believe me.

"I'll be over in five minutes. Bye."

I hung up and changed into a pair of my favorite jeans and a hoodie and walked over to Edward's to tell him news I really didn't want to.

I let myself in, running up to Edward's room.

Opening the door, I could smell the tequila immediately, making me think he might have been drinking all day.

He was sitting in his window seat, looking out into the front yard.

"God, open a window or something in here. It reeks."

He jumped up at the sound of my voice, "My Bella, you're here!"

I rolled my eyes, "Like you didn't see me coming."

"I thought I might have been imagining it, I've been hitting the bottle preeeeetty hard today," he slurred.

Scooping me up in a hug, I patted his back and told him I really had to talk to him.

He set me down and I went to sit on his bed while he scooted his computer chair directly in front of me.

I took a deep breath, "Okay, so Jasper and I were in Port Angeles tonight," I began.

He mimicked me, "Jasper and I, blah, blah, blah."

I ignored him, going on, "Anyways, we were in Port Angeles at this restaurant and I saw Tanya there."

He nodded, signaling for me to continue, "Well, she wasn't alone, Edward."

----

**EPOV**

I had been steadily drinking since I woke up this morning at 10:30.

It was now 9:30 and I was well on my way to possibly vomiting.

But it wasn't the booze making me sick.

I was standing at my window watching Jasper fucking mauling Bella with his stupid fucking Cowboy lips and Bella fucking eating it up. She had her tiny, beautiful arms wrapped around his dumbass neck and he was pulling her closer by the small of her back.

That was my Bella.

Not his.

Fucker.

Eventually, they finally fucking came up for air and his hick ass left before I threw up all over my window but the pain was still raw.

That's why when Bella called I asked her about Jasper.

But now she's sitting in front of me on my bed and my drunk brain is having the hardest time remembering why I'm not supposed to kiss her.

She's saying something to me but all I'm doing is looking at her pouty, full lips and fantasizing.

Did she just mention Jasper to me, ugh.

"Anyways, we were in Port Angeles at this restaurant and I saw Tanya there."

Fucking Jasper taking her to Port Angeles, I would really love to kick his ass.

I nodded and smiled thinking about taking him down and Bella must have assumed I was telling her to go on because she kept going.

"Well, she wasn't alone, Edward."

God, I fucking loved the way she said my name. It sent chills down my spine and into my fucking toes and it made me hard and I just wanted to fucking attack her and kiss her.

Fucking Jasper kissed her in her front yard while I watched. It made me want to cry. As a matter of fact my stupid ass self started tearing up. How embarrassing.

My drunk mind can not focus. Fuck. What did she say?

Tanya wasn't alone.

I swiped at my eyes to make sure no real tears had spilled when I was thinking of Jasper and Bella kissing, but I think Bella interpreted my sadness as a reaction to what she just told me.

Tanya wasn't alone, okay, what the fuck does that mean?

"Edward, she's cheating on you."

Big surprise. That's why I haven't talked to her in days and then she cryptically sends me an "I miss you" text tonight.

Bella saw her tonight with another guy because she was on a date with Jasper in Port Angeles and then she kissed him and fuck, my eyes are watering again.

Bella jumped up then, standing in front of me while I was seated in the computer chair, pulling me into a hug.

My head was in a place my very, very drunk mind was happy about.

Right in between Bella's perfect breasts.

I sighed, like a pervert, and let her pet my head, I guess trying to comfort me or some shit.

I honestly could care less that Tanya was cheating. I had cheated on her and my heart wasn't in our relationship anyways.

I was kind of glad. Easier to end things now.

I pulled Bella tighter to me, even though I wasn't really upset.

Then I realized what my drunk ass self wanted now.

My drunk mind wanted to kiss her.

Badly.

I stood up then, causing her arms to drop to her side.

I looked at her once and then just went for it.

I mashed my lips up against hers.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing?!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Sheesh, I was in update fail mode for this one, huh? I was on a roll and then BAM! It was like a million things hit me at once: I had writer's block, the girl I do daycare for lost her job therefore I lost my job, and then I had to visit the in-laws to watch the football game. At least my team won though! Go Ravens!!**

**As always, my reviewers and I now think of them as my friends, are the greatest. Thanks to: kairikh2, AmeryMarie, ravens23fan, NenaaTH, PsychWardSiren, lyndons angel of light, i-heart-music-is-life, candyquakenbush, for being my inspiration!**

**A very, very special thanks to Maiya9182 for being absolutely amazing. I mean friggin awesome! Not only did she suggest a kick ass song for "On My Own" (_Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse)_ she has been sending me the most motivational PM's! Also, thanks to her sister, Adriana, for rec'ing me and sending me inspiring messages as well. You girls are awesome!!!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, Robert Pattinson's sanpaku eyes own me. Yummy.**

**Now on with the show!!**

----

**EPOV**

"Edward, what the hell are you doing?!"

Bella pushed me away quickly, wiping at her perfect lips and turning to stare out the window. She had her arms protectively crossed over her chest and she was tapping her foot quickly on the floor.

My cloudy, drunk brain couldn't filter why it was wrong to be kissing the love of my life but the look on her face clued me in that it probably wasn't the best idea at the moment.

Here she was _trying_ to explain to my drunk ass that my whore of a girlfriend was cheating on me and I'm trying to make out with her.

Classy.

God, I deserved to be cheated on.

I turned her back around, trying to show her how sorry I was with my puppy dog eyes, "I'm sorry, Bell. Don't be mad at me."

She sighed, thinking for a moment, "I'm not. It's okay. I know you're just upset. And monumentally drunk. So, I guess I understand."

I wasn't upset but I _was_ extremely drunk, so I lay down on my bed, watching as the ceiling turned this way and that way, making me nauseous and queasy.

You know you've drank entirely too much when lying down doesn't make you feel any better. At all.

I sat up quickly praying I didn't throw up when I did and asked Bella why she wasn't mad at me for kissing her. I wanted to ask her why she didn't kiss me back this time, too, but I didn't.

She touched my cheek lightly and my stomach became full of butterflies and other girly shit until she said, "I know you're just trying to cover up the hurt of Tanya cheating on you. You were just trying to get back at her."

I snorted, "No, Bella, I'm not I'm hurt. I'm pissed I asked her back out actually."

I wanted to tell her so bad that I wanted to try to be that guy for her but she was happy dating Jasper right now. Plus, I knew I would fuck it all up somehow.

She smiled sadly as if she didn't believe me, "It's okay to be upset. I would be if that happened to me."

I ignored the comment because I wasn't upset and I was going to end up telling her the whole thing was a sham if I didn't, "So, what happened? Where did you see her?"

"At dinner. She was with some blonde guy and they were," she stopped, hesitating but I urged her to go on.

I was breaking up with her either way, this just helped fuel the fire.

Shuddering, she finished, "They were practically dry-humping on their dinner, it was disgusting."

I guffawed, "Sounds about right. I bet it was-" I was interrupted by my cell phone ringing.

_I just wonder who that could be_, I thought sarcastically.

I pressed the talk button, "Hello, Tanya."

"Hey Eddie. How are you? I miss you baby."

I may be drunk but I'm not stupid. She was trying to test the water, see if I knew she had cheated yet.

I rolled my eyes, "Do you really think I haven't talked to Bella yet?"

"Well, whatever that bitch said to you is a lie."

Bella must have heard Tanya's loud ass voice over the phone, it was seriously giving me a headache, so she grabbed her phone out of her bag and scrolled down to a picture of some sort.

Shoving the phone into my hand, she showed me a picture of Tanya's infidelity and I recognized who the guy was immediately.

"So, Bella's lying about seeing you and some guy going at it, huh? Who were you with, Tanya?" I asked as if I had no idea.

She was quiet for a minute, no doubt trying to think of a lie, "This guy John. We're just working on a project for school together. I don't know what that silly Bella thinks she saw but it was nothing."

Liar, liar, slutty pants on fire.

"It was James, Tanya. You know, your ex-boyfriend? I have a picture of you two practically fucking on your dinner table. It's actually fucking gross. Isn't that a family restaurant?"

She growled, "Let me get this straight. That bitch not only _slapped_ me but she took a picture of me as well?"

Surprised, I blurted out, "Bella slapped you?"

I looked to Bella for confirmation.

Bella looked up then finding something interesting on the ceiling to look at.

"Yes," Tanya whined, "She slapped me, _really_ hard, and then that tall guy she was with whisked her away before I could hit her back!"

I snorted, "Just be glad he did scoop her away after that, Tanya. It saved you from an ass-kicking."

She sighed heavily, "Oh, I'm sorry, Eddie. Really, really sorry. Can't we just get past-" I didn't wait for her to finish her lame ass apology.

"No, no. I'm sorry, Tanya. It's over for good this time. I never should have gotten back together with you in the first place. Don't call me or message me. Just...forget me, okay?"

She tried to protest but I hung the phone up quickly before she could.

Bella looked at me, narrowing her eyes, "Listen, I'm not sorry I slapped her. She totally had it coming. Bitch."

I laughed, feeling a little shaky from both my intoxication and the adrenaline of dumping Tanya's ass, "It's okay. I'm sure she did. What did she say though?"

Her face fell, "It's not important really...but how are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. How did Jasper take this little incident anyway?"

She smiled, "Very well actually. After I slapped her, he scooped me up and we headed for the hills. He said he didn't want to have to get Charlie to spring me from the Port Angeles pokey."

I chuckled and nodded, "Well, that's good. Charlie woulda been _pissed_."

She nodded her head and we sat there awkwardly looking at each other before she blurted out, "Well, it's getting late and I know you need to get your ass to bed, so, um, I'll see you tomorrow or something, okay?"

I didn't want her to leave. At all.

I wanted her to stay with me for the night.

Hell, I wanted her to stay with me forever.

"Why don't you stay over, Bell? Like old times?"

She said sadly, "No, I can't. I'm sorry."

"Pretty please?"

"Edward, I can't. I don't know what's going on with Jasper and I but...I know I like him and I don't want to hurt his feelings. It's just not appropriate when other people's feelings are involved."

I wasn't proud of what I did next.

I knew it was wrong.

I knew I shouldn't have, but I was desperate for her to stay, so I started to sniffle, "Yeah, you're right. I just wanted a little company."

She looked at me with such sad eyes, pulling me into a hug, "Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry she made you this sad."

If I wasn't as drunk as I was, I probably wouldn't have thought milking this whole cheating thing was a good idea, but I was hammered and Bella was hugging me tight so I said, "I am sad. I'm so fucking sad, Bell."

She hugged me tighter and I got a whiff of her delicious smelling hair. It did naughty things to my body and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her into oblivion right then and there.

Instead, I pulled her onto my bed with me, ignoring her protests, laying down with her head on my chest.

She sighed, saying, "Edward, I can't stay all night but I'll stay until you fall asleep, okay?"

I nodded, kissing the top of her head, wishing I could do more, show her more, but all I said was "Okay."

She started humming some song and before I knew it, the long over-due sleep took over.

----

**BPOV**

Poor Edward.

He was so upset that I couldn't leave until he was sound asleep.

As I started to get up, he stirred a tiny bit, but didn't wake up completely so I took that chance to slip out quietly.

I lifted his heavy arm from around my waist and hopped out of his massive bed.

As weird as it was, I felt a little guilty being at Edward's this late.

I felt like I was betraying Jasper somehow and the thought unnerved me.

I know that I'm not completely over Edward, you can't just stop loving someone in a week, but with Jasper and I getting closer, it was easier to say no to Edward's requests.

He was drunk and tried to kiss me and I didn't let it happen.

Then he asked me to stay over like old times and as tempting as it was, I said no to that too.

It felt a little empowering.

When I got home, I climbed up the stairs slowly, feeling fatigued from the night's events and I passed out almost immediately.

I woke up to the sounds of my cell phone going off. I knew it had to be Rose, only her ass was brave enough to call me and wake me up on a Sunday, so I made her sweat it out a little before I answered.

"Hello?"

"Four rings, Bella? You let it ring _four_ times before answering when you know exactly why I'm calling?"

I smiled, "You're so predictable, my Rosalie."

She giggled, "So, what happened? Jasper was kind of vague on the details last night. I asked and he just shrugged and went right to bed. I wanted to break down his door and demand to know!"

"You're so impatient. Sheesh. How about I come over and tell you _all _about it? Just let me get a shower and I'll be there, okay?"

She agreed and I bounded out of bed to get ready for the day. I couldn't help but think about Edward and what that awful girl did to him. Before I got in my truck, I took a piece of paper out of my purse and wrote Edward a note to stick under the windshield wiper of his car.

_Hey Edward,  
__  
Your friends are here if you need  
__us. We love you! __Call me later._

_Love, Bella._

I'm sure he'd go out somewhere today and get the note.

I zoomed over to Rose's after that for fear of her wrath if I took one minute longer. She could be scary when she wanted to be.

She was waiting at the door like I thought she would be with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot impatiently. Such a nosy bitch, that one.

"Get your ass in here. You took long enough."

I smiled at her, as I hugged her, "It's been like an hour, Rose. Is Jasper awake yet?"

She huffed, "Not all the way yet, but that doesn't matter you're hanging out with me for awhile before you go hanging out with him!"

"I know that. I want to hang out with you, silly. I was just going to say good morning to him."

She thought about it, "Alright, but be quick, okay?"

We walked up the steps and Rose went towards her room, "Five minutes, Bella, or so help me I'll drag you out by your hair!"

I giggled, even though I knew she meant it as I knocked on Jasper's door, "Jazz? You awake?"

I heard a muffled, "Come in" so I turned the knob and walked in.

I was assaulted by Jasper's delicious scent and a smile automatically formed on my face when I saw him lying in his bed with his shirt off, his curly hair all disheveled, with the sheets up to his waist.

"Hey there, handsome."

He popped his head off the pillow, "Fancy meeting you here, killer. I hope you're here to kiss me good morning and not slap me."

I laughed, "You didn't go kissing any other girls since last night did you, Tex?"

And that thought alone brought about another wave of guilt that Edward had tried to kiss me last night.

He pretended to think about it, "Nope, turned 'em all down. So that means yes to the kiss, right?"

I didn't answer him. I walked over and kneeled next to the bed to give him a proper good morning kiss. It got heated quickly and I remembered just how under dressed he was and how Rose's impatient ass was waiting for me so I pulled away before it got out of hand and I took him right there.

"Now _that_ was a way to wake up," he said with a tiny growl.

"I wish I could stay longer and do more of that, _trust me_, but your sister threatened to drag me out by my hair if I don't give her the play-by-play of our date last night."

He ran a hand through his curly hair, then stood up to give me a hug, "I figured as much. I think she was scratching around my door last night for answers but I was wiped. Being a referee in a girl-fight is exhausting."

I pulled away from him and playfully smacked his arm, "Shut up! It's embarassing enough that it happened on our first date."

Without missing a beat he said, "So, when's our second date to make up for it then?"

I blushed, "Whenever you want it to be, Tex."

"Okay then, ditch Rosalie and let's vamoose, ahora."

I laughed, "As tempting as that is, I owe her some details. I mean she is the one who introduced us to each other after all."

He nodded then, laughing, "This is true. I guess I can share you for a little while. Hang out after though?"

"I would love that. Are you going to be around or should I call you when we're done?"

"I'll be here. Just come find me, beautiful."

I blushed again, giving him a quick peck on the lips as I headed toward the door, "I will."

He grabbed my hand before I left, "Oh hey, did you tell Edward about his girlfriend yet?"

Guilt and panic spread through my body even though I did nothing wrong.

My voice cracked a little as I talked, "Yeah, I called him when I got home and he was awake so I went over to break the news in person rather than over the phone."

He nodded, "That's understandable. How did he take it?"

I snorted, "Well he was bummed but I think all the booze he drank softened the blow a little, you know?"

Jasper looked seriously at me, "He was drunk?"

I chuckled, "I think that might be a bit of an understatement."

He looked at me with eyes full of worry, "Did you guys...uh, kiss then?"

Shocked, I looked to him for answers, "Why would you ask that?"

How the hell did he know Edward kissed me?

"Well you said that he likes to kiss you when he's drunk and now he's single and you're single," Jasper started to mumble, but didn't finish the thought.

I felt terrible.

I sighed, "He did try to kiss me but Jasper, I pushed him away. I promise. I told him I like you."

He looked visibly relieved then, "Are you sure? I mean you told me how much you like him and I don't wanna stand in the way, sweetheart."

I hugged him again, "You don't have anything to worry about, Jazz. It's not like that for Edward and I'm interested in you and me so deal with it, Mister."

He hugged me tighter, "I know that we've only been hanging out for like a week now, but I really like you, Bella, and I just want to make sure your whole heart is in this, you know? It's not just about how I feel, I want you to be happy, too."

God, he's hot.

"You make me happy, Jazzy. I'll come get you when I'm done getting the third degree from Rose okay?"

He nodded and I waved to him, heading down the hall to Rose's room.

She was on the phone when I opened the door so I sat on her bed waiting for her to end her conversation.

"He did what?" Rose exclaimed. "Well, she's here with me right now so I'll call you back in a little while, okay? I love you, too."

Rose hung up, "So, you wanna tell me what happened last night?"

I told her the whole story, no detail left out, including the slapping Tanya thing, Edward trying to kiss me and trying to get me to stay with him.

"I'm almost at a loss for words, Bella. This shit only happens to you, I swear."

With no humor at all in my voice, I said, "Tell me about it. So...are you mad at me?"

She wrinkled her nose, "For what?"

"I don't know. For going over to talk to Edward. For even putting myself in that position. I thought he was drunk when I talked to him on the phone before I went and I still went over there."

"Bella, you didn't kiss him and you didn't stay the night, that's all that matters. If this was three weeks ago this story could have been way different."

I was glad she wasn't mad at me. "I just knew that he needed to hear about Tanya face to face, ya know? But he was really upset once I told him. I almost thought I made a mistake doing it."

She shook her head in agreement, "Emmett said Edward woke up at like 3 in the morning screaming for you. Saying something like 'it hurts, Bell, it hurts'. It took Em forever to calm him down."

I felt a pang of guilt in my stomach, "I know, I feel awful. That bitch really did a number on him."

She sighed, "I know."

"Jazz said it was karma for all the times Edward kissed me when he was drunk and still with Tanya."

Rose tried to supress her smile, nonchalantly saying, "I love my brother."

I laughed and then I left Rose a little while later. Jazz and I went to grab some lunch together. He held my hand across the table again and my heart was pounding thinking about how great it felt. I'd have to remember to include this in our Bio project.

Uneven heart palpitations around super hot Jasper? Check.

Eventually we finished eating and headed back to Jazz's but I decided to head home to get some homework I had been neglecting done.

Before getting in my car, Jazz touched my cheek softly and gave me a kiss goodbye. I didn't want to leave him but I knew I had math homework to finish and I wanted to spend some time with Charlie since it was his night off.

When I got home, I noticed Edward's car wasn't in his driveway and I hoped that he was okay today. I went inside and started my homework before going into the kitchen and making Charlie dinner.

After dinner, I settled into the couch with a book while Charlie watched whatever sports event was on T.V. when there was a knock at the door. Charlie grumbled and said he'd get it and soon Edward was sitting on the couch next to me.

I put my book down and looked at him closely, "Hey, you alright?"

He nodded, "Yeah, I know in your note it said to call you later but can we talk like outside or something?"

I got a little anxious, "I didn't mean you _had_ to call, stopping by is okay, too, but yeah sure. Let's go." I tended to ramble when I was nervous.

We went outside to sit on the porch swing and Edward started talking almost immediately, "I want to apologize for last night. I was out of hand and it was wrong of me to try to kiss you, again, when you're trying to move on with Jasper."

"Edward, I told you yesterday it was fine. I know you were just sad. It's cool. Don't worry about it, okay?"

He nodded, blowing out a breath, "So, we're okay? Emmett was telling me that I was out of control last night and I just wanted to make sure I didn't fuck up with you again."

I chuckled, "We're good, buddy. I promise."

He smiled and put his arm around me, "I'm glad."

After I reassured him that our friendship was still A-Okay after his drunken debauchery last night, we sat outside on the porch swing for awhile talking about our project.

"Carlisle said he should be able to pull out some studies on the heart for us. Some kind of scientist babble to get us a good grade."

"Sweet. Your dad being a doctor is the best. He helps with homework so we get awesome grades and _then," _I looked to the side at him with a mischevious grin on my face, "...he helps me in the fantasy department being all hot, wearing his white lab coat spouting off medical facts."

He squirmed and made a gagging noise, "Ugh, Bella, that is disgusting. He's practically your dad, too, you know."

I giggled, wiggling my eyebrows up and down, "I'll call him Daddy if he wants me to."

Edward laughed and ruffled my hair, "You're sick you know that, right?"

We saw a car pull into my driveway then, but it was too dark to see who it was getting out of the car and coming up the steps.

Eventually, my eyes adjusted enough to see that it was Jasper getting ready to knock on my door. He hadn't seen Edward or I on the swing, so I called out to him to let him know we were there, "Jazz?"

He turned quickly, smiling at the sound of my voice but frowning when he realized Edward was there as well, "Hey, there you are. I tried calling your house a few times but you didn't answer. You left your bag at my place."

I took it from him gratefully, hugging him after, "Oh my God, thank you so much. Charlie's watching a game and he ignores the phone when he knows I'm home."

He hugged me tighter, whispering in my ear, "Everything okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah, everything's great. Did you wanna stay and hang out for awhile? Edward and I were just talking about our Bio project. Nothing too important."

I giggled and blushed when I remembered we weren't just talking about Bio before Jazz showed up.

He hesitated, looking over at Edward who still looked a bit queasy from the Carlisle conversation but had a little smile on his face, "Um, sure. I can stick around for a couple of minutes, I guess."

I did a little victory dance in my head, excited that I was going to get to spend time with Jasper and Edward, together. They needed to get know each other.

Edward was a huge part of my life and hopefully Jasper would be as well.

I really, really hoped

Edward stayed sitting on the swing, with a forced smile on his face. "Jasper," he acknowleged him finally.

Jasper smiled though it didn't look completely genuine, "Edward. Good to see you again, man."

He went on, "Can't say I'm surprised you're here but it's good to see you all the same."

Edward looked surprised but in his defense didn't say anything sarcastic back.

I furrowed my brows, "Is something wrong, Jazz?"

Jasper was never short or agitated with anyone. He was always so laid back and sweet.

He shook his head, "Nah, just tired. I didn't mean anything by it." He looked at Edward as he said that but it didn't seem sincere.

I cocked my head to the side, "Are you okay, seriously? What's going on?"

He looked me deep in the eyes, his face full of sorrow, "Nothin', really. I, uh, actually have to go though, honey. I forgot I told Rose I'd be right back with her car. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Edward offered, "Listen, man, if you want some alone time with Bella I can head home. It's not a big deal."

I was shocked to say the least.

"Yeah, thanks dude, but I really did tell Rose I'd have her car back and you know Rosalie and her car. She's probably having a panic attack as we speak.

I walked Jasper to his car then, hugging him tight and giving him a peck on the lips, "You're sure you're okay?"

He kissed me again, longer this time and nodded. He got in the car and told me he'd call me later, before he drove away.

As I walked back up the steps to my house, Edward's voice rang out, "Are you guys together now?"

I sat back down next to him, feeling guilty to be talking about my possible relationship with him when his just ended so recently.

"We're not labeled or anything. We just like each other's company for now."

He didn't say anything as he looked up at the moon, the reflection making his green eyes impossibly brighter.

"God, I miss the way we used to be, Bell. Before all this girlfriend crap, before all the adoption stuff, you know? Just Edward and Bella, no worries."

"I know. But, we were little kids then, Edward. We all have to grow up and move on sometime. Even us. But that doesn't mean that we have to grow apart at all."

I went on, trying to joke, "Besides I think that you just miss telling me what to do all the time."

He shook his head vigorously, "That's not true. I mean I didn't mind telling fuckers to back off of you but I was selfish, Bella. I can see that now. I'm watching you grow and become more independent everyday and I can see how good it is for you. I wish I would have stopped being so overbearing a long time ago. It might have made a big difference in our life. It could have made things different between us."

He was so sad, it made me feel terrible, "I may be changing by making decisions based on what I want and not what I think you want me to do but that doesn't mean that I don't value your opinion anymore. Nothing has to change in our friendship. Well, almost nothing. You can't kiss me anymore or beat up any guy that talks to me." I nudged his shoulder playfully.

He snorted, "Who has that job now? Jasper?"

"No, doofus, it's _my _job to decide who talks to me or kisses me and I say no more drunken kisses, buddy. Capiche?"

"Yeah, yeah. No more drunken kisses. I think I need to cut back on the tequila for awhile anyway."

"I think that would be wise."

He snorted, "Yeah, I'll stick to vodka."

I laughed, "I think you need to stick to water, pal."

We sat quietly for a few more minutes before Edward got up and said he better get home. I gave him a big hug goodbye, telling him to call me if he needed anything. He smiled weakly, a smile that never quite reached his eyes, and told me he would.

So, tonight wasn't a gigantic success.

But at least I know that Edward and Jasper can be semi-civil to one another.

Now, I just have to figure out what's bothering Jazzy.

I hate to see him so upset.

Jasper doesn't wear upset well.

I seriously hope it's not my friendship with Edward.

Because unfortunately, I know one thing for certain in my life.

Mine and Edward's friendship is the one thing I can't give up.

Ever.

Or can I?

----


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow, this update was a doozy. Took me way longer than I thought it would. I'm exhausted right now so if there's typos I'm sorry. I'll go back and fix 'em tomorrow or something. I wanted to make sure this chapter got out though because a couple of people were waiting for it.**

**Are you guys still interested? Should I keep going with this story? **

**As always thanks to the awesome people who reviewed Chapter 10: dreamngo4it9, kairikh2, i-heart-music-is-life, NenaaTH, PsychWardSiren, ravens23fan, and lyndon's angel of light.**

**Special thanks to AmeryMarie for always giving me awesome advice on here, you are sucha sweet person! I adore ya!**

**And also to my musical muse Maiya9182, you know I just LOVE your song choices for my chapters! I put the last four on my writing playlist and I am in love with them! Thank you soooo much! You're the best!!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, Rob Pattinson owns me, plain and simple.**

**----**

**EPOV**

The next week and a half Bella and I spent working on our Bio project. Each day had ended with me giving her another one of her stuffed animals or pictures back. Each day I felt like I showed her I was okay with her and Jasper together.

Don't get me wrong, my goal of allowing them to get closer was infuriating but it had to be done.

I hadn't tried to get her to stay overnight or to make out with me, so in my book that equaled success.

It probably helped that I hadn't drank anything alcoholic since the last tequila disaster though.

_Nothing_ kicks your ass quite like a tequila hangover.

Well, maybe Emmett actually physically kicking your ass for waking him up at 3 in the morning screaming and crying like a little bitch because of said tequila but that's a whole different story.

Bella and I were sitting with Carlisle in his study, sifting through a few of his medical journals and goofing around at the same time. We were on the small couch next to Carlisle's desk while Carlisle sat in a large armchair by one of his bookshelves. We were trying to find the specific physiological reactions the heart goes through when a person is in love. We had a thorough amount of factual research thanks to my tendency of being a perfectionist bastard, so Bella had the task of trying to sort out what questions she wanted to ask the couple's we interviewed on love.

She was sitting with her legs sprawled over my lap on the couch and she kept digging her toes in between my legs to keep warm. The feeling was almost too much for me to take and if Carlisle wasn't right there, I may have tried to take her there in his study.

Breaking me from my naughty thoughts, she said, "I think that we should interview couples going through each stage of love and get them to tell us what they physically felt rather than what they emotionally felt first and then go on from there," she suggested.

I nodded, "Yeah, that's a good idea. We could have people that are newly in love answer questions and see how they compare to those of a couple who have been in love for years. See if there's any comparison."

Bella had that dopey, faraway look in her eyes that girls get when someone mentions being in love for years. Her eyes glazed over and she did that silly sigh girls do as she probably thought of holding the love of her life's hand on a porch somewhere, hair white as snow, grandchildren playing all around them.

And then I fucking sighed because I thought of Bella being the one holding _my_ hand when we're old and having _our_ grandchildren all around us. Then I fucking groaned because to have grandchildren you have to have a child with someone and to have a child with someone you have to have sex with someone and Bella and I definitely weren't having sex anytime soon so, fuck, this sucks.

I could just amend my fucking _'I'm not good enough for Bella' _rule and kiss Bella right now and just be who she needs. I could stop being so "God damned virtuous" as she put it.

But no, I'll continue to suffer from afar and have so much stress and tension inside my body that I swear I'm going to fucking explode sometime in the very near future.

Bella interrupted my thoughts again, looking up from one of Carlisle's books, "Did you know that being in love can put your heartbeat into a different rhythm than normal?"

I knew the feeling all too well.

Since I discovered I was in love with Bella, my heart pounded about forty times faster than normal around her and as fruity as it sounded I swear it beats her name just to taunt me.

Thump, thump, _Bel_-_la_, thump, thump.

Stupid heart.

What the hell does it know?

My brain knows I'll never be good enough for her.

Why can't my heart catch up?

"That's weird." I said lamely, not knowing how else to answer her question without opening a floodgate of emotion.

She went on, "Yeah, it also says that people who are in a constant state of emotional turmoil, like frustration, anger, and irritation are at a higher risk of developing heart disease than those who experience love, care, and appreciation on a regular basis."

Perfect.

I'm constantly fucking frustrated, angry, and irritated that I can't have Bella. So on top of feeling shitty _all_ the time, I get a higher chance of developing heart disease.

Awesome.

Bella turned to Carlisle then, "Can you tell us about falling in love with Esme? How did it feel when you first saw her?"

He smiled warmly, clearly recalling the memory, "It was definitely love at first sight. And as cheesy and cliche as that sounds, it was absolutely the truth. My palms started sweating, my whole body felt flushed, and I just had the hardest time catching my breath."

He went on, "She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. When I walked into my freshmen year business course at college and saw Esme sitting in the front row, I had to grab on to the corner of a desk to steady myself."

Bella clutched her heart, then grabbed her notebook and pen, "That is so sweet, Carlisle. Did your heart pound at the sight of her?"

He chuckled, "You bet it did. I felt like the second I laid my eyes on her, my heart beat for her and her alone. Every single beat of my heart was hers. Like my whole life centered around this beautiful girl and we hadn't even spoken yet. It was as if my heart was in control of my brain."

I started to become enraptured with the story because Carlisle's description of his love for Esme hit home. _My _damaged heart beat for Bella, that I knew for sure, but it was too augmented by my birth mom to beat _properly_ for her. I would only end up hurting Bella in the long run.

As if she knew we were talking about her, Esme came into the study then, "Well here's where everyone's hiding, huh? I was wondering why the house was so quiet."

Bella smiled warmly as Esme kissed her on the forehead, smoothing a lock of hair behind her ear, "How are you my Bellissima?"

"Good, we've just been asking Carlisle about how he felt when he first saw you and how he felt when he realized he was in love with you."

Esme smiled, blushing a bit, "And did he answer like a gentleman?"

Bella giggled, "It made me swoon."

Esme kissed Carlisle on the cheek then, winking at Bella, "I trained him well."

I spoke up then, "What about you, Mom? How did you feel when you first realized you were in love with Dad?"

"Oh my, that's so hard to put into exact words. The feelings I had and still have today for your father go bone-deep. He is my heart, plain and simple."

Bella looked down then probably thinking about the fact that I call her my heart, and changed the subject, "What physical reactions did you have when you saw him for the first time?"

She smiled, "Well besides my heart feeling like it jumped into my throat when he smiled at me? I'd say everything in my body felt like it was on fire. Like this spark was ignited inside me that could only be lit when he was around. He made me nervous, excited, confident, and shy all at once."

Bella nodded then, writing in the notebook again, fascinated, "And that feeling has remained throughout your whole relationship?"

Carlisle and Esme held hands then before Esme answered, "Oh, most definitely. The feelings only intensified with each milestone that's passed. Having Emmett and Edward solidified our bond even more. It is completely unbreakable."

Even though Esme didn't technically birth me, it still made me smile when she referred to having me herself because she _was_ my mother for all intents and purposes and I loved her.

She had known my birth mother growing up and when she found out Elizabeth was pregnant helped her all through her pregnancy. Elizabeth told Esme she wasn't ready for a child yet and promised Esme if she took me in that she'd never come around, that Esme could tell me she gave birth to me.

Elizabeth read an article in the newspaper about Esme and her interior design business success and tracked us down in hopes of having some type of relationship with me according to her. Thirteen years had passed and all of a sudden she sees Esme in the paper and she wants to see me? I think it was probably in hopes of getting some kind of money from us but oh well. I never needed her.

I just wish Esme's love alone was enough to make me whole again.

"You know what, Bell? I've had just about enough of all this research crap. How about we do something else?"

We had plenty of research already and I felt like I couldn't take one more second of love torture.

She sighed, probably because she knew I was avoiding thinking about the adoption shit, and said, "I would but I told Jazz that as soon as we were done for the day I'd call him. Charlie's working a double tonight so he's going to come hang out with me."

Esme looked at me like she knew my heart was breaking hearing about Jasper and I swallowed hard, feeling like I was going to be sick, "Jasper is going to stay over night with you? Don't you think that's a little soon?"

Esme and Carlisle said their goodbyes and left the room, probably sensing an argument.

She narrowed her eyes at me, "Did I say that Jasper was staying the night, Edward? No. I said he's coming to hang out."

I breathed a sigh of relief and then asked something I wasn't proud of and something that would set me back in the 'letting Bella get close to Jasper department', "Well, can I come hang out, too?"

She looked shocked but then a grin spread across her face, "Really? You wanna hang out with Jazz and I?"

No, I really did not _want_ to hang out with Jasper but the asshole in me _loved_ the idea of cockblocking him with Bella so I said, "Yeah, why not?"

She shrugged her shoulders, pulling me along with her, and said, "Okay, awesome! Come on, let's go to my house."

And so began my night of pure torture. The only time I truly smiled the whole night was when Jasper first walked in and saw me sitting on the couch with Bella and a look of pure annoyance crossed his face. Apparently, she forgot to tell him when she called him that I was going to be joining them for the evening.

He set the pizza he had in his hands on the table and Bella jumped up off the couch to greet him. She hugged him tightly and he glared at me over her shoulder.

He looked her up and down, "Hey sweetness, you look gorgeous today."

I rolled my eyes, tugging hard on my hair, thinking he couldn't be any more generic. If I could, I'd tell Bella how fucking exquisite she was. How everytime she looks into my eyes I become completely breathless and I feel like there's nowhere else in the world I'd rather be then right there in that moment with her. I'd kill to be able to show her through my kiss just how fucking important she is to me.

Then I realized just how much of an actual girl_ I _sounded like and quit thinking altogether.

Thinking only got me in trouble.

"Hey Jazzy, Edward's going to hang out with us tonight, that's cool, right?"

I challenged him with my eyes to say that it wasn't okay which would upset Bella, but of course he didn't.

He smiled at her, "It's just fine, darlin'. It'll give me a chance to get to know ol' Eddie, now won't it?"

She giggled, "He hates to be called Eddie, just so you know."

He smiled again, wider this time, looking at me, "Does he now? I'm sorry, _Edward_, I didn't know. I thought I heard that Tanya girl call you that when we saw her the other night. Must have heard her wrong."

Dick. I sneered, "That's okay, _Jazzy_. Simple mistake."

Bella must have sensed the tension because she cleared her throat and asked us if we wanted to watch a movie. Both of us agreed, unwillingly flanking Bella on the couch.

After about a half hour of watching Jasper absent-mindingly playing with Bella's hair as his arm was thrown over her shoulder, I said I needed a drink. As I went to get up, Bella said, "No, no. I'll get it. I'll make up some iced tea."

She made a bee-line for the kitchen, leaving Jasper and I to stare at each other.

He started, "I know what you're doing, man, and it's _not_ cool."

I looked to him with my eyebrows furrowed, "What the hell are you talking about, _dude_?"

He chuckled, "Do you think I'm blind or something? I know that you came here tonight to make sure I don't try anything with Bella while Charlie's at work or at least that's the bull you're probably telling Bella. You're here because you're jealous."

"I have no idea what you mean. Bella and I were done working on our project and she said you were coming over. I just wanted to try to get to know you better, man. That's all."

I wondered for a second if he bought it, but then he answered, "Bullshit."

Damn. Being a smart ass I asked, "How so, Jasper?"

"Well, Edward, it's bullshit that you're here on the pretense of trying to be my friend. You're not fooling her or me."

"I do want to get to know you...just not to be your friend. I don't want you to fuck her over and she's blinded by your southern charm right now. I want to make sure you're the real deal with her, not some cowboy prick trying to get in her pants."

"As opposed to the best-friend bastard that fucks with her emotions and uses her as his little play thing when he drinks?"

I wanted to punch him but he was right.

He went on, "Listen, I know that it must be hard to share her with someone. You guys have a bond that is hard for anyone outside of it to understand, but I like her. A lot. And I will fight for her. So, please just back off a little? Fuck, give someone else the chance to make her happy. You had that for so long and you took it for granted."

"What do you mean back off?"

He started to say something but stopped himself, then he started again, calmer, "Listen, I'm not asking you to stop talking to her. I'm not stupid, I know that'll push her away from me. I'm just asking _you, _mano a mano_, _not to spend every waking minute with her like you have been lately. There's not enough research in the world to justify the amount of time you two have spent together this past week. She's never going to get over you completely if you keep sniffing around giving her reasons to think you two still have a chance."

I looked to the kitchen to make sure Bella was still occupied with making drinks, "If she wants to hang out with me, I'm not going to tell her she can't. It just sounds like you're scared she's not going to like you like _you know _she likes me."

It was a dick thing to say but I was over fighting fair for Bella. If this asshole thinks I'm going to stop hanging around my friend just so he has a better chance at banging her he's got another thing coming.

He laughed bitterly, "I _know_ that right now she's not going to like me like she likes you because you won't fuckin' let her, man. You've been milking the shit out of this whole Tanya thing. From what I've heard from Emmett and Bella, no one even knew you had this girlfriend so she obviously didn't mean that much to you. It's just a damn excuse to get Bella to feel sorry for you. It's bullshit. You only want her 'cause I do and it drives you fucking crazy that she might want me too."

What. The. Fuck.

Who was he to dictate how much time I spent with Bella and who the fuck did he think he was to tell me why I want her. That's not why I want Bella. He has no clue.

"Are you and Bella a couple now, like officially?"

He glared at me, "Not yet. I haven't really had a chance to ask her, you're _always_ around."

I nodded, feeling like an asshole then, because he was right. I haven't let Bella have any free time really. And my whole fucking idiotic plan was to let her spend time with this prick.

Kicking myself for getting worked up, I took a deep breath to assess the situation.

I was always claiming we needed to work on the project or that I had just talked to Tanya and she made me upset, which was a lie, and suddenly I felt guilty over what I was doing to her.

"Look, I'm sorry I've been taking up all her time. I haven't meant to. She's my best friend, I've always hung out with her. I don't really know anything different."

"And like I said, only you two fully understand your friendship, but you had to have known that one day someone was going to come along and see how absolutely fucking perfect that girl is."

Relenting a bit I said, "I'll back off some, okay? But I can't promise that I won't hang out with her."

He smiled, "I didn't ask you to stop hanging around her, just stop making it so no one else can."

Fucker.

Well, now that I was thoroughly pissed and agitated, I decided to call it a night. Tonight would definitely be a night that I find solace in some type of liquor.

That much was certain.

I snorted a goodbye to Jasper before walking into the kitchen to tell Bella I was leaving. She whipped around with a plastic spoon she was using to stir the tea in her hands, "What do you mean you're leaving? The movie's not over."

"Eh, we've seen Anchorman like forty times, Bell. Nothing's going to change. He loves scotch and Baxter...that's about it."

She giggled, "I know but this is a big deal. You, me, Jasper all together without you punching him. I'm excited."

"He's important to you, right?"

She nodded, "Yes, he is."

"Then trust me when I say I gotta go, okay? You don't need my judgmental ass hanging around being grumpy."

Her forehead did a cute little crinkle thing as she looked at me, "Did something happen while I was out of the room?"

She was always so perceptive but I didn't want to rat Jasper out for saying anything, "Nah, I just feel like going home and bugging Emmett. I'll see you tomorrow or something, okay?"

"Okay, well listen- I was thinking we have to finish typing up the scientific report on the project tomorrow and then we have to interview Rose and Emmett since we already talked to your mom and dad and I was considering calling my mom and asking her about Phil...what do you think?"

I was surprised, she hadn't talked to her mom in a couple of months, "I think that's a big deal, are you sure you want to call her?"

"She's my mother, Edward. Of course I _want_ to talk to her, I just don't know what will happen after I do."

The last time Bella called her mom she was upset afterwards for almost two whole days. Her mom had told her she wouldn't be able to visit at Christmas because she would be traveling with Phil and his needs took precedence over her teenage daughter's need to see her mother and that devestated Bella. I never understood how Renee could have changed so completely when she left but I guess being in love with a much younger man made Renee feel young again. Therefore, I assumed, the only logical explanation was that she somehow lost some of her maternal instincts or something. No one knew for sure how she could just up and leave her daughter but I knew Esme hadn't talked to Renee in years because of it.

"You don't have to call her, Bell, we can interview Charlie instead."

She shook her head sadly, "I don't want to stir up any unresolved issues with Charlie. He doesn't need to talk about any of the times that things were good with Renee...he hasn't been the same since she left."

I hugged her to me then, "I know, you're right. But just know that we don't need Renee's opinions either. We can do without what she has to say."

She nodded, still holding on to me, "I know we can. I just want an excuse to call her really. I feel like maybe she'll talk to me longer or something if I'm calling to talk about her. I don't know it's stupid." She sniffed angrily then and my heart broke for her.

Not letting go of her, I told her honestly, "No one should need an excuse to talk to their mother, Bella. You're a wonderful person, she should thank her lucky fucking stars she has someone like you still wanting to be a part of her life."

She sniffled again, "I miss her so much, you know?"

Jasper picked then to walk in, catching Bella and I in a rather intimate embrace and he got a shitty look on his face, "Am I interrupting?"

Yes, fucker. She's crying her eyes out over her mom and I'm comforting her, thanks. Go away.

Bella pulled away then, wiping at her eyes, "Oh, Jazz. I'm so sorry we left you in there, Edward was just telling me he was leaving and I started to tell him about calling my mom and I got all upset. It's silly, I'm really sorry."

He walked up to her then, wiping a non-existent tear from her perfect face, "Oh, darlin' I didn't know you were upset in here. I woulda been in here in a heartbeat, if I did."

She smiled, blushing as she did, "Oh, I know that. Trust me." Looking to me then she said, "So, I'll, uh, see you tomorrow then to finish the project?"

Jasper looked at me like he thought I planned that or some shit, and I said, "Uh, yeah or the next day, whatever. No hurry," trying to show him I was at least fucking trying to do what I said I would do.

She looked at me strangely, "No, I'll see you tomorrow. I want to interview Rose and Emmett to get it done and over with. So, I'll call you and let you know when I can come over. Good night, Edward. Thanks for, you know, talking to me."

Jasper asked me to stay away from her and she's asking to hang out with me.

I could take the high road and make up some lie that I'm busy tomorrow or I could hang out with Bella and smell her delicious scent while Jasper sat at home alone not making out with her.

I mean come on, do you think I'm not going to hang out with her when she's asking me to?

Of course I'm going to hang out with her.

Opening the door, I smiled at her and then at Jasper, "Sure. And yeah, see you tomorrow," I said over my shoulder.

Eat shit, Jasper Hale. You'll have to woo her some other way.

I'm not going anywhere.

She's my Bella.

----

**BPOV**

After Edward left, I was nervous for some reason.

I was trying to chalk it up to nerves about calling my mom later but I didn't think that was what was making me nervous.

I was nervous Jasper was going to try to stay the night. We were currently hovering in the only making out with slight groping going on level and I wasn't willing to budge on that until things were a little more official with us.

And we had a few months of an exclusive relationship under our belts.

I'm not going to lose my virginity after a few great weeks with Jasper. No matter how hot he is.

But telling that to my traitor brain when Jasper has his hand up my shirt and his unbelievably hot lips on my neck was another story.

Exhaling loudly, I said, "Jazz...we have...we have to stop."

He pulled away smiling, "I was just getting started there, beautiful," placing another kiss on my shoulder.

"I know, I know. It's just I don't want to get ahead of ourselves and..." I started to ramble.

"Hey, I had something I really wanted to talk to you about. You're the one who suggested we come upstairs, to your room, to talk about it," he said with a shit eating grin.

"You caught me. You're totally right. I definitely planned on doing more of that with you and not talking."

He laughed, "See. You have a one-track mind girl, I swear. I was trying to ask you to be my girl and you're up here jumping all over me, taking advantage of my gentlemanly ways."

Back the truck up.

"Your girl...like your-your girlfriend?" I stammered like a baffoon.

He looked down and then up through his adorable lashes and I had butterflies in my stomach as he said, "Yes. Bella, I want you to be my girl."

I was dumbfounded but managed to choke out a "Yes" to him before he scooped me up into a hug, spinning me around as he held me.

This was a really big step for us.

I was thinking a hundred things at once but only one screamed out at me.

I was free to make that choice on my own.

A little while ago, this would have seemed impossible for me. Edward would have never allowed me to date someone let alone for that someone to call me their girl.

But now, I was making my own decisions and I had decided Jasper was someone I wanted to get to know. And if he wanted to call me his girl in the process of getting to know him, I'm okay with that. There are worse things one could be. Jasper Hale's girlfriend was alright in my book.

A small part of me felt guilty for being so happy when Edward was so miserable, but another larger part of me was telling me it was my time to have a little happiness. Edward was never concerned how his having a girlfriend would affect me so why should I worry how my having a boyfriend will upset him?

The answer was simple...I won't let it worry me.

He'd have to deal with it.

No Edward tantrums allowed.

I'm happy and he won't screw it up.

Or so I thought.

Jasper and I were in my room still celebrating our new relationship when my cell phone started going off.

I ignored it the first time, still deep into mine and Jasper's kiss, but then it started going off almost immediately after whoever had called hung up.

"I have an inkling whoever is calling isn't going to give up, sugar."

I sighed, knowing he was right, it was either Rose or Edward, both extremely talented in hitting the redial button with extreme speed, precision and accuracy and breathed into the phone, "Hello?"

"When the hell were you going to call and tell me you and Jazz were together?" Rose bellowed into the phone.

"Um, maybe when I'm done kissing him and he left my house. And when _I_ had a chance to call _you_? How do you even know that? Neither one of us have talked to anyone yet."

She laughed into the phone, "I knew he was planning on asking you tonight and considering how late it is I figured it had already happened and you two were celebrating. I just wanted to be a bitch and interrupt you because Jazz interrupted Emmett and I earlier."

I glanced at the clock, seeing it was already close to midnight, and laughed, "Oh, yeah. Well, now you know. And now you know I'm getting off the phone to celebrate more."

"Ew, you whore. That's my brother." She giggled.

"You're the one who wanted this, Rosalie. Now you have to face the consequences of unleashing me on your hot ass brother." I winked at him while laughing into the phone.

"Ugh, yuck. I'm going to call Emmett. See you later, be safe," she sing-songed into the phone and then hung up.

I shook my head as I tossed my phone on the bed-side table, "Your sister is an absolute nut-case."

"Oh, I know trust me. She probably mentioned me 'interrupting' her today, right?"

I shook my head yes and he continued, "Not the case at all. My dad and her mom are out of town this week and I totally walked into my own kitchen to find them...let's just say, _not _cooking in the kitchen."

I laughed, even though I was completely disturbed, and pet his head affectionately, "You poor, poor thing. I bet you'll never look at that breakfast bar the same way again, will you?"

He looked at me in both wonder and shock, "How in the hell did you know they were using the breakfast bar?"

"Emmett's always very descriptive about his sexcapades and unfortunately so is Rose. Plus, I've also been an unwilling participant in witnessing that firsthand."

"Why? Why the breakfast bar, Bella? I love to eat pancakes there...it has this perfect view of our little pond in the morning. And now it's tarnished forever. All I'll ever see," he pretended to throw up, "...is Emmett's bare ass there now. No more fluffy pancake goodness. Only muscled beefcake grossness."

I laughed hysterically at this, "Ugh, Jazzy, that was way too descriptive. Are you trying to ruin pancakes for good for me? Yuck."

He tickled my side, "I'm sorry."

We started kissing, I think to free our minds of Emmett and anything of his that might _bulge_, and the mood started to get a little hot and heavy again. I pushed his head down onto the pillow as I straddled him, deepening the kiss. He had his arms wrapped around my waist and his hands kept grabbing the very tips of the ends of my long hair. The feeling sent a shudder through my body. He slowly started to lift my shirt over my head, all the while telling me how beautiful I was.

He kissed a trail from my shoulder to under my ear and I felt my entire body go warm. He shifted us quickly so that he was on top again and put his hand behind my head, gripping my hair with one hand and my chin in the other, "You are so gorgeous, _my_ girl. I'm so lucky."

I blushed, feeling beautiful with him here kissing me like there was no one else in the world, "No, I think I'm lucky."

As if fate were listening in to find the most inopportune time for an interruption, my cell phone went off again.

I told Jazz to ignore it, "It's probably Rose again, it's been a whole hour and I haven't called to give her the play-by-play yet."

We went back to kissing, slowly and passionately, when my phone rang again.

He sighed but continued making small circles around my tongue with his.

"I swear, from now on when you come over, we turn off all phones and electronics." I kissed him again, swatting at my phone.

Finally, when whoever was calling, called a third time, I pushed away from Jazz and answered in a huff, "Hello? Can't this wait?"

"Bella?"

"Emmett? What's going on?"

"Edward is going on. He's out of control drunk over here. I wouldn't ask this if I absolutely didn't have to, but can you help me please? If he wakes up our parents him and I are both in deep shit. We're fucking bombed, Bells."

"Dammit, Emmett. You fucking owe me big for this shit. I mean like gigantic diamond tennis bracelet big."

"Whatever you want, Bells. Please just calm this drunk fucking asshat down, will you?" I heard a smash in the background and Emmett curse quietly on the phone, trying to shush Edward.

Looking at Jasper's sad face as I said, "I'll be there in two minutes" into the phone killed me.

"What's going on?" He asked me quietly.

I sighed, while getting my shirt back on and putting my shoes on quickly, "Edward got really drunk tonight with Emmett. I can almost guarantee those idiots were playing some drinking game pertaining to Family Guy trivia or something equally ridiculous and Edward lost. The last time something like this happened, it was Emmett who got hammered and locked himself in his bathroom with half of Edward's music collection threatening to break each one to pieces. It took Rose and I an hour to get him out of the bathroom."

Jasper looked at me questioningly and I went on, "Those two are oddballs when it comes to competition. I gotta get over there before Esme and Carlisle wake up and kill them."

Jasper stopped me, "What if they wake up and catch 'em, honey? It'll teach 'em a lesson and you can stay here with me..."

"As tempting as that sounds, I don't want those dummies to get in trouble and Emmett swears it's Edward being obnoxious this time and unfortunately I'm always the one that's able to talk Edward off a ledge so, I have to, but I'll make it up to you, okay?"

He smiled weakly, "Well how about I go with you and then I can stay here when we're done over there?"

I felt terrible but I wasn't ready for a sleepover with Jasper yet.

"I don't know how long it will take for me to calm him down. It could be minutes, it could take an hour and I have a feeling that if he's as hammered as Emmett says he is, he'll be an even bigger asshole if you're there."

Dammit, Edward. You're making me disappoint my boyfriend on the first day we're together.

"I understand, but I'll see you tomorrow right, my girl?"

I smiled and kissed him deeply, "You just try to avoid me tomorrow."

He walked me out and I kissed him goodbye, watching him as he pulled out of my driveway and down the street.

Turning to stare at the Cullen's house, I knew I was in for some kind of drama.

Shaking my head and walking forward, I quietly pushed open the front door and made my way up to Edward's room.

Emmett was leaned up against the far wall and Edward was busy taking books off his bookshelf, throwing them across the room.

He hadn't seen me come in yet and I heard, "Oh, she fucking _loves_ this one...she can fucking take it 'cause I don't want it in my room anymore. I don't fucking," he took a deep breath before shouting, "...want it anymore!"

Edward's copy of _Wuthering Heights_ breezed past my face fast and I cleared my throat to make it known I was there, "Uh, I'm going to go out on a limb and venture to say you're mad at me for something?"

Edward whipped around, his bronze hair in disarray over his perfectly chiseled face, "You're here?"

"Yep, in the flesh. What the hell are you doing?" I said as I took inventory of what his room looked like.

There was a pile of books near the book he had just thrown past me, CD's were strewn across his desk, clothes were torn out of the closet, my pile of Family Guy DVD's were on top of the DVD player, open, proving me right that they were playing a drinking game involving Peter Griffin, and a pile of my hair scrunchies were tossed all over his bed. It looked like I had at least a hundred there just on his bed and I knew there were more in his desk drawers.

"Good Lord, I have a lot of scrunchies here."

He sneered, "Yeah and you can take them all home. I'm de-Bella-ing my room."

I giggled, "It doesn't really have the same ring to it that de-Edwardizing has."

His mouth turned into a frown and then a scowl, "I'm not laughing here, Bella. I saw you and Jasper. It was disgusting and I'm so mad at you I could...I could..." he didn't answer, he turned his bookshelf over instead making a loud boom and it landed just inches from my feet.

Emmett jumped up then, I guess fearing for my safety and said, "Edward, that's enough man, you could have hurt her doing that. Not to mention wake Mom and Dad up. Our asses are grass if they hear any of this."

Poor Emmett was wasted and I knew Edward would never hurt me physically so I kissed his cheek and told him to get to bed.

"I'll handle Drunkward, it'll be fine."

Emmett grumbled something about Edward being a bitch and a sore loser before retiring to his room to sleep off his inebriation. He'd need all the rest he could get because when Rose finds out he was drunkenly competing with Edward again she was going to rip his ass a new one for hours. And then when she finds out that I had to leave Jasper to calm Edward down, he was really going to hear it.

Emmett promised since the bathroom incident that he wouldn't get drunk and challenge Edward anymore.

So much for that promise.

I looked at Edward. His eyes were blood-shot, his hair wild, and his shirt looked like it had rip on the shoulder.

"What the hell happened to you from the time you left my house to now?" I asked him.

"What happened?! What happened, she asks. I'll tell you what happened. My fucking heart is done, Bella. I can't do this anymore."

I was confused, "Keep your voice down or your parents will hear you. You're heart's done? What does that mean?"

And then I realized he must be talking about Tanya, "Oh God, Edward. Tanya's not worth all this. Don't let her get you all upset."

"If I was upset with Tanya, why would I be getting rid of things that remind me of _you_, Bella?" he slurred.

"Because...you're drunk? Because I'm the reason you know she was cheating on you. I told you, so naturally you're taking it out on me, whether you mean to or not."

"You're so fucking blind, Bella. But hey, I was too, so whatever."

I furrowed my eyebrows, not sure what the hell he was talking about as he went on, "So, are you and _Jazzy_," he sneered, "official now? Do I have to stay away from you for good? Are you fucking spoken for by Jasper _now_, Bell?"

"Whoa, whoa. What the hell are you so mad at me for, Edward?" I touched his cheek softly, a move I learned would always calm Edward down, no matter how mad he was at me.

He fell on his knees on the floor, still keeping his cheek on my hand, "I don't fucking know exactly why anymore, Bella. I'm angry for a plethora of reasons, I guess. I'm mad that I'm so fucked up, I'm mad that I can't be a good guy, I'm mad that you let Jasper take your shirt off and fucking touch you..." I stopped him before he could go on, pulling my hand away as if it had been burned.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Back the fuck up, Edward. How did you know that?"

He swallowed hard, probably realizing what he drunkenly let slip, "What? That I know that I'm not a good guy?"

"No, no. Go back to the Jasper had my shirt off part, Edward."

"Oh...," he said sheepishly.

"Yeah, oh, what the fuck, Edward? Were you _spying_ on us?"

"Not on purpose."

"How could it be an accident that you spied on us, Edward? What the hell...did you climb my fucking tree again?"

He looked up at me, face full of guilt, "I was just going to make sure he wasn't spending the night, you know, I thought maybe you guys fell asleep and I was just going to wake you, I thou-"

"Edward, no! That's weird! Why did you do that?! You could have called, you could have knocked on the front door for crying out loud! Ugh, you promised, Edward! You promised me you were going to back off and let me make my own decisions! No interference from you, remember?"

I kicked the desk next to me, screaming out in pain as I did, "Gah! Why do you have to do this stuff Edward? Why? Don't give me that I'm like your sister bullshit either because Emmett is _fine_ with me being alone with Jasper."

He grew quiet then, the only thing I heard were the steady intakes of his breath before he said, "I don't know."

He stood up and walked closer, and I could see he was undoubtebly planning to kiss me because in Edwardland all could be solved with a kiss from him, but I was prepared this time. I slapped him in the face as his lips descended to mine.

"Don't. Don't you dare try that tonight, Edward. You're right. I am spoken for. Jasper and I are a couple now. He asked me tonight and you will respect that."

"Oh, just like he respects our friendship, Bella? He fucking threatened me today. He doesn't want us hanging out so he begged me to leave you alone. He must not know that much about our friendship if he's thinks you'd want me to stop hanging out with you."

I scoffed, "Jasper would never threaten you, Edward. He wouldn't want you stay away from me. He knows how important you are to me, though I'm starting to forget why myself."

I crossed my arms over my chest then and turned away from him, "You've got to stop being like this. He's not going to be okay with us hanging out and being friends if you try to kiss me everytime I turn around."

"He shouldn't be okay with us hanging out..."

Tired of fighting, I asked quietly, "What does that even _mean_?"

I continued speaking faster, "Why does everything you say have to be so damn cryptic? Why can't you just say what you feel instead of speaking in fucking riddles?"

He flopped on to his bed then and with a shaky voice said, "I don't know that either. I wish I could be clear on my feelings, too. Trust me."

I started cleaning up his room then, because that's how our friendship worked, Edward throws tantrums and I clean up after them. It was a way for me to always have something to do with my hands so I didn't have to face whatever issues we were going through at the time.

Everything in this moment was too serious.

I flitted about his room as he lay on his bed, watching me with eyes clouded over with an emotion unknown to me.

"So, you're Jasper's..._girlfriend_ now?" He said the word like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

As I put the CD's in their cases and back up on the shelf, I said, "Yes. So, behave. Be respectful. Had I known you were with...Tanya all those times you kissed me, I never would have kissed you back. That was wrong of you to do to her and I will not do that to Jasper, got it?"

He nodded minutely, sighing and rolling towards the wall, "I'll do my best. I don't like him though, Bella. I'll try to behave when he's around me and I'll make sure I keep my lips to myself when I drink, but I don't have to like him."

"That's all I'm asking, Edward. Don't be... the possessive you when he's around and I'll be happy."

Rolling back towards me, he said, "He makes you happy, Bell?"

"Yes, he makes me very happy."

I could have sworn I saw a tear fall from his eye and onto the pillow, "Then I'll fucking keep trying to be nice, Bella, I will. But only because it's you."

He patted the spot next to him on the bed, and I warned him with my eyes not to try any funny business as I flopped onto the bed next to him.

"So, what set you off tonight really? Seeing us like that or something else?"

He sighed, "I don't know. Emmett and I were watching Family Guy drinking vodka and things got out of hand."

"I figured as much from looking around the room...but Stewie planning world domination couldn't have possibly had you trying to get rid of all things Bella and scaling trees and causing general destruction to whatever you touched, so what happened?"

He chuckled, but his voice was without humor, "I just feel alone, Bell. Completely fucking alone."

"Why would you ever feel that way?"

"Well, I mean not to make you feel bad but look at my life. You're with Jasper now, Esme and Carlisle still can't keep their hands off each other and are always off on business or being like newlyweds somewhere, Rose and Emmett well you know how they are...Christ even Tanya has James again. Who the fuck do I have?"

"Well, I'm not trying to be mean either but in my defense, I was alone for a long time, too. I mean you had Tanya for six months and I had no idea. At least with me having Jasper, you know about it, up front. No bullshit. There I was thinking that you and I were lonely and bored together when you were very much entertained. Plus, you're not Meg Griffin...you're Edward fucking Cullen, you could go to school tomorrow and hold American Idol-like auditions for a girlfriend and have close to a hundred girls to choose from."

I nudged his shoulder then and he smiled, drunkenly, "I hate American Idol and you entertained me more than Tanya ever did and all you did was kiss me."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, Edward."

"Seriously though, Bell, I just...I don't want Jasper...to take my place in your life." He managed to say.

"Edward, no matter how close Jasper and I get, he can never replace you. You are and always will be my crazy, slightly alcoholic best friend."

I put my head on his shoulder then and he said, "But I can't see the twins like he can."

I smacked him then and he laughed, "It's just not right."

"I can't believe I stopped kissing Jasper to come over here and help your drunk ass. I should have let Carlisle and Esme find you and ground you into next year."

"Shit. I'm glad you came here. I got you to stop kissing Jasper and I didn't get caught. But seriously, thanks for coming, Bell. It means a lot to me."

Yeah, yeah.

"You've got to stop drinking to feel better. This shit can't keep happening. Jasper probably won't be so understanding next time."

He grumbled, "Thanks, Mom" before dozing off into his alcohol induced sleep.

I gently got out of his bed and kissed his forehead before picking up the remainder of the things on the floor. I couldn't pick his bookshelf back up so I left it for him to deal with in the morning.

It serves him right for turning it over in the first place. I picked up _Wuthering Heights _and put it on his pillow to be a smart ass and walked out of his bedroom door, turning the light off as I left.

I sent Jasper a text message, telling him thanks for understanding and being the best boyfriend ever. It made me giddy to type out boyfriend and I told him to come over tomorrow for breakfast as soon as he woke up.

I brushed my teeth, washed my face and changed into pajamas before getting a text back from Jazz saying as long as I wasn't making pancakes he'd be there.

Little did I know, after tomorrow, my life would start to change forever.


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, so I wasn't planning on posting Chapter 12 just yet but I couldn't stop myself from writing it so, I hope you like it. You might be a teensy bit mad at me afterwards, but it's all for the sake of the story so, be easy on me!**

**As always, thanks to the usual suspects (and a few new ones!) for reviewing, I just love you guys: dreamngo4it9, ravens23fan (I was just thinking about how much I love Nathan Scott yesterday and thought of you, lol), kairikh2, lyndon's angel of light (thanks for the song suggestion!), NenaaTH, AllyR (sorry for frustrating you!!), An Unbroken Horse aka RushtonElf, kismit1496 (I hope this one will keep you enthralled as well!).**

**And even though she didn't review because I got this one up so fast and she's probably compiling a great music list for me that takes her _hours_, thanks to Maiya9182, for being my musical muse.**

**And a super huge, ginormous thank you to AmeryMarie for rec'ing my story on her last update. I almost died reading that. I heart you! But you know that.**

**Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, I just like playing with them. I read in that GQ article that Rob was in that he sits at home and reads some of the Twilight fanfic so...Robert if you come across this...I adore you! Haha.**

**----**

**BPOV**

Everything seemed to go okay after Edward's drunken tirade. Jasper wasn't mad at me which was my main concern.

Rose was pissed but she knew the way Emmett and Edward were with each other.

They loved each other fiercely, yes, but they constantly tried to one up one another. I hadn't got all the details from Edward just yet, because he was still nursing his hangover, and Emmett was busy kissing Rose's ass to make everything okay, but I'm sure what started out as innocently watching Family Guy turned into something neither one of them had any business participating in.

Emmett and Rose's anniversary was two days from now so I'm sure Rose was milking this for all it was worth, too. I love that girl.

When I went home after Edward's last night, I was lying in bed thinking about how completely fucked up everything had become before Jasper came to town and how much easier everything was now this he was here.

_Everything _was so easy-going with Jasper.

We didn't constantly bicker like Edward and I do.

We both have actual romantic feelings for each other which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for Edward and my situation.

Jasper was teaching me to stick to my decisions, grow a backbone so to say.

And yet, at the drop of a hat, Edward needs my help and I throw Jasper to the back burner.

That's just not fair to him.

In that moment, I promised myself that I would give my all to Jasper and any residual feelings for Edward I may have were going to be pushed into the back of my mind, locked away and never opened again.

Jasper came over for breakfast in the morning like he promised he would. I made french toast for us and we ate in companionable silence until he said, "So, I have something kind of fun planned for us. You may not think it's fun going into it, but I promise once you start you'll love it."

I swallowed the piece of french toast I was chewing, "What do you mean? It's not sky-diving right because I cross the line at jumping out of a plane."

He chuckled and took a drink of his orange juice, "No, it's not sky-diving, Bella. I was thinking something in the extreme sports genre just not that extreme, it's actually pretty tame considering where we could be doing it."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very coordinated. Extreme sports and I don't mix. Look at what happened when we tried surfing and we didn't even get in the water."

"I know, I know. You were totally going to _try_ surfing though. That was enough for me."

I sighed, "Okay Mr. Extreme, what is it you have planned?"

"Well there's this indoor rock-climbing place..."

I stopped him, "Let me get this straight, you want _me _to willingly climb up a rock that's however many feet high and not fall headfirst to my untimely death?"

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic? You do wear a harness when you climb, Bella," he said with a chuckle.

I blushed, "I know that. I just also know that I tend to find ways to hurt myself no matter what safety precautions are involved and climbing up a rock sounds like one way of most definitely hurting myself."

He tried tickling my side, "Come on! I know you'll like it once we get there. I bet you didn't think you'd like to play paintball when we went last week and you kicked ass at that."

"I only kicked ass at shooting the girl that was hitting on you all day."

He smiled then, "And that was a complete turn-on, trust."

I giggled, "Fine, I'll try this. But that means you have to do something that I like to do with me, okay?"

"Fair enough, sweet cheeks. Now get your pretty little butt upstairs and get ready."

"Okay, okay. Listen Charlie should be getting in soon so can you tell him I left him a plate of food in the microwave?"

He saluted me, "Gotcha, do you think he'll be pissed that I'm here so early in the morning?"

"No, I called him this morning and told him you were coming over for breakfast. Edward used to stay the night for goodness sakes, I'm sure he's okay with my boyfriend having breakfast with me."

Crap. I mentioned Edward _again_.

What happened to the promise to yourself, Bella? Already talking about Edward and it's only 9 in the morning.

Good job, dumbass.

Jasper looked angry when he spat, "How is ol' Eddie this morning? Did he get you to tuck him in, all nice and safe?"

Jazz never really used any other tone but sweet with me so the way he aimed the question at me felt off.

"Listen, Jasper, I really am sorry about bailing last night. I wouldn't have but they're like my family you know?"

"If that's the case, you and Edward are a little incestuous then."

I was offended by that, "Meaning?"

"It means, Bella, that you had or hell probably still _have_ feelings for Edward that aren't brotherly and Edward _has _feelings for you that certainly are not sisterly."

"I resent that. I'm with _you,_ Jasper. I told you everything that was going on with Edward from the very beginning so I wasn't hiding anything from you. As for Edward, those aren't romantic feelings he has, trust me, he just has a problem sharing what he deems to be his. He's always been that way and he's slowly starting to get the hint from me that times are changing. I told you I wanted to make this work between us, so let it work. I really like you."

His face softened then and he pulled me into a hug, "I'm sorry. I just, I get a little crazy when it comes to Edward being around you. I know that he's your best friend, I do, I get it, but you can't fault me for being a little insecure that he was once that guy for you, you know? He was the one you I'm sure you dreamed about marrying at one point and I'm a little threatened."

I couldn't help but feel like I was trapped in a Dawson's Creek episode or something.

Pacey or Dawson?

I sniffed, getting a whiff of Jasper's delicious smelling cologne and sighed, "I know that and I'm sorry if it upsets you. I don't want to hurt you, ever. I jumped right into this with you because I like you. And it all happened _so_ fast but I know it's right. So much so that it scares me a little. I just can't completely turn my back on Edward just because I have you. He's still my family, whatever feelings I had aside, he is."

He had his chin resting on the top of my head, "No, you're right. I just have to get over the jealous boyfriend routine. I knew going into this what I was up against and I told you before, you're worth the struggle. So long as it's me your kissing, I'm okay with it all."

Before he could say anything else, I wrapped both my arms around his neck and leaned in for a kiss. He quickly obliged me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in close to him. I was tempted to grab him by the collar and drag him up to my room, but I knew Charlie would be in any minute and the last thing I needed was the Chief finding us in bed together.

I pulled away slowly, kissing him softly one more time on his utterly perfect lips, before sashaying my way up the steps with a wink, telling him I'd be down in a minute.

When I came down from getting ready, Charlie had come home and was sitting in the kitchen with Jasper, talking about something to do with baseball or god knows what other sport, eating the breakfast I made for him.

"Hey Bells, thanks for breakfast. It's delicious."

I smiled, "No problem, I figured you deserved it after pulling another double at the station."

"Yeah, Deputy Mark's wife brought us in a casserole last night and honestly, it tasted like feet. I've been living off the vending machine Twinkies since then. It's good to have something edible right now."

I laughed, "Well, Jasper and I are going to some indoor rock-climbing place today because apparently he wants me to fall to my death. Do you want to come witness it, Dad?"

He chuckled, "No, no. I'm good, I'm going to finish up this food here and then I'm off to sleep for the next, oh, ten hours or so. But, uh, be careful okay, Bells?"

Jasper looked nervously at Charlie then, "I promise I won't let her fall to her death, they have safety harnesses."

Charlie patted him on the back from where he was sitting, "Heck, I know Bella's penchant for the dramatics. She's in good hands with you, Jasper. I'm sure of it."

I smiled then, touched that Charlie thought so highly of Jasper.

"Okay, enough of this Bella-bashing, let's get my impending death overwith already."

I kissed Charlie on the cheek and we were off.

Forty-five minutes later we were pulling into the parking lot of a large, gray building.

I gulped, trying to persuade Jazz to pick a new activity, "How about we see a movie? I hear there's a great zombie one playing."

"Tsk, tsk. No distractions. You'll do great. Come on."

He dragged me by the hand into the building. When we walked in I took a look around at the place. There were several walls designed to look like rocks. There were people standing on the ground, people climbing the walls, people messing with harnesses and every single sight made me want to high-tail it back to the car.

Jasper looked excited.

"Doesn't this look like fun? Come on, Bella, cheer up! It'll be awesome!"

I shrugged my shoulder, cheering unenthusiastically, "Woo-hoo."

Eventually we got everything sorted out that we needed to and Jasper and I were standing at the base of what one of the employees here called the "Beginner Wall", harnessed and ready to go. It didn't look like a damn beginner wall to me. It looked like the wall that would soon cause my demise.

It was like a wall of the Grand Canyon.

Okay, so maybe that was a little exaggerated, but still, it was fucking big to me and I wanted no part of it.

Suddenly, a petite girl with spiky black hair came into view shaking me from my worried thoughts.

"Hi, I'm Alice! I'm going to be your personal cheerleader today!"

I scrunched my nose up, "Huh?"

She giggled, "Well, my dad owns this place and ever since I was little he said I've just been this little ball of energy so I figured I'd put it to good use and help out here with the people that are nervous. You'd be surprised just how many people get scared before climbing up the wall. I mean I know it's not outside or anything but it is _really_ high up and some people just freeze up."

I looked to her with a confused expression, "Aren't you supposed to be convincing me to climb up the wall, not scaring the shit out of me and making me want to flee?"

Jasper chuckled then, grabbing my waist from behind and pulling me into him so that my back was flush with his front, "Relax, darlin'. You can do this."

Alice noticed Jasper then and stuck her hand out, "Hi, I'm Alice Brandon."

Jasper nodded his head and took her hand, "Hey there, I'm Jasper and this nervous little cutie here is Bella."

"Wow, Bella. That's a pretty name. I like it. So, are you ready to start your climb?"

I shook my head, "No, I have no idea what I'm doing."

Alice showed me all the proper moves for climbing up the walls, where to grab, how to position my body so that I wouldn't fall like a jackass and she even showed me a few tricks to use when trying to climb back down. She was a great teacher because eventually I was almost all the way up the wall and having a blast.

"This is so much fun!" I squealed down to Alice and Jasper, who were looking up at me in amusement.

Jasper cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, "I'm having fun, too. I have a great view from down here!"

I stuck my tongue out at him and started to make my way back down.

Pretty soon I was down on the ground and watching as Jasper made his way up the wall effortlessly.

"So, is he your boyfriend?" Alice asked curiously.

I giggled because I never got tired of the feeling I felt when I heard the word boyfriend referring to Jasper, "Yes, actually he is."

Alice sighed, "It's so true that all the cute ones are always taken."

I smiled at her, "Nah, not all of 'em."

"Ohhh, does that mean you have some more friends that look like _him_?" She said as she pointed up at Jasper.

Normally, I would get jealous if a girl referred to Jasper as good looking, like when the girl at the paintball place was shamelessly hitting on him and even butted into our game to try to flirt with him some more, but with Alice, I just felt comfortable.

Like I'd known her for years.

"Well, they don't look like Jazz really, but I know quite a few that are delicious in their own ways. My best friend Edward is gorgeous."

I almost didn't believe it myself that I was telling this girl about Edward. I would have never done that three weeks ago. I would have guarded him fiercely and kept him a secret but I knew why my attitude had changed.

Because of the ridiculously hot guy climbing up a wall like Spiderman, ten feet above me. He was so different from anyone I'd ever met. He was always challenging me to try new things I was afraid of and break out of my shy girl shell. I loved that about him. He made me discover the real me more often than not. I was having a blast rock-climbing and I never would have pegged myself as being the type to like doing something like that.

But everything with Jasper was different.

"That's what I'm talking about, tell me more!" Alice jumped up and down excitedly.

We talked about everything from Edward to Jasper to Emmett and Rose, while Jasper scaled a harder wall. We literally talked non-stop for two whole hours. I only climbed one other wall before giving up half-way through and climbing back down to talk to her some more. Jasper eventually had to pry me away from her.

I loved her. She was so much fun.

"Okay, sweet cheeks, I brought you here to rock climb and you end up making a new best friend. Rose will not be happy with me."

I laughed, kissing him on the cheek before turning back to Alice, "How about we hang out sometime? My best friend Rose is thinking about having a party tonight because her parents are away. Would you maybe wanna come?"

Alice squealed loudly, so loudly it hurt my ears, and grabbed my phone to program her number into it. I put my number into her phone, waved goodbye to her, and started motioning with my hands up to my ear telling her to call me as Jazz and I made our way out to the parking lot.

"Well that was successful...I guess," he said with a smile.

"What?" I said innocently.

"Don't play coy with me, missy. You climbed one wall and then spent the entire time talking to Alice."

I pretended I was offended, "I'll have you know I climbed one and a _half_ walls, thank you."

He looked at me amused and I said, "Hey, mister, you wanted me to have fun and I did. I liked climbing the wall, I did, but I really like her, Jazz. She's cool and she's so friggin different. She gets me."

He shrugged, "Okay, whatever makes you happy. But what was with the whole Rose is throwing a party thing? When did she decide that?"

"This morning before you came over she called me to tell me about it."

"Why the hell didn't she tell me about it?"

I looked up at the sky then, saying quickly, "Because she knew you would probably try to stop it and she wanted me to distract you so that she could set up for it."

He pretended to be offended, "What the shit? Does she think I'm a fucking dork or something? Like I wouldn't love a good reason to piss our dad off."

I smiled and kissed his nose, "I know it, you rebel you."

Jasper and his dad didn't have the best relationship, but it was way better than the relationship he had with his mom's fiance back in Texas. Rose's dad was a sweet man, he honestly was, but Jasper resented him for a good reason.

They were from two different worlds and Jasper never really understood how his dad could have treated his mom the way he did. Jasper loved his mother fiercely and guarded her with all he had, until she met the new guy. Then he was pushed to the wayside and I knew exactly how that felt. I could literally feel his pain and I hated it.

The pain of abandonment never really leaves you. It feels like it's always hovering over you, reminding you you're not good enough. If your own mom doesn't want you around, what kind of a person must you be?

That's why I clung to Esme the way I did. She was like my adopted mother, too.

Jasper looked at me, "Something on your mind?"

"No, I was just thinking about tonight, I hope Alice comes," I said, trying to sound like I wasn't just thinking of my mother or his.

"She seemed nice. Maybe she and Edward will hit it off," he said with an almost hopeful tone.

"Yeah, maybe."

On the drive home I called Rose to see how everything was going and she said to meet at her house in an hour, so Jasper dropped me off at home to get ready and I told him I'd drive over when I was done.

Climbing up the steps to my house, my cell started ringing and I looked at the caller I.D., surprised that Alice was actually calling me.

"Alice! I'm so glad you called."

She giggled, "I was almost worried you gave me a fake number."

I laughed, walking into my house and throwing my bag on the table, "Never. So are you going to come tonight?"

----

**EPOV**

Ow.

I have got to stop drinking my weight in alcohol.

I turned over in my bed, to try to go back to sleep and my arm hit something.

I opened my eyes to see the offending object, _Wuthering Heights_, ugh, and instantly last night's events played back like a movie in my mind.

Emmett and I watching Family Guy, him telling me that everytime Peter said 'sweet' I had to drink, upping the ante to two drinks everytime Stewie plotted to kill Lois, me trying to one up him by downing four shots whenever a character was even on the screen doing _anything_ at all and not too long after I was weeping like a little bitch saying I needed to see Bella.

I flew out of the house and barged to her front door but it was locked, and then I saw Jasper's new fucking car was still in the driveway. The thought of him staying the night with her fucking infuriated me and I was drunk so I barrelled around to the back yard and started climbing her tree. Emmett caught up to me then and tried to stop me, climbing up the tree after me but I was more skilled at climbing this particular tree so I got to the top first, only to see something that made me want to fling myself down to the ground in hopes of breaking my neck.

Jasper hovering over my Bella.

My Bella with no shirt on.

Shit.

Fuck this.

This shit is creepy, I need to get down, _stat_.

I fucking pushed Emmett down by his head, struggling to get down, ripping my shirt in the process and hauled ass back to my vodka bottle.

I didn't drink slowly after that and it was nothing but a disaster that followed.

I smashed CD's, I threw books, I ripped any clothes _she_ ever bought me out of my closet, I fucking cursed ever meeting Isabella Marie Swan and I had an epiphany that this must have been how Bella felt after seeing me with Tanya.

How's that for fucking karma, huh?

No wonder she gave me all my shit back.

This feeling of purging her from my life was therapeutic but depressing all at the same time.

In the middle of it all, I vaguely remember Emmett being on the phone with someone and then all of a sudden Bella was there. She was so god damn beautiful that she almost looked like a hallucination to me.

And of course I tried to kiss her again because we all know I'm a fucking masochist that enjoys being turned down left and right by the girl of my dreams.

Then she dropped the bomb that her and Jasper were official and I wanted to vomit.

But she pulled her patented 'calm Edward down by touching his cheek' move and I was done.

She calmed me down and I passed out on my bed.

So now here I am, cursing myself for trying to fucking always be number one to Emmett and letting Bella see drunk Edward once again.

I bet that shit was getting old.

My thoughts were interrupted by the blaring ring of my cell phone and I reached out to silence the god awful sound, "Hello?"

"Well hello there, Drunkward, how are you this fine morning?" my best friend sing-songed...when the fuck did Bella sing-song anything?

Ugh, a happy Bella means things are still fucking sunshine and roses with her and Jasper and that thought mixed with my hangover made me want to throw up.

Can't they just break up already?

"What the fuck is so fine about it?"

"Rose is throwing a party tonight, that's what."

Huh.

"For what?"

"Who cares? We get to party...shut up! Plus...I met this really awesome girl today when Jazz and I were rock-climbing and I think you'll like her."

I scoffed, "So many things are wrong with that sentence, I don't even know where to begin."

If she were in front of me, I'm sure she'd have that little crinkle in her forehead she gets when I say something to try to ruin her mood, "What? I had a good time rock-climbing and Alice is fucking awesome, Edward. You'll like her."

"Whatever. I'm sure she's fucking fantastic and all that. Listen, I know I did crazy shit again last night, so I'm sorry and I'll try to be less...drunk, I guess."

"Yeah, yeah. We'll see tonight. I gotta go though. I'm getting ready to leave to go to Jasper's to help Rose set up. Pre-gaming starts at 5."

"We're not going to a fucking football game, Bella. We're having a party."

She amended, "Fine Grumpward DrunkPants, pre-partying starts at 5. See you then, k?"

I sighed, "Yeah, fine. Bye."

She hung up and I wanted to strangle the phone. Who the fuck was this Alice girl and why was Bella pushing me towards her? I thought she couldn't stand to see me with other girls.

Maybe she's over me.

That can't be possible, right? I mean she can't possibly just fall out of love with me that quick.

Can she?

Fuck.

Maybe she didn't really know what falling in love was until Jasper came into the picture.

Shit.

Well, fine. She wants to make me fall in love with her and then set me up with someone else?

I'll do just that.

Game on, Bella Swan. Game fucking on.

----

**BPOV**

I felt buoyant as I bounced around Rose's house filling up bowls with chips and pretzels, dancing around to whatever God awful pop song she had playing.

Who the fuck cares what's on?

I had a hot ass boyfriend that took me to do amazing things, my crazy ass blond best friend completed me, my friendship with Edward was semi-back on track and I met another awesome potential friend to possibly set Edward up with.

While a small part of my mind had this nagging thought that it was wrong to push the two of them together, another larger part remembers Edward telling me that he felt alone.

He seemed so defeated and it killed me.

Maybe he really did need someone.

I mean it still kind of hurt deep down in my heart that I wasn't his someone.

But I had Jasper so why be a bitch and keep him from meeting his potential soulmate?

I hated that word.

Soulmate.

Blah.

Jasper came up to me then, wrapping one arm around my waist and handing me a drink with the other.

"Ready to party, princess?"

"Ew, I'm not a princess. I hate that damsel in distress shit."

Jasper chuckled, "Always the feminist."

"No, not a feminist. Just independent. Well, trying to be."

He winked at me, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

Edward and Emmett walked in then, Emmett booming for someone to pass him a fucking drink already.

We were two rounds of shots in when people started arriving.

Jasper and Rose were floating around, each taking turns being host and bouncer, so I stood awkwardly by the door enjoying the fruity concoction Bartender Emmett made me.

I guess I didn't learn my lesson the last time he mixed my drinks.

Edward came to stand next to me but we kind of just looked at each other weirdly and smiled.

Some of the people at the party I didn't even recognize but one of the partygoers bounced towards me like some kind of fairy and immediately I was bombarded with a hug.

I squealed like such a girl, "Alice! I'm so glad you came!"

She hugged me tight, "I told you I would."

Jasper found us then, as I was introducing Edward and Alice.

"Alice, this is my best friend Edward, Edward this Alice. Her dad owns that rock climbing place all the way down the 101."

Edward nodded politely, taking her hand, saying, "Nice to meet you."

Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist, placing his chin on my shoulder, "Hey Alice, nice seeing you again."

Alice beamed then, "Nice to meet you too, Edward. And Jasper, you're house is _gorgeous_. Thanks for letting me come."

Jasper blushed, which was odd, and said, "No problem."

Edward cleared his throat, I guess feeling awkward like I did but not knowing why, and said, "So, Alice, can I get you a drink?"

She agreed and the two of them made their way to the kitchen.

I furrowed my brow, looking at Jasper, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't know, I just got a weird vibe just then. Guess it's just the drinks."

He chuckled, "In that case, let's get you another."

"Jasper Whitlock Hale, do you take me for some kind of lush?"

He looked at me playfully, "One can only hope, darlin'."

The night went on without incident. Alice and Edward sat on the couch talking about music, drinking steadily, Jazz and I sat on the arm chair together just enjoying each other's company, and Rose and Emmett, well, we didn't see much of them so I'm assuming they were making up in her bedroom.

As the party died down, I couldn't help but notice that Alice was three sheets to the wind and in no condition to be driving. I couldn't really blame her. The girl was tiny and she was sipping Rum and Coke's like it was her job.

"Alice, there are plenty of guest rooms here to stay in. I mean the place is huge, there's no need for you to have to drive."

She slurred, "Really? I didn't mean to get this drunk, I was just having a really good time."

I giggled, "It's fine really. If you happen to run into Rose on the way up, just tell her who you are and she'll set you up with anything you need."

"Oh, well, I ran into Rosalie and her boyfriend in the kitchen earlier and she didn't seem that thrilled to meet me when Edward introduced us."

I chuckled, "Rose is a little protective of me. She gets a little territorial when it comes to someone she deems to be a threat to mine and her friendship."

I heard Jasper mumble, "That sentiment seems to run rampant in this group," and I saw Edward glare at him, but thankfully not deck him.

I tried to diffuse the situation but Edward offered to show her where a guest room was before getting a ride home and I was eternally grateful. I was far too drunk to play host.

I had planned on staying at the Hale's house, too. In another guest room, because I still wasn't ready to stay overnight, officially, with Jasper, just yet.

Jasper and I started cleaning up and we took one more shot before calling it a night.

He kissed me goodnight at the door and I blushed, contemplating amending my 'no sleepover with Jasper yet' rule.

I had to admit that the last shot did me in, though. I didn't even change into the pajamas I packed, I just flopped onto the guest bed and fell straight into a peaceful, drunken slumber.

I woke up to Jasper petting my head, telling me good morning.

I yawned and stretched, suggesting to him that we get breakfast with Alice, Rose, and Emmett.

"That sounds good. You go wake up Alice, I'll take waking up Rose and Emmett...hopefully they're clothed," he shuddered.

I giggled, slipping on my shoes and deciding I needed to run a brush through my hair and brush my teeth ASAP, after waking up Alice.

I padded down to the guest room I figured Alice was in and knocked lightly on the door.

I didn't hear anything so I opened the door gently so I wouldn't startle her.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw though.

I should have never came in here.

Ever.

Alice was there, her spiky black hair completely disheveled and her makeup smudged a bit.

But she wasn't alone.

Laying next to her, with his shirt off, was my best friend in the entire world.

The one that I pushed towards Alice.

My Edward was laying next to Alice and there wasn't a god damn thing I could say.

A strangled, choking sound came out of my mouth without me even realizing it and I started to back up towards the door.

Why the hell did this hurt so bad?

I pushed them together, this is what I wanted, right?

Get the fuck over it Bella, you have Jasper.

Shit.

Jasper.

Edward.

Edward and Alice.

I finally found the door knob in my jumbled thoughts, I never once thought to turn my back on the scene in front of me that I was so rudely intruding upon.

As I opened the door and started walking out, Edward's head popped up making eye contact with me, and he jumped out of the bed after me.

"Bella, wait!"

----

**EPOV**

I could tell I was still drunk before even opening my eyes.

This was starting to become a troublesome habit.

I wondered just what the fuck I got myself into last night.

Nothing was coming to mind and that scared me.

I heard a noise that startled me so I looked up, taking in the scene in front of me.

I wasn't alone in the bed I was in.

That girl...Alice...was next to me.

Oh fuck.

But that wasn't all.

Bella was standing at the door of the room, trying to escape into the hallway but having trouble with the door knob.

Ohhhhh fuck.

I hopped out of the bed not even thinking, yelling, "Bella, wait!"

I chased her out into the hallway, where she turned around, "Edward, you don't even have any pants on! Go back in the room!"

I looked down sheepishly, blushing, when I suddenly noticed just how drafty it was down south.

Before I could say another word, the door to Rose's room opened and of fucking course, Jasper, Rose and Emmett all came barrelling out.

Each one of them had a look of pure shock and confusion on their faces.

Except for Jasper. He looked fucking smug and almost _happy_ that this happened.

None of their faces looked like Bella's though.

Bella's face after seeing me in the room with Alice would haunt me for the rest of my life.

It was clear what she felt.

Betrayed.

I betrayed her.

But then I started to get angry.

She wanted me to fucking get all chummy with Alice. Who the fuck was she to get mad at me for doing exactly what she wanted?

God knows she probably fucking slept all cuddly next to Jasper last night.

Fuck this and fuck her.

I turned to walk back into the room where my pants were, when Rose said, "Why the fuck are you naked in my hallway?"

Bella answered for me, "Alice."

Rose put two and two together, "That's fucking vile! I can't believe you fucked some random _stranger_ in my house. Ew, God."

She turned to Bella then, "I knew I had a bad feeling about that girl, Bella. What a slut."

Bella shook her head then, "No, Rose, stop. She's not a slut. I just, let's go to breakfast, okay? Edward can you take Alice home?"

I was shocked, not fucking believing that was all she was going to say to me, "Um, sure."

And with that, Jasper wrapped his arms around Bella's shoulder and guided her down the hallway and down the steps.

Emmett patted me on the back, trying to supress a fucking laugh like an asshole, and Rosalie gave me a bitch glare before saying, "Get that whore out of my house, pronto. And fucking throw the sheets in the trash. No amount of bleach can take out skank."

And I was left pantless and alone in the hallway.

The hallway of my best friend who I happened to be in love with's boyfriend's house with a girl I barely knew, yet fucked last night.

What a fucking pickle this was.

----


	13. Chapter 13

**This took way too long. Hope you guys like it. Let me know, k?**

**Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, I almost stopped writing, but some of you convinced me to keep going, I heart you so: the wonderful Maiya9182, candyquakenbush (you def. convinced me!), dreamngo4it9, winternow, cha2010chi, AllyR(I loved your last review!), i-heart-music-is-life, tray81, k562, kammiya, the awesome PsychWardSiren, and of course my loverface AmeryMarie for being so effin spectacular.**

**As always, Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**----**

**BPOV**

"So...are we going to talk about the elephant in the room or are we just going to stare at each other over our eggs?" Emmett bellowed as we sat at our table in the diner.

I shrugged my shoulders indifferently, "I have no idea what elephant you speak of, Emmybear."

Raising his eyebrows, he pounded a fist on the table, "So, we're all just going to pretend like we didn't just find Edward pantsless in the hallway?"

Rose spit her coffee out, Jasper dropped his fork onto his plate, and I raised my glass of orange juice, toasting him sarcastically, "I'll drink to that."

Jasper smiled, placing his hand on my leg under the table, rubbing gentle reassuring strokes.

Rose wiped at her mouth and said, "Well, I want to talk about it."

I took a bite of my eggs, "Why?"

"Because he _just_ met her. And he's supposed to be all upset over Tanya, according to you. So why is he hooking up with _Alice_,"she said her name with disgust, "In _my_ guest room?"

"Did you ever stop and think that maybe that's why he did it? To get over Tanya? Cut him some slack, Rose. If _I'm _not mad at them, then you shouldn't be."

Jasper's hand stopped moving on my leg then, "What's that supposed to mean?"

I swallowed hard and stammered, realizing I had said something I shouldn't have, "What?"

"You implied that if anyone were to have a reason to be mad, it was you. And I want to know why you feel that you're entitled to feel that way. Do you have some unspoken claim over Edward that I don't know about?"

I shook my head, "Don't be silly. I misspoke. Let's drop this stupid conversation."

Rose and Emmett glanced at us uncomfortably as Jasper went on, "It's only stupid because you don't know how to explain this to me."

I touched his arm, "Jazz, I didn't mean anything by it," he pulled his arm away then and I put my head down on the table, murmuring, "I don't know what to say."

Emmett spoke up then, trying to save me, "Why don't we forget my dumbass little brother for awhile and go do something fun?"

I picked my head up to look at Jasper, smiling, "Yeah, come on, Jazzy let's go show them how good you are at SkeeBall."

He shook his head no, standing up to leave, "I'm not in the mood, I just want to go home."

He told us he'd be in the Jeep and started walking to the door. I jumped up to follow him and we walked outside.

"Jasper, please talk to me."

He turned to face me, "What's there to talk about, Bella?"

"I'm sorry that I said that. I didn't mean anything by it. Old habits die hard I guess. That _used_ to be something that I would get mad about. But I'm _not_, like I said to Rose."

He eyed me skeptically, "What you don't understand is that I've become pretty attuned to you. I've been learning to gauge your emotions and I can see with my own two eyes that you're upset. It's all over your face."

"The only thing I'm upset about, Mr. _Mood Reader_, is that we're wasting our perfectly good Sunday talking about Edward's sluttiness," I said as I stepped closer to him, taking his hand.

A slow, wry smirk spread across his face, "Well, what do you suggest we talk about then?"

I wrapped my arms around him, placing a kiss below his ear, "I thought we could start with this," I placed another kiss on his ear, before flitting my tongue out to his earlobe, "And this."

He shuddered, making a noise that was sexy and animalistic all at once, "Keep talking."

I kept gently licking and nipping at his earlobe, and said, "I think we should have a much deeper conversation in your room, Tex."

He grabbed my hand, gently tugging me towards the door of the restaurant. As we walked in, he motioned to the waiter, "Check, please!"

I giggled as we walked back to Rose and Emmett. Everyone finished their meals, we paid, and walked back out to leave. The ride home was a lot more pleasant than the ride to the diner. Everyone loosened up and we were even joking around like normal. Jasper and I kissed most of the way home, even though Emmett kept stealing glances at us.

Eventually, he made eye contact with Jasper in the mirror and said, "Dude, I'm cool with you dating her but ew, do that shit behind closed doors. Sick."

I laughed, pulling away from Jasper for a second, "Can it, Em. I've been a witness to far too many of yours and Rose's twisted mating rituals."

He smiled wickedly, "This is true. But still it's weird."

Jasper chimed in then, "Yeah, well it's weird that I can't think about pancakes," he pretended to gag, "Without seeing your ass, you big fucking oaf."

Rose turned beet red, and Emmett whistled, "Funny, I can't think about any breakfast food without thinking of Rosie's perfect ass."

Rosalie smacked him then as we were pulling into her driveway, "Shut the hell up, Emmett." He wiggled his eyebrows at her and she couldn't help but laugh.

As we parked the car, I looked over at my truck and noticed that Edward was sitting on the hood.

Rose noticed then, too, "What the hell is he still doing here?"

I shrugged, "I have no idea."

Emmett and Rose got out and went straight into the house. I guess they didn't want to deal with Edward drama.

Lucky bastards.

Jasper took my hand to help me out of the Jeep and he didn't let go of it as we walked over to see what was up with Edward.

Edward looked at me then with a hardness in his emerald eyes that disturbed me, "Um, Alice drove herself here last night. And I guess I was too drunk to remember that Emmett drove me here. Can you drive me home, Bell?"

I started to say something, but Jasper spoke up first, "Why didn't you get Alice to drive you home?"

Edward looked to Jasper with a look that clearly said back off, "Don't you think that would have been a little awkward, dude?"

"You didn't think it was awkward to sleep with her, _bro_, so why would it be weird to drive home with her?"

Edward hopped off the hood and I was sure there was about to be fisticuffs, but he just looked to Jasper, "I don't need your fucking input right now, _Jazzy_."

Edward looked to me then, "Can you take me home or not, Bella?"

Jasper stepped closer to Edward, so that they were almost nose to nose,"She can't. We're busy, chief, sorry."

And with that said, Jasper tugged on my arm and we stalked into the house.

Jasper found Emmett then, telling him as we passed him to go up the stairs, "Your asshole brother needs a ride home."

Jasper shut his bedroom door quietly before leading me over to the bed.

Lying in Jasper's bed always felt a little foreign to me. I'd only been in it a few times since we'd decided to be a couple. Most of the time it was completely innocent. Gentle kisses and hand holding while we watched a movie.

But today, Jasper wasted no time getting down to business. It was like he was trying to prove something to not only me, but to himself.

It shook me a little, but not enough to stop.

After a few minutes of intense kissing, I pulled away out of breath, "Jazz, are you okay?"

He kept kissing up and down my neck, pulling at the bottom of my shirt with frantic hands.

"I'm fine," he growled fiercely between kisses on my shoulder.

"It's just that...," I didn't finish because he hit a spot that made goosebumps raise on my body.

Kissing Jasper was always exciting, like he had the power to render my mood with his lips.

I pulled him closer to me, feeling the warmth of his body over mine, begging for him to devour me more.

He moaned lightly as I ran my hands up and down his strong arms, his muscles rippling as I did.

"You are so, so sexy, Jasper..." I whispered as I made it so that I was hovering above him now, slowly creeping down to kiss his jawline before capturing his mouth with my own. He grabbed the back of my head with one hand, holding me to him.

I was so turned on that all I wanted to do with him was go farther and farther. And I might have, if Jasper wouldn't have whispered against my lips, "I will make you forget _him_, Bella."

Confused, I pulled away, "What?"

He continued kissing me, saying against my lips, "Nothing, forget it."

Grabbing his hand and pulling it away from my head, I slowly rose to sit on top of him, my legs on both sides of his body.

I could feel his excitement from where I sat and that would normally turn me on to no end, but after his whispered confession, not so much.

I was so confused, I whispered, "What do you mean you can make me forget him? Who are you-,"

Then it dawned on me, "Are you talking about Edward? While we're kissing?!"

He put his hands over his face, sighing into them, "Of course I'm talking about Edward, Bella. That's what my life has become. A fucking walking joke with Edward as the punchline."

"What do you mean? We were fine, Jasper. What the hell is going on?"

He looked at me then, "Edward is always an issue and try as I may to forget his stupid ass, he just pops up out of nowhere to fuck everything up, all the time."

"Forgive me for being so thoroughly confused, but again, what the hell are you talking about? You were thinking of Edward while we were kissing? Should I be concerned?" I tried to joke, but really it was no laughing matter.

"Of course _I'm_ not thinking about Edward but for some reason I can't escape the thought that _you_ are."

"Why? Jazz, I didn't say a word to him outside, _you_ spoke for me the whole time."

Exasperated, he sat up, gently pushing me off of him so he could stand, "I spoke for you because I couldn't stand to hear what you would say to him. How am I supposed to know that you wouldn't have dropped everything, all of our plans, to drive him home?"

"Um, because I didn't. I would never. You're my boyfriend, Jasper."

He threw his hands up in the air, "I chimed in first, Bella. I told him no. What if I wouldn't have?"

"I would have told him that I was hanging out with you, just like we had planned at the diner earlier! Just like we are, well were before you stopped us," I said with utter confusion lacing my voice.

What the hell was he so upset about? I was where I wanted to be. With Jasper, making out, possibly going farther and he stops me to talk about Edward?

What the hell?

"Bella, I can't say with certainty that you would have stayed. And that kills me. I just don't know."

I tried to make him get back in the bed with me and stop being so paranoid, "That's ridiculous. I'm here. Now, stop being crazy and kiss me, Tex." I tried to use my nickname for him to soften him up a bit and he still wouldn't budge.

He shook his head, defeated, "This is wrong. I thought I could handle it," his voice broke, "but I don't know if I can."

"What are you talking about? Are you breaking up with me?" I asked as my eyes filled with tears.

He didn't look me in the eyes, "I don't know what's up with me. I wanna be alone right now though, Bella. I'll call you later, promise."

What the fuck?

I didn't even _do_ anything this time. At all. I went right along with everything he said today. I really didn't give a shit about Edward and Alice. I was with him, not Edward and yet I'm still getting bitched at.

Fine. Whatever.

He grabbed my hand as I stood up from the bed, but then changed his mind and dropped it.

I collected my things, not even bothering to try to kiss him goodbye as I slammed his bedroom door shut and ran down the steps and out to my truck.

I cried the whole way home.

This couldn't be all about Edward.

There had to be something else going on.

Sighing, I pulled into my driveway. I sat in the cab of my truck for a few minutes, with my head on the steering wheel, when I was startled by a knock on the window.

"Bells? You okay?"

I looked up to my dad, eyes red from crying, and said, "I'm fine, Dad. You leaving?"

He looked concerned, nodding his head, "You going to be okay? Should I call Esme? I'm sure she'd come over and talk with you."

My voice cracked, "No, I'm fine. She's with Carlisle in Seattle anyway. I just had a little disagreement with Jasper. Our first one really."

Charlie shifted uncomfortably, clearly uneasy with the relationship talk, and said, "Well, I'll be home around midnight, if you're still upset and awake, we can talk then...if you, uh, need to."

I smiled, despite my mood, "Thanks, Dad. I'll be fine. Be careful at work. I'll see you later."

He grumbled his goodbye before hopping in his cruiser.

I practically kicked open my front door, flinging my bag on the table by the door, before trudging into the kitchen. I flung open the freezer door to see if I'd be able drown my sorrows in a tub of rocky road, but of course there wasn't any in there.

Slamming the freezer shut, I went over to the phone and called Rosalie to see if she had talked to Jasper and had any idea what was wrong with him. Or at the very least to see if she wanted to get fall-down drunk with me.

She didn't answer because she was probably busy making out with Emmett or planning the color scheme for her fairytale wedding because God knows her and Emmett will be married one day with four kids and a white picket fence and all that other bullshit that I'll never have.

Bitter, party of one?

I decided to zone out and watch mindless television on the couch in the living room. Lying down, I grabbed the remote and put on an old 'I Love Lucy' episode. Oh, Lucy, how I love you.

I must have fallen asleep for a few hours because the next thing I knew I was being shook awake by Edward and the clock near the televison read one in the afternoon.

"Good God, I just walked right in here, Bella! The door wasn't even locked. Charlie would not be happy with that, you know."

I sat up rubbing my eyes, yawning as I said, "Blah, blah, blah. I wish someone would have come in and killed me."

He rolled his eyes, "Drama queen."

I stretched my arms over my head, "What are you doing here anyway?"

He raised his backpack up in the air as he said, "I saw that you were home and I thought since we hadn't worked on the project yesterday that we could tonight, if you don't have plans with _loverboy_ that is."

I mumbled, "That's definitely not the case."

He got all the necessary books and papers out of his bag before turning to me, "Uh-oh, trouble in paradise?"

He took out his laptop next, not really paying attention to the fact that I was depressed.

I sighed, "I don't know. We'll see, I guess."

To say that I slacked on the project would be an understatement. Edward pretty much did everything while I sat and moped. I didn't even have the energy nor did I care to ask him about the whole Alice situation. I was far too concerned with the future of mine and Jasper's relationship.

If we even had one anymore. I wiped away the tears that were starting to well up in my eyes before Edward could look up and see me.

Edward finished typing something and looked up with pride, "So, all that's left to do is interviews. The scientific report is typed up and the charts are done. Now we just have to type up the interview section to compare to the studies in the report and we're done."

I twirled my finger in the air, "Yippee."

"Alright, Ms. Doom and Gloom, what the hell is wrong with you?"

I put my head on the arm of the couch, absentmindedly playing with a tear in the old fabric, "When did things get so complicated?"

He threw his head back so that it rested on the back of the couch, feet resting on the coffee table, and looked up at the ceiling, "I'd say somewhere between our mutual mommy issues and you growing boobs."

I chuckled humorlessly, "That's what Jasper said."

"What?"

"I asked him the same question about mine and your friendship and he said it was probably when I got boobs that things became complicated between us."

Edward nodded, "Life really blows sometimes, doesn't it?"

I agreed, growling weakly, "That it does. Makes me want to drown my worries in vodka and ice cream but Rosalie won't answer her stupid phone."

"Well, I'm not one to mix my liquor with dairy like your weird ass, but I do have an abundance of vodka at my house, if you're game." He said the last part in an almost challenging tone.

I thought about it for a minute, "Let me see something real quick."

I walked over to my bag pulling out my cell phone, noticing I had zero missed calls which made me feel even shittier. I dialed Jasper's number. He picked up quickly, "Bella?"

I heard noise in the background but couldn't quite place where he might be, "Jasper, I don't know what's going on, please talk to me."

It was quiet for a little while, before he said, "I'm just thinking about things today, Bella. I got a lot on my mind and I just need some time to myself. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore." And then he rushed out, "I'll see you tomorrow at school and we'll talk."

"But...," before I could get anything else out, he hung up.

Well.

That was rude.

What the hell crawled up his ass? He never acted like this to me.

Throwing my phone back in my bag, I decided if he wanted to be a jerk to me, I'm going to get sloshed.

I called out, "Edward? Let's go to your house! I need to be drunk, ASAP."

----

**EPOV**

Did she really just say she wants to go to my house so we can get drunk together? I must be hallucinating. Bella Swan doesn't drink often, especially not on school nights.

Something must be really wrong.

I shouldn't let her do this.

But, hey, who am I to go against her wishes? She always gets what she wants from me.

At least now that I'm hopelessly in love with her.

"Let's go!" I yelled enthusiastically, pumping my fist in the air.

On the walk over to my house, I noticed that Bella was somber and I desperately wanted to make her feel better. And that's what I planned on doing.

Bella led the way up my staircase and I couldn't help but admire the view.

I told her to go ahead down to my room while I grabbed a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses from Carlisle's magic cabinet of fun. I swear the cabinet replenishes itself on its own.

I love it dearly. Seriously, that cabinet has pulled me through some serious shit.

When I got to my room, Bella was sitting on my computer chair, twirling herself around and around.

"You better not do that once you start drinking. Your weak ass stomach won't be able to take it," I warned her throwing her my crooked smile.

"Just pour the shot and shut the fuck up, Cullen."

Rawr, down kitty.

"Yes, ma'am," I saluted her before twisting the cap on the bottle. I loved the sound it made. I poured her a shot before grabbing a can of Coke I had in my mini-fridge and handing it to her so she could use it as a chaser.

She grabbed the shot greedily, before I even had a chance to pour one for myself and downed it with ease. She didn't even use the soda. She just wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and slammed the shot glass down again.

"More."

"Um, can I drink mine first?"

She shrugged her shoulders indifferently, "Whatever."

I tilted my head and threw my shot back, opting to use the chaser so I didn't puke everywhere.

I can down tequila with nothing to chase it with until the cows come home, but vodka, fuck, that shit was nasty.

She glared at me, trying to look intimidating, I think, but in all reality looking just amazingly sexy, "Just so you know, I'm not making out with you, Cullen. Jasper and I are still together...at least I think we are."

I choked on the soda I was drinking, "You think?"

She shrugged, tears welling up her in eyes suddenly, "I don't even know what I did, Edward! He just spazzed out this morning and then just now when I called him he was so short with me. He even hung up on me!"

Pouring her another shot, I urged her to continue, "What happened?"

She threw back the clear liquid like a champ, wincing, "I don't know...we were," she hesitated but I insisted she go on, "kissing in his room and all of a sudden he just pulled away and started accusing me of thinking of you and telling me if he wouldn't have told you that I was hanging out with him this morning that I would have driven you home."

She hiccuped and took a sip of the soda then, frowning, "And I wouldn't have. I like Jasper. A lot. I like hanging out with him. He makes me laugh and he takes me do awesome things. And I asked him if we were breaking up and he wouldn't give me a clear answer. He just said he'd see me at school tomorrow."

Bella started to cry then and it broke my heart.

I pulled her off the chair and into a hug, "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't mean to cause you any trouble."

She pulled away walking to the window and crossing her arms, "That's just the thing! It wasn't anything you did directly. It's his insecurity about our friendship."

"Well, it's kind of valid, Bell. I mean we are unusually close for members of the opposite sex."

She wiped at her eyes angrily, "Yeah, whatever. It shouldn't matter. Would you have given up our friendship if Tanya had asked you to?"

"Well, no, never, but maybe we could cool off with hanging out for just a little while. I mean we can finish the project via email, right?"

She turned around then, pointing a finger in my chest, "Are you ditching me now, too, Edward?"

I shook my head quickly, "No, no. I couldn't ever. I'm just saying if you think that's his problem, then I'll back off."

She wiped at her eyes again, "I don't even know if he wants me anymore."

I poured myself another shot, guzzeling it quickly, "He'd have to be an idiot not to want you."

She snorted, "Right. I'm oh so desirable."

I took her over another drink, watching as she tossed it back easily, "Trust me. You are."

There was a sudden electricity that zapped between us when our fingers touched as she handed me the shot glass back. But as fast as it had come it was gone just as quickly as we pulled away from each other.

I sat on my bed and she sat on the armchair on the other side of the room.

She looked at me and even from across the room I could see her big doe eyes watering up again, "What should I do?"

I had no idea what to tell her. A part of me wanted to tell her to drop him like a bad habit and kiss me. Another larger part of me wanted to stop her from crying. And I knew right now the only thing that could make her stop was for her to make up with Jasper, not have me mauling her, yet again.

"The only thing you really can do is wait for him to talk to you tomorrow, right?" I poured yet another shot, crossing the room to hand it to her, taking precautions to make sure our fingers didn't touch again, "So in the mean time drink up, Bellabean."

She smiled, surprising me by flinging herself into my arms, apparently starting to feel the effects of pounding back the shots, "I've missed this version of you, Edward. The one that gives me advice and doesn't act like such a pompous jerk. I knew you were still in there somewhere, Eddiebear."

I held her tighter, not even really caring that she sort of insulted me and used my stupid nickname that only she ever called me before all this puberty shit went down and sniffed her hair like a weirdo.

"I'll always be this way for you if that's what you need me to be, Bell. I...," my drunk ass wanted to say I love you so bad but I stopped myself and just squeezed her tighter.

She pulled back after a while, "Want me to make you some dinner at my house? I'm starving and I don't want to eat alone. Charlie shouldn't be back until late. Big surprise."

I snorted, still holding her arms, "Is the Pope Catholic?"

She did this little laugh that was so fucking cute I almost smooshed her face to mine.

Almost.

The drunker I became, the more I wanted to do just that, so I knew dinner was a good idea. Maybe it'll soak up some of the alcohol.

I grabbed the vodka bottle as we walked out of my room, just in case she wanted to drink more later, and towards the stairs.

And drunk Bella made herself very known as we hit that first step.

If Bella's clumsy when she's sober, she's downright _helplessly_ graceless when she's drunk. Luckily Carlisle and Esme weren't home yet or they'd know right away that Bella was tanked.

I had to practically carry her down the steps, along with the bottle of liquor and, my God, it was no easy accomplishment. She was flailing her arms around, almost knocking off the pictures of Emmett and I that hung on the walls going down the stairs.

And all I could do was laugh as she did. We had almost made it to the last step when Bella twisted herself around me so that I lost my balance, which doesn't happen often.

We went tumbling to the floor and landed in a bit of a sticky position. I had tried to make it so I took the brunt of the fall landing on the hard ass marble floor first, but in doing so Bella landed directly on top of me and we lay there face to face. We stayed there for a little while breathing on each other, neither of us trying to get up right away.

Sheepishly, Bella looked down eventually and then back up at me through her lashes, looking like a fucking goddess, "Oops."

Oops? She lands directly on top of my tipsy ass, smashing her perfect breasts on my chest, and all she can say is 'Oops'?

It took every ounce of strength in my body to not kiss her silly right there in my foyer. But I knew that if we didn't get up soon Bella was going to feel just how attracted to her I really was. And I didn't want that right now. We were having too good of a day.

Shamelessly letting her lie against my erection wasn't what my Bella needed.

Oh well, will you look at that? I'm back to calling her my Bella.

Fabulous.

I started to gently push myself up and Bella scrambled to stand, "I'm really sorry, Edward."

I laughed, rubbing my backside dramatically, "Eh, the marble broke my fall."

"Oh my God, look at that red mark on your neck!" She slurred, managing to still be sexy as all hell.

She ran her fingers over my neck which sent shivers down my spine.

I playfully swatted her hand away, "I'm fine. Let's go eat. I'm hungry, woman."

She grabbed my hand and dragged me out the door, "Aye, aye, captain!"

We stumbled over to her house where even though she was completely drunk, she took three more shots as she cooked a delicious dinner that would make Bobby Flay proud.

After dinner, we went to the living room to watch T.V. and I asked, "How is that when you're drunk you can manage your way around a kitchen without so much as a tiny burn but sober you trip over your own two feet?"

She giggled, shrugging her shoulders, as we sat on the couch watching a rerun of Friends, which she swears up and down is the funniest show on Earth.

"I love how they're all friends like that...it kind of reminds me of all of us," she said as she placed her head on my shoulder.

I kissed the top of her head because I couldn't help it and I had pretty much finished off the vodka after dinner, making me feel all warm and fuzzy, "Yeah...but which Friend would I be?" I asked curiously.

She thought about this for awhile, sitting up excitedly, "Definitely Ross."

"What? Shit, come on, Bell. If I'm _anyone_ on that show I'm Joey Tribiani. I mean Esme's from Italy for crying out loud, plus I'm definitely good with the ladies," I argued, as I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Pshhhh, don't I know it. Too damn sexy for your own good," she muttered drunkenly.

I quirked an eyebrow at her, deciding to mess with her, giving her my best Joey impression, "How you doin'?"

She shoved me and apparently I was a lot drunker than I had thought I was because soon I was on the floor and she was doubled over, laughing on the couch.

"You think that's funny?" I prepared to launch myself at her but before I could my cell phone rang.

Who the hell could be calling me now?

"I bet that's one of your lady friends now," Bella snorted, voice full of venom.

I flipped her off playfully.

I looked at the caller I.D. and didn't recognize the number, answering cautiously, "Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Uh, yeah. Who's this?"

"Hey. It's Alice. Uh, Alice Brandon. You know from the party."

Crap.

I walked out of the room so Bella couldn't hear the conversation, "Yeah, how are you?"

"Um, I'm okay."

"You don't sound okay."

I had completely forgotten that I had given Alice my phone number this morning. I had explained to her before she left Rose's house this morning that it wasn't anything against her, but that last night was a mistake. A mistake because I was hopelessly in love with someone else. Someone I could never, ever have.

Surprisingly, she had agreed saying that she, too, was looking for a way to forget feelings she had for someone. She had said they were feelings that scared her and she wasn't sure how to deal with them.

She began talking quickly, "Uh, that's actually why I'm calling. I'm really...confused. And I know that you probably weren't expecting me to call but I have a bit of a predicament and I think that you are the only one that I can talk to about it."

"I'm not sure I follow you."

"I'd rather talk about it in person. Is there any way we can meet tomorrow? You could come down to my dad's rock climbing place."

I thought about it for a minute. It's not like it could hurt to have another friend. I'm sure Jasper and Bella would be back to normal tomorrow so it would be nice to have someone to hang out with that wasn't a part of a couple. Alice was a cool girl. Not someone I'd want to date, but cool nonetheless.

"Yeah, sure. I'll give you a call tomorrow after school. Is that okay?"

It sounded like she breathed a sigh of relief, "Thanks, Edward."

"No problem. See you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone, slipping it back in my pocket as I walked back to the living room. Just like I'd found her this morning, Bella was passed out on the couch. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyebrows were furrowed a bit.

She looked adorable. God, when did I turn into such a girl?

If Charlie found her like this, he wouldn't think it was cute. She reeked of alcohol and I knew I had to get her upstairs and to her room before he got home. He wouldn't bother going in there as long as he saw her truck was in the driveway and her bedroom door was shut.

I leaned down to pick her up, newlywed style, and carried her ass up the steps to her room. It probably would have been a lot easier if I wasn't so thoroughly wasted. But, I was so it took me a few tries to make it all the way up. I gently put her on her bed draping the quilt Esme made her for Christmas over her sleeping form.

I placed a kiss on her forehead and was about to pull away to go home but she stirred then, grabbing on to the collar of my hoodie, and crushing her lips to mine. At first I didn't react but then I realized, 'Holy shit, Bella's kissing me on her own' and I started to kiss back. Before I got too into the kiss though, she had pulled away, resting her head back on her pillow.

Bella sighed contentedly, "Jasper."

And with that one whispered word, my already fragile heart broke a little more.

----

Waking up for school the next morning proved to be troublesome. I had a raging hangover the size of Texas, _fucking Texas_, and I knew that the kiss that Bella had initiated with me was all because she drunkenly mistook me for Jasper.

As if we could ever be confused for the other.

Psh, the saying is 'tall, dark, and handsome' not lanky, blond, and hillbilly.

All of our first class, Jasper gave me dirty ass looks and I wanted to punch him but I didn't.

I was walking out of my second class of the day when I noticed Fuckface himself was waiting right outside the door for me, leaning up against the wall. As I walked by he stopped me, "Edward. Just the fella I was lookin' for."

I rolled my eyes, "Why were you looking for me?"

He pushed off the wall, "Where's Bella?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "How the hell should I know? You're her boyfriend. Oh that's right, you're bored with her already. That's why she spent all of yesterday crying about you."

He shoved me against a locker, "Listen, Eddie, I'm in no fucking mood for your snide little comments. Where's my girlfriend?"

I shoved him back, "I already told you, Jazzy, I don't know where she is."

"Why don't I believe that? You practically track her every move. So again, why isn't she in school?"

"I didn't know she wasn't in school. When I talked to her yesterday she didn't mention not coming to school today."

Jasper's eyebrows shot up, "I should have known you'd swoop in and talk to her when she was all upset and vulnerable. That's just how you like 'em, isn't it?"

I got in his face more, "Why the hell wouldn't I talk to her? She's my best friend. Has been since way before you ever came around, buddy. And I would never do that to, Bella."

"Right, tell me something, Edward. Did you guys hang out yesterday?"

"Come off it, man. We hung out to finish our project that was it."

He scoffed, "I'll bet that's all you did. You know what? Fuck it. Just watch your back, Cullen."

"Or what, Hale?"

Emmett must have seen the confrontation from down the hall because suddenly he was between us, "Hey, hey. What in shit's sake is going on with you two?"

Jasper pointed at me, "Your asshole brother is trying to worm his way into _my_ girlfriend's pants just like he wormed his way into Alice's."

I looked at him with confusion, "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't play fucking stupid. You are and you know it."

"Have you been toking up before class, hillbilly? I have no clue what you're talking about."

He walked away from me then, heading right out the door with the green 'exit' sign overtop of it.

Emmett sighed then, "What the hell did you manage to do, _now_?"

"I didn't do shit this time. He came looking for me."

"For?"

"You heard his crazy ass, he thinks I want Bella."

Emmett looked at me, "And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?"

"Come on, bro, I've told you since before Jasper was even her boyfriend that you wanted her. But, she's happy with Jasper. Like really happy. Let her be happy. She deserves it."

"Yeah, well, we'll see."

----

**BPOV**

OWWW.

My brain hurts.

How much did I drink last night?

Holy shit.

School.

Wow, I'm already super late. I laid my head back down on the pillow so the room would stop spinning.

Maybe I should get a shower. It might make me feel better.

Stumbling out of bed, I grabbed a towel and a change of clothes and headed for the bathroom. A couple minutes later, freshly bathed and feeling much better, I contemplated attempting to go to school. Why didn't Charlie wake me up before he left?

I walked downstairs to get some juice to find a note from him that said he knew I had a rough day yesterday and he didn't mind if I stayed home. God bless him.

I poured a glass of orange juice and gulped it down greedily. I will never drink like that again. No matter how upset I get. I think I drank my weight in vodka and it didn't solve anything. I can't really remember anything past dinner. I don't even remember how I got into my bed.

Oh well.

Sighing, I put my glass in the sink and tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do until school got out and I could talk to Jasper.

Apparently, I wouldn't have to wait because there was a knock on the door and there stood Jasper in all his glory.

"Jazz! Hey...what are you doing here?"

He shuffled his feet, "I was worried when you weren't in school. Are you okay?"

My eyes started to well up with tears involuntarily, "I'm alright. Just wasn't feeling well."

"Can I come in?"

I moved to the side so he could step in and I couldn't help but feel nervous. Was he going to break up with me? Were we going to be over before we ever really started?

We went and sat in the living room. For a minute no one said anything but then we both turned to each other and blurted out, "I'm sorry" at the same time.

Tears fell freely from my face then.

Jasper looked confused, "What are you sorry for?"

"Making you mad, making you think that I'm not one hundred percent into our relationship because I am, Jasper. I am."

He shook his head, smiling, "You have nothing to be sorry for. I over-reacted big time yesterday. That was all me."

"Well, I'm still sorry."

He motioned for me to scoot closer to him on the couch, "I'm so sorry for treating you that way, Bella. I had no right and it won't happen again. I just had a momentary lapse in judgment and it's all over now. I can handle anything that comes with being your boyfriend, because like I told you from the beginning, you're worth it."

I didn't say anything after that because I attacked him right there on the couch with kisses. Before long we were in full-fledged make out mode right there in my living room and I couldn't have been happier.

Jasper and I spent all day just being with each other. Without the worry of school, Edward, anything. It was great. Around three he had to leave, but he told me he'd call me later tonight and kissed me.

After he left, I skipped around the house, cleaning and dancing. I'm sure Charlie would be hungry when he got home so I started up dinner, making all of his favorite foods.

Charlie was so happy to see me in a good mood when he got home, I thought his face was going to hurt tomorrow from smiling so much.

"It's good to see you happy again, Bells."

"It feels good to be happy again."

We ate our meal and I decided to get another shower before working on the homework I neglected to do in my drunken haze the night before.

Thinking about that night, I realized that Edward hadn't called me all day. That's weird. Maybe he saw Jazz's car in my driveway when he got home from school and thought better of it.

Either way, I wasn't about to let that spoil my mood. I'd talk to Edward tomorrow, I'm sure.

Charlie called up the steps to me when I opened the bathroom door, "The phone rang while you were in the shower, there's a message on the answering machine for you."

Ugh, Charlie and his not answering the phone when I'm here crap. I walked to my room, looking at my cell phone before checking the machine.

Three missed calls from Edward?

That's weird.

I walked downstairs to listen to the message. For some reason I became really nervous. Swallowing the lump in my throat I pushed the 'play' button.

"Bell, it's Edward. Listen, I have something really important to talk to you about so...I guess call me when you get this. Or come over, I don't know. It's important, uh...well, it's about Jasper."

----


	14. Chapter 14

**Everyone still around? I'm so sorry this took so long. I really hope it was worth the wait for you guys. Let me know okay? I _love, _love, _LOVE_ to hear from you. As a matter of fact the more I hear from you, the faster I usually write! Yes, I'm totally resorting to bribery at this point and I'm not ashamed. Haha. **

**Much love to my unbelievably sweet and effin awesome reviewers: kairikh2, candyquakenbush, lyndons angel of light, PsychWardSiren, kismit1496, AllyR (your 'ruh-roh' cracked me up.), bitemenow (awesome name), i-heart-music-is-life (I adore you! Thank you so much for all your kind words!), dreamngo4it9, EdwardxBellaxLover (even though you probably won't read this, I hope you stick with the story!)**

**Special thanks to my girls Maiya and Adriana for always talking to me and making me feel better about everything! Plus Maiya has kick ass taste in music and one of these days I will link it all to my profile. Go and read both of their stories on Maiya9182's profile.**

**Much love to my loverface AmeryMarie who has one of the best stories out there right now: Bad Habit...God I love me some Badward. If you aren't reading it....READ IT! You will NOT be disappointed. I heart you bia. Truth.**

**Annnnnnd finally...I'm going to say it. 24 effin days until New Moon is in theaters. HELL YEAH!!**

**Disclaimer and end to this long ass a/n: All belongs to Stephenie Meyer.**

**----**

**EPOV**

After the Jasper confrontation, school dragged on and on. All I could think about was the fact that both Bella and now that asshole weren't in school. I knew as soon as he walked out that door where he was going.

To _her_.

To my Bella.

Fuck.

He was leaving to go and make it all better with her and she wouldn't even remember that I took care of her last night. She wouldn't remember that I carried her to her room so Charlie wouldn't know she got drunk or that she kissed me even if she was thinking of him.

The completely pathetic thing is that up until the second she whispered his name, that kiss was the greatest moment of my life. It was the first time we had kissed on her terms. And I couldn't get the image out of my head no matter how hard I tried.

But today it was back to reality and back to the complete and total joke that is my life.

The bell finally rang and I was dismissed from high school hell. When I got in my car, I realized not even Debussy could calm me down. I knew I was going to pull into my driveway and look over to see his stupid truck in Bella's driveway.

So, in keeping with the murderous rage that was flowing through my blood, I put on some screamo bullshit that Emmett lifts weights to and floored it home, weaving through traffic all the way.

Just as I suspected, Jasper was at Bella's groveling I'm sure, and I'm equally as sure she was eating it all up.

I wanted to get drunk.

Before retreating to my room and my ever faithful bottle of Cuervo, I remembered that I needed to call Alice and see when she wanted me to come down and talk. I was kind of grateful that at least I'd have her company to keep my mind off of Jasper and Bella's reunion tour.

I scrolled to her name in my phone contacts, shaking my head in disbelief at just how many girls I knew with names that started with the letter 'A'.

Alice picked up after a couple of rings, telling me to hold on because the phone to her dad's rock climbing place was ringing and she was the only one working to answer.

As I sat there, tapping my fingers on the dashboard impatiently, I saw Jasper come out of Bella's house and stand on the porch. After a minute I saw him come down the steps talking on his cell phone.

I wanted to smash his face in for that shit he pulled at school today. No one gets away with talking to me like that. Especially not asshole hicks that are dating my girl, but I knew that if he's been here with Bella all day, that everything must be alright between them and she would must definitely gut-check me if I did.

I watched as he hopped in his stupid F150 truck, talking on the phone all the while and zoomed out of the neighborhood.

Good riddance, asshole.

Finally, after a fucking eternity, Alice got back on the line.

"Are you still there, Edward?"

I huffed, "Yeah, but I just used up all my anytime minutes waiting on your ass."

She giggled, sighing dramatically, "Oh, please, you're a spoiled little rich kid. You don't give a shit about cell phone minutes."

"Yeah, yeah. So what's up? Why did you need to talk to me so bad?"

I heard her sigh again, this time it sounded real, "It's just...so complicated. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this."

"How about stop being so vague and give me some damn details?" I knew I was being short but Alice and I were like this Saturday night. We bickered back and forth talking about lyrics and bands. It was fun. She was tiny but she was a firecracker.

She laughed again, "My, my, you are an impatient dick sometimes, huh?"

"Ha...you have no idea."

"Well, I called because I think that you and I have more in common then we originally thought. And I need advice since you seem to be coping so well with your feelings. You know, with the girl you're in love with?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Coping? I got hammered at a party, thrown by said love's boyfriend no less, and had a one night stand with a stranger...uh, no offense to you. But, I wouldn't call that coping."

"Aha! I knew it was Bella you were talking about! I could see in your eyes how you looked at her when Jasper wrapped his arms around her waist."

Fuck.

"Listen, shorty, I thought we were talking about your feelings here. Christ, what's with the third degree?"

She giggled again, that evil little minx, "I do want to talk about my feelings, I just had a feeling it was her and was happy you confirmed it."

"Well I'm glad my misery is so funny to you. You don't sound that upset anymore so I think you're good to go. Talk to you later."

"Wait! Ugh, you are a real pain in the ass you know that?"

I sighed, "So I've been told."

"Even so, I still wanna hang out. Can you come down to my dad's place soon?"

I got out of the car finally, slamming the door shut, "Yeah, sure. I'm going to hop in the shower and grab something to eat and then I'll be down, okay?"

"Okay, well I'll be here until nine. See you later, Edward."

"Yep, see you soon, shorty."

I went into the house, peeling my shirt off as I headed up the steps. I figured a quick shower and something to eat would make me feel less like ass from my drink-a-thon last night.

I laid on my bed for a minute after my shower and sandwich, trying to wish away the monster headache that was currently raging throughout my dome. It wasn't working. I still felt queasy and the light seeping through the black curtains over my windows wasn't helping. I threw the blanket over my face to block everything out and fell asleep quickly.

I woke up to the sound of the front door slamming. Emmett never could just shut the door like a normal human being. Cursing myself for falling asleep, I looked over at the clock to see I had slept until six which meant I needed to get my ass out of the house and to see Alice before she left for the night.

I ran into Emmett on the way down the stairs and he told me that Carlisle and Esme wanted to talk to me. I knew I'd never get out the front door without talking to them so I tried calling Alice to tell her I'd be there as soon as possible. She didn't answer so I figured I'd call her when I was leaving.

My parents had called me in to ask how Bella was lately. Apparently Charlie called Esme this morning before work to tell her that Bella was having a rough day yesterday and asked if she could check on her throughout the day today as she wasn't going to school.

Esme tried calling her a couple times but Bella never answered which made sense seeing as fucking Jasper was with her all day doing God knows what.

I shuddered at the thought before shrugging my shoulders at my parents, "Bella and Jasper had a fight yesterday. She didn't wanna go to school. But it looks like they made up already so tell Charlie to stop worrying."

I didn't want to tell my parents that Jasper was there during school because that would be information that would surely get back to Charlie and would earn me a junk punch from Bella for getting her grounded. Charlie wouldn't be okay with Bella staying home from school all day to hang out with her boyfriend.

After my parents felt they pumped me for enough information, I sped out the door and into my car to get to Alice's. I knew it was like an hour drive from here and it was already inching closer to seven. I had to get there before she closed up for the night. I tried to call her another time but she didn't answer again. I prayed I wasn't wasting my damn time driving all the way down there to have her not be there. I still wasn't exactly sure why her ass didn't want to talk about this over the phone.

It seemed like a god damn year before I pulled into the almost empty parking lot of her dad's rock climbing place. The building was gigantic.

Psh and she had the nerve to call me a spoiled little rich kid?

I got out of the Volvo and locked up, looking around the parking lot. There was no one here, just one lone car I couldn't really see in a far off part of the parking lot and Alice's car near the front of the building. I hurried my ass in because it was getting darker and therefore colder.

I jogged to the front door noticing that the closing time said eight p.m. Good, no one should be here then. I was curious as to what the hell she needed to talk to me about and I was far too impatient to wait for customers to leave before finding out.

As I opened the door, I was accosted by a warm gush of air and I shivered from the change in temperature my body went through. I looked around the front desk for Alice and couldn't find her.

I called out her name, "Alice? Hey, are you in here?"

I still didn't see anything so I walked a little farther, past the front desk and a couple of rock walls, "Alice? It's Edward."

I walked into a dimly lit hallway in the back, figuring if they were closed, that she was probably there taking care of paperwork or whatever the hell you take care of when you work at a rock climbing place.

I saw a door at the end of the hallway was ajar so I walked back trying to make a little bit of noise so I didn't scare the shit out of her when I walked in.

Pushing the door open, I laughed. If she was upset when she talked to me, she certainly didn't look upset now. Alice had her tiny ass legs wrapped around a tall guy, her dainty little fingers gripping his curly blond hair while they kissed. I felt like a creep just standing there watching but I didn't come all this damn way to turn around so I cleared my throat to let them both know I was there.

Alice's eyes popped open as she jumped out of the guys arms. The guy turned around quickly and I just about fucking died right there.

"Jasper?! What the _fuck_ are you doing here. And kissing her?"

He looked so guilty, "Listen, man, it's not what it fucking looks like so just chill a minute."

Chill? This motherfucker wants me to chill? He has the nerve to ask me to calm down when he's cheating on my best friend?

I practically growled, "Tell me why I shouldn't break your fucking neck right here."

"Because it was a mistake." Alice's eyes teared up and Jasper continued, "I was all upset yesterday about you and Bella. I came here to rock climb and I also wanted to make sure Alice was okay from everything that happened between the two of you and then today..."

I didn't let him finish because I didn't give a shit what he had to say. I yelled, "You're a fucking hypocrite! You talk about me hurting Bella? You're her boyfriend and just look what the hell you're doing to her!"

I shoved him hard. He stumbled into a desk next to him but straightened up quickly to face me.

Alice looked frightened and I felt bad that she was going to see Jasper get his face smashed in, but not bad enough that I wasn't going to do it. Every bit of anger I ever had towards him was about to be unleashed and it was not going to be pretty.

Jasper looked to the ground and quietly said, "I didn't mean for this to happen. I just came here to talk."

I watched as Alice finally let her tears fall. She shifted from foot to foot, looking down at the ground.

I yelled angrily, "Well it did happen. And now I have to fucking tell my best friend that her boyfriend is cheating on her!"

He grabbed me by the collar, with a crazed look in his eyes, "You're not telling Bella anything!"

I heard Alice let out a small whimper but she stayed glued to her spot by the desk.

Before he even knew what was coming I cracked that fucker right in his face with my fist. He stumbled backwards a bit and I have to give it to him, he didn't fall.

He yelled loudly, while grabbing his nose, "Damnit, Edward! Let me fucking explain. _Shit_."

Alice rushed over to check his face but Jasper stepped away from her carefully to face me again.

I felt even more enraged.

"There isn't shit to explain, bitch. If you think I'm keeping this from Bella you're sadly mistaken," I sneered as I shoved him again for good measure.

I turned around quickly, pulling out my phone as I walked. I had every intention of telling Bella as soon as I could. I shoved open the front door of the building with my foot, looking at my phone as I continued on to my car.

I dialed Bella's cell but she didn't answer, so I hung up and pushed re-dial. Hell, I'd call until she answered. I had always been that way with her.

After the third try, I decided to call her house to see if maybe she was just away from her cell phone or something. No one answered so I left her a message, "Bell, it's Edward. Listen, I have something really important to talk to you about so...I guess call me when you get this. Or come over, I don't know. It's important, uh...well, it's about Jasper."

As I threw my phone back in my pocket, I fumbled around looking for my keys. I finally dug them out of my pants and pushed the button to unlock the Volvo.

I heard Jasper calling me from across the parking lot so I threw my middle finger up in the air behind me to show him I just didn't give a fuck about what he had to say. Before I could get in the car though, he grabbed my shoulder.

Shit, he got to me fast.

"Edward, man. Fucking listen."

"To what? Why the hell should I listen to you of people?"

"Because it was a god damn mistake like I said."

"A mistake? What you just fell on her lips or something?"

He shook his head wildly, pressing his palms into his eyes before dropping them and saying, "I don't know. I went in there to fucking rock climb yesterday when I was all pissed about you guys, like I said, and Alice was here. She talked to me, calmed me down about everything," he hesitated before going on, "I guess I thought we were just friends."

He went on, dragging a hand through his hair, "So, I came here after I hung out with Bella today and Alice was here again and we ended up talking for awhile. When I was about to leave she told me she needed to show me something and that's when she kissed me."

"Why in the hell did you come here again? If you just talked to her yesterday what could you possibly have to talk about that you couldn't talk about say, over the phone?"

He threw his hands up in the air, exasperated, "I don't know. God, when I left Bella's house today everything between us was good, you know? It really, really was but when I walked out to the porch to go to my car, I saw you sitting there in yours."

I gave him a look that clearly said 'And?'

"I don't know. It just hit me like a ton of bricks that I'll never really escape the bond you two have. I'm going away to college in the fall and she'll be here. With _you_. Alone. And it's a fucking hard pill to swallow, man. So, I tried calling Alice to talk it through with her but she was working and couldn't talk on the phone so I went to her to talk in person."

I furrowed my brows, "Doesn't it strike you as a tad hypocritical that you were here, _with Alice_, who I don't know if you noticed or not, is a _girl _by the way, because you were pissed about mine and Bella's friendship?"

"We're all hypocrites in some way, aren't we?" He said cryptically.

I glared at him, "Whatever the hell that means. Look, I don't have time for this crap. Are you going to tell Bella this happened? Because she deserves to know."

He eyed me right back, "Of _course_ I'm going to tell her."

"Good."

He nodded and I added, "If you don't, I swear to you, I will. I already left her a message saying I needed to talk to her about you. She's probably freaking out as we speak."

He sighed, looking like he just couldn't believe this was happening, "Shit."

"And you better not be pulling some shady shit, Jasper. I love that girl and I refuse to sit on the sidelines and watch you break her heart. If you like Alice or something, you need to man up and tell her."

He eyed me warily, "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black there? Why don't _you_ man up and tell Bella how you feel?"

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why the hell is he trying to turn this shit around on me? He's the asshole in this situation.

"I didn't mean it like that, fuck, I mean I love her, she's my best friend...whatever, just be good to her, damnit. She likes you--a lot." I muttered, "For the life of me I can't figure out why."

He raised his eyebrows at me, mocking me, "She likes me a lot? How the hell would you know that?"

I tugged on my hair, harder than I had intended to. Wincing and rubbing my tender scalp, I said, "Not that you deserve to hear anything good she said about you, but I know that because she spent the better part of yesterday drunk and sobbing about you."

I kicked myself once the words left my mouth, wondering if Bella had told him she got drunk with me, but not really caring all that much that I let the cat out of the bag. He was in enough trouble with her to let the fact that she drank with me slide.

"And did you spend the better part of yesterday drunk and kissing my girlfriend?" Jasper questioned menacingly.

I thought back to the quick kiss Bella gave to me, when she thought I was Jasper and laughed without humor, "Actually she told me from the get-go that she wasn't kissing me because of you. I probably _should_ have kissed her now that I think about it. It would have been more than fair seeing as you were here swapping spit with Alice."

He groaned, "Edward, damn. I didn't mean for it to happen, I told you that already."

I shrugged my shoulders at him, "Whatever, fucker. You shouldn't have been here in the first place."

He eyed me angrily, "But it's okay for you to be getting drunk with _my_ girlfriend?"

I shrugged my shoulders right back being a smartass, "Maybe, maybe not. But if you weren't here with Alice, Bella wouldn't have been with me."

Stew on that one, Jazzy.

Trying to make him feel worse I added, "She was a wreck yesterday, dude. She had no idea what she did to make you so mad at her and all she wanted from me was my advice on how to fix it with you."

Jasper blew out a breath, "Fuck."

I snorted, "Yeah. Tell me about it. You don't know how _bad_ I wanted to tell her to fucking be done with your ass for being so rude to her. And now? Now more than ever I want to tell her that her boyfriend is an asshole that doesn't deserve her. But at the same time I know it'll really hurt her and I don't want to do that to her. I hurt her enough my own damn self."

Jasper smirked sadly, "I know. Listen, I'm telling you, I'll talk to her about it. I don't know what came over me today. Everything just went to shit when I saw you."

I sneered, "No. You came to see Alice and it went to shit. Don't blame me."

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Listen, you got a hit in, don't push your luck, Cullen. I know I did something shitty. I hate that I'm just like _you_ hurting her."

That one stung a bit.

"Yeah, whatever you say. I'm done with this drama. Grow some balls and fix this shit with Bella. I think it's glaringly obvious all of your fears about us are unfounded and utter bullshit. She wants to make it work with you, not me."

He shoved his hand in his pockets, "Trust me, come hell or high water, I will be at Bella's tomorrow morning to explain everything."

My cell phone went off and I knew it was Bella calling. Looking down for confirmation even though I didn't really need it, I said to Jasper, "Well, that's Bella calling me now and she's probably freaking the hell out over you. Maybe you should call her now instead, so she knows everything is okay with you."

He sighed, searching for something in his pocket. As he pulled out his keys he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I will."

"Don't be a douche, Jasper," I warned and then added, "I mean anymore than you already are. Tell her or I fucking will. And that's a promise."

He did a weird half-smile and put his hand out to shake mine, I guess as an invitation to make amends or some shit. I laughed, probably a little too loudly, before saying, "We're not friends or anything just because I'm letting you tell her. Trust me, you fuck this up and I will make your life hell."

He shook his head, dropping his hand to his side. "Yeah well, either way, you didn't have to let me explain things to her myself. I can respect that, man. Believe me, I don't want to be your BFF either."

"Good."

"Fine."

"Great."

I rolled my eyes, as I opened my car door, done with this night of teen drama, "Peace, fucker."

I flipped him off as I turned the key to my ignition. Only the sound of my car's beautiful purring could calm me down now. I tried to ignore the incessant ring of my cell phone as I prepared to shift into drive. I watched Jasper jog away and manuever his stupid Ford truck out of the parking lot. He had his cell phone up to his ear and the sound of my phone suddenly stopped mid-ring. She must have stopped calling me to answer his call.

Maybe that asshole will stick to his word. She needed to know.

I jumped at the sound of my passenger side door opening and watched in shock as Alice's tiny body jumped into the seat next to me. She looked awful. Her jet black bangs were pushed to the side of her face messily, her eye make-up was completely smudged all over her face, and she was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Edward. I messed up. Big time." She choked out.

I swallowed the anger I had for her down, "I'd fucking say so."

She started to sob again and I felt bad. I didn't want to make her cry so I offered, "Listen, not only am I an asshole but I'm completely bias when it comes to Bella. I'm probably not the best person to talk to if you're trying to feel better about all this. My loyalty lies completely with her."

She looked to me, eyes full of tears, "Oh, I know! I get it, trust me. I know how awful of a person I am. I completely understand why you're mad at me for hurting Bella. Hell, I'm mad at me for hurting Bella."

She went on, not really caring that I didn't want to hear her reasoning, "First, I shamelessly flirt with her boyfriend, giving him my phone number while she was in the bathroom, then," a strangled choking sound came out of her mouth before going on, "...and then, I sleep with her best friend the very first night I meet him. God, and then I practically _maul_ Jasper the second he steps into my dad's office and oh my God, I'm such a bad person."

She threw her hands over her face, pressing her head up against the dashboard, continuing to cry loudly. I didn't know what to say to her but I sure as shit didn't want her getting makeup all over the dash of the Volvo. I just cleaned it, dammit. I knew it was insensitive to think that way but I'm an asshole and well, if I haven't said it enough, I love this car.

"Um, no you're not?" I said as more of a question than a statement.

She sniffed loudly, "You're not even sure. I know that I hurt Bella sleeping with you and if...when she finds out about Jasper, she'll never want to speak to me again! And I can't blame her. I never meant to hurt her, Edward. You have to believe me. I thought sleeping with you would I don't know, make her see that she's supposed to be with you or something. And then Jasper could be with me."

"How in the hell would you know that she's meant to be with me? That's ridiculous, you don't know anything about us. And really Alice? Jasper? You guys just met."

I shook my head in disbelief muttering 'ridiculous' again to no one imparticular.

She had such conviction when she said, "I know it sounds strange, but I just know these things. I can't explain it. I could see how she loved you when she was talking about you to me. I just thought maybe in some twisted way it would make her see the light if she saw you with someone else. And when Jasper came here all upset about Bella and you, I took it as me being right."

I snorted, "Well you couldn't have been more wrong. She wasn't upset about me and you. Bella's seen me with plenty of other people and it's never driven her into my arms. And I wouldn't be surprised if she just looks past this shit with Jasper and they stay together."

She let out a shaky breath, "Bella is going to hate me, isn't she?"

Yes. "Is it really that big of a deal? You don't know each other very well," I managed to get out.

She looked at me with wide eyes, "Are you joking? Bella is the first girl that I've really, truly gotten along with in a long time and I can't freaking believe I did this to her."

"Bella's pretty forgiving. I mean, _I'm_ her best friend, so that should say something. I mess up pretty much on a weekly basis with her and she always forgives me."

She snorted, "That's just it though. You're her _best _friend. Not some slut that backstabbed her."

I had to stop her there, "Alice, stop. You're not a slut."

I went on trying to joke with her to make her smile, "And actually, Bella calls me a slut all the time, so maybe that'll help your case a little."

She laughed a little through her tears, "It's socially acceptable for a guy to be a slut, but not a girl."

Alice looked at me then, eyes red from crying and I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I knew what it was like to have an unrequited crush on someone. I also knew what it felt like to be roadkill on the Bella and Jasper highway.

She exhaled loudly and said, "God, why did I have to meet him and be so instantly attracted? It was like I waited all my life to see him and now that I have there's just no replacement."

I scoffed, "Come on, Alice. You don't know him. I've known him for a little while now and really he's just a pretentious prick."

"Yeah well, all that aside, I know my heart, Edward. And my heart wants Jasper."

As much as I didn't want to because of what she did to Bella, I liked Alice and I couldn't let her go on thinking that there was a chance for her and Jasper. With a bit of bitterness in my voice I told her, "Unfortunately for both of us though, his heart wants Bella. And, fuck me, but Bella wants him, too."

I put my forehead on the steering wheel now, feeling like Alice all of a sudden. Bella was going to drive me mental by the end of this year. And honestly, it's not her fault. It's all on me. I messed with her emotions too much and it put her right into the arms of some dumbass.

Alice sighed, "We're quite a pair, huh?"

I lifted my head up realizing just how fucked my life was. Alice was probably the only one that knew exactly how I felt right now. I knew I should be mad at her, but a part of me knew that I would probably do the same thing she did. I wouldn't care about hurting anyone else if it meant I got Bella in the end.

And that was a scary thought.

"You said it, shorty."

----

**BPOV**

Edward wouldn't answer his phone and I wanted to throw mine across the room I was so frustrated. How could he call me and leave me that damn message and then not answer his phone when I was calling him back?

Every possible thing he could tell me about Jasper was swirling through my head. Was Jasper okay? Did Carlisle have him there in the hospital or something? Did they get into a fight? I swore to myself that if Edward took a swing at him, I was going to explode into a fit of rage when I saw him next.

I dialed Edward's number again, but it only rang a few times before my phone beeped and the call waiting showed that Jasper was calling.

Thank God, maybe now I'll get some answers.

I pushed the answer button hesitantly, praying that everything was alright. "Jazz? Are you okay?"

He answered me in a quiet voice that soothed me, "Hey, Bella. Yeah, I'm fine, why darlin'?"

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Nothing. It's not important, what's up?"

"Nothing, um, are you busy in like a half an hour or so?"

"It's kind of late to come in and hang out, but I can come talk to you on the porch if you want."

"Yeah, I'll call you when I get there, okay?"

We got off the phone quickly and I started pacing my room wondering why in the hell Jasper would want to see me now.

Did he change his mind about everything?

Did he not want to be together anymore?

Why in the hell did Edward call?

Soon, I was sitting on the porch swing with Jasper, watching as he ran his hands through his beautiful blond hair.

I kept trying to make eye contact with him but he was looking everywhere but in my eyes. Eventually I got impatient and asked, "Jasper, what's going on? You're kind of freaking me out."

He looked me in the eyes finally and blurted out, "Alice and I kissed."

My eyes widened with shock and I think my eyebrows touched my hairline as I stammered out, "Wh-what are you...how..._what_?"

"I didn't mean for it to happen Bella, I swear. I went to her Dad's rock climbing place yesterday to try to blow off some steam because I was still so mad and she was there and she just, I don't know. She listened to everything I had to say, you know, and she just acted like a really good friend to me. And she really understood."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. I asked bitterly, "So as a thank you present for her _extreme generosity_ you decided to kiss her?"

"No. Let me finish," he snapped at me.

I cut him off, "Don't you snap at me Jasper!"

I started to get up but he grabbed my hand, softening his tone, "Come on, honey, just...just let me finish, okay?"

I sighed but sat back down, ripping my hand from his, "Whatever, go ahead."

"Anyway, we didn't kiss yesterday when I was there. We kissed today. Well really she kissed me and I just need you to understand that it didn't mean anything."

"It didn't mean anything? That doesn't make sense. Why would you drive almost an hour away two days in a row to see some girl that doesn't mean anything, Jasper?"

He looked at me then like I should understand exactly why he did such a thing and it only made me angrier. I stood up again this time not letting him pull me back down. I started towards the door but he stepped in front of me before I could reach the doorknob.

"Alice was helping me through this like Edward helps you through things." The way he said it almost made it seem as though he had every right to hang out with a girl who so obviously had feelings for him because my best friend was a guy.

"So you're justifying cheating on me by throwing my friendship with Edward in my face? Classy, Jasper."

He grabbed my shoulders, making me look him in the eye, "No, it's all coming out wrong. I'm saying that yesterday I honestly went to rock climb. It was just a coincidence that she happened to be working and that we ended up talking about everything. And then today I called her because I was mad again but she couldn't talk on the phone because her work was busy so I decided to just drive down and see if she could help me in person again."

I looked at him incredulously, "Help you with what Jasper? We were _fine_ today. Just like we were fine the day before that. You're making up excuses to get mad at me. And I want to know why."

Then it hit me like a freight train, "Do you like Alice? Is that why you're making up all this nonsense to get mad at me for?"

"I don't even know Alice."

I bit back a sob, "You didn't answer my question, Jasper."

He exhaled loudly, "Bella, I'm telling you that I want to be with you, okay? I just...I want to make this right with you."

It wasn't lost on me that he hadn't answered my question completely yet but something he said before popped back into my mind. I furrowed my brow before asking, "You said you called her today. When did you get her phone number?"

He hesitated before saying, "She, uh, she gave it to me."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "When Jasper? When did she give it to you?"

"The day we met her," he said quietly before flopping back down on the porch swing.

I couldn't believe my ears. "The day we met her she slipped you her phone number and then you just let me invite her to your house like everything was just fine and dandy? Are you kidding me?"

He looked at me sadly, "It was innocent, Bella. She knew I was with you. She just wanted to be friends."

I laughed bitterly, "Ha, yeah...she wanted to be friends that kiss! That's what she wanted."

"Not too different from you and Edward then, huh? Now do you see how I feel? Look at your history with him, Bella! Can you blame me for being a little nervous that you'll drop me any second for him?" He sneered as he stood back up to look me directly in the eyes.

That pissed me off more than I could process. I told him all about my friendship with Edward from the beginning so he wouldn't have these feelings of insecurity. I told him so that we would have an open and honest relationship from the start. I wasn't going to allow him to knock me down for it. I wanted to smack him but instead I walked to the door and said a simple, "Goodnight Jasper."

"Bella, wait."

"No, maybe you can go call _Alice_ to get you through _this_."

I walked into the house then, slamming the door in his face before running up the steps to call Rose.

I stood by my window watching as Jasper stood by his truck pacing. He hopped into the driver's seat and sat for a minute. Finally, Rose picked up after a couple of rings, sounding like she might have been asleep, "Hello?"

I started crying when I saw Jasper pull away from my house without a backwards glance, "Rose? Jasper and I are in a huge fight and I don't know if we're going to make it through this."

"What? Bella, why? I thought everything was good." She sounded slightly panicked and I felt bad that I was going to be putting her in an awkward position with Jasper now. Once she heard what I was about to say, she was not going to be happy with her beloved brother.

"Yeah, well that was before he showed up here twenty minutes ago to tell me that him and Alice kissed tonight."

I could hear her sharp intake of breath before she hissed, "Alice? The same girl that Edward..."

"Yes, that would be the one. So, she has officially landed on my shit list now. I'm such an idiot. I should have known not to trust her. She was too nice."

Rose sighed, "I hate to say I told you so about her, Bell."

I laughed a little through my tears, "Who are you kidding? You love to say I told you so, Rosalie."

"Not to you, babygirl. I'm so sorry my brother did this to you. I'm going to hang him by his nutsack."

I laughed again and listened to her rant and rave about how she was going to make Alice's life hell, too. She was not happy that this new girl was causing such drama in our group. According to Rose she was messing with the group dynamic and wrecking her chances of having me as a sister-in-law one day. I couldn't help but laugh at her. We were in high school and she thought I was ready to be married. Only her crazy ass would even think about that.

Rosalie did a good job calming me down. I knew that she was the only one I could talk to about this because if Edward knew what went down he would rip Jasper to pieces. A sick part of me really wanted to tell Edward so that he would do just that but another part of me knew that it wasn't right.

Eventually I got off the phone with Rose after assuring her I was okay and didn't need her to come over or anything. I sighed looking around the room and decided to try calling Edward because I wanted to know what his mystery message was about.

His phone rang a few times but he finally answered and it sounded like he was in his car, "Edward? Are you in your car?"

"Hey Bell. Yeah, just went out for a bit. What's up?"

He sounded nervous and it rattled me a little. I knew Edward like the back of my hand and it was hard for him to hide what he was feeling from me. Even over the phone.

"I should be asking you that question. What was up with that weird message earlier?"

He was quiet a minute before saying, "Have you talked to Jasper tonight?"

"Yeah. What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, my voice laced with confusion.

I heard him curse a bit to himself and then he said, "And that asshole didn't have anything interesting to tell you?"

How the hell did Edward know about Jasper and I?

"If by interesting you mean him making out with Alice, then yes he did." I growled through clenched teeth.

"Good, I'm glad he told you."

Come again?

"I'm sorry. I'm lost. How in the shit did you know that?"

"I caught them, Bella."

"What the fuck do you mean you caught them?"

He sighed, "I mean I walked into Alice's dad's place and found them mid-makeout."

I screeched, "And you didn't tell me?! Why wouldn't you tell me? I'm your best friend...and I told your ass about that skank Tanya!"

He yelled back, "I _tried_ to tell you, Ms. BitchyPants. You didn't answer your fucking phone!"

I calmed down a bit, realizing I was biting his head off, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Plus, I realized that it was his place to tell you so I threatened to kick his ass if he didn't."

And this nightmare only gets worse, "So really he only told me because he got caught and you told him to?"

"Well, I don't know, Bella. That's something you have to ask his stupid ass."

"Was he into the kiss or not, Edward?"

"I walked in and they stopped. Past that, I don't really know. But according to Alice it was all her doing and it wasn't long. She feels really bad about it, Bell."

I sneered, "Good. She should feel bad about it. She's a slut."

"Come on now. You don't mean that. You stood up for her to Rose."

"That was _before_ she made a move on my boyfriend! She can shove it as far as I'm concerned. And you can too if you're going to defend her to me."

He sounded taken aback, "You know I'm not going to take her side over you, Bella. But she needs a friend and her and I have more in common then I thought..."

"Fine then, Edward! Who needs enemies when I have _friends_ like the two of you!" I screamed into the phone before hanging up and flinging it across the room.

Temper much, Bella? Sheesh.

After a minute I collected my thoughts and walked over to retrieve the phone I threw. And before I knew it, I was dialing a number I hadn't in a long time.

My mother's.

----

"Hello?" The sound of my mother's groggy voice both helped my already fragile state and hurt it all at once.

I eventually croaked out a weak, "Mom?" before bursting into tears.

"Bella, it's three in the morning where I am, what's going on?"

"My life is awful, that's what! I hate it! You're supposed to be here to help me through this stuff, Mom. But you're not! You're all the way across the country and you don't call me and you don't send me letters and I miss you, Mom. As much as I shouldn't I miss you."

"I miss you, too, baby. I do. And I know I should call more, it's just Phil is always..."

I cut her off, "I don't care what Phil is going through right now! I care that my heart is breaking and I have no one to turn to but Rosalie and as great as she is she's busy with Emmett! And Charlie certainly isn't going to tell me how to get through heartbreak because he's _still_ recovering from when you broke his!"

I knew I was being cruel but I had a lot I wanted to tell my mom and it was all just spilling out at once.

"Bella, sweetie, did you really call me to tell me how awful of a mother I've been because trust me, I already know. I miss you so much it hurts sometimes, but I just thought you were better off without me. I figured that's why you hadn't called me all this time."

"I haven't called you because the last time I talked to you you were telling me you were too busy to see me!"

She sighed and I could hear her bed squeak, so she must have gotten out of bed to talk to me. God knows she wouldn't want to wake precious Phil.

"Bella? Listen, I'm so sorry about how I've handled everything. I guess a part of me knew that Esme would be there to take care of you-"

"Mom, I love Esme with everything I have but she's not my real mom. You are and I miss you."

"What happened to make you so sad, dear?"

I told my mom _everything_, including how I was heartbroken when she left, how Edward put me back together, how I put him back together when he found out about Elizabeth. I told her about Jasper and how I felt about his betrayal and how a part of me was relieved because I knew that my heart wasn't completely in it no matter how much I tried to make myself feel it.

I hadn't even admitted as much to myself. Maybe this phone call to her was just what I needed.

I let out a shaky breath and waited for her to say something.

"Well, you've certainly had a lot on your mind haven't you, baby?"

"Yeah, you could say that."

"What does your heart tell you, Bella? Who do you see when you close your eyes?"

"I don't know how to answer that. I'm not sure."

"Tell you what, sweetie. Why don't I book you a ticket to come visit me for spring break? It might do you good to clear your head for awhile, get a fresh perspective? And then maybe you and I can patch things up as well."

I thought about it for a minute and then I said with conviction, "I would love that, Mom."

Before I got off the phone with my mom that night, she promised me she would call me the next day to get everything squared away for my visit and I told her I wanted to ask her some questions for mine and Edward's bio project. She sounded genuinely excited to be talking again and I had to admit I was, too.

I went to sleep that night feeling like I finally got something accomplished as far as my mom goes but I was not looking forward to seeing Jasper or Edward anytime soon. With the admission to my mom that maybe things weren't as I thought they were with Jasper, I knew I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

----

**EPOV**

When I woke up for school this morning, my first thought was that I needed to make everything right with Bella again. I knew I needed to let her cool off a bit before trying to apologize because that's just how she was. She liked to sit and think about everything and try to calm down before talking again.

Luckily she left before me this morning so I probably wouldn't see her until lunch. That gave her plenty of time to stop being as mad as she was last night so I can apologize and make everything right.

I was fucking exhausted from my late night dramafest and I slowly made my way to school, yawning all the while.

Jasper stopped me after our first class again only this time he wasn't such a dick. "Edward, can I ask you something, man?"

"I told you I didn't want to be all buddy-buddy, asshole."

"Relax, jackass, I just need to know how to make it right with Bella again. She came to my house this morning to pick Rose up but she wouldn't even get out of her truck. So, I tried to talk to her through her window but she rolled it up and locked her door."

I chuckled, "Sounds like her. But I'm on her shitlist, too, so join the club."

He arched an eyebrow at me like a girl, "What did you do this time?"

"Told her that Alice wasn't a slut."

"And she didn't agree with you?"

I shook my head no, "Not at all."

"Well that's just great. So, what do we do?"

I shrugged my shoulders, before I started walking away, "We just have to give her time to calm down. She should be okay by lunch to talk."

I couldn't have been more wrong. By the time lunch rolled around, I found myself sitting on one side of the cafeteria table with Jasper of all people. Emmett was in the middle on our side, as a sort of barrier between Bella and Rose who were sitting together on the other side of the table, hunched over some papers whispering to each other.

We all sat in uncomfortable silence for quite a while. That is until I heard Rosalie squeal, "Oh, I saw the perfect blue bikini for you in Port Angeles last week!"

Bikini? What the hell would Bella need a bikini for in April?

Bella shushed Rose and I couldn't take the secrets anymore. I slammed a palm on the table saying, "What the hell are you two plotting over there?"

Rosalie smiled wide, an evil hint in her eyes, "Bella and I are going to Florida for Spring Break!"

My eyes widened in shock and Emmett grumbled through a bite of his sandwich, "You know, if I didn't love you so much Bells, I'd be pissed you're taking my girlfriend for a week."

Bella smiled weakly before saying, "Sorry, Emmybear."

My brother smiled back at her, patting her hand across the table, "No worries, Bellybear."

I felt like I was going to throw up. Between their little pet names for each other and the thought of Bella in a blue bikini in Florida, I was pretty sure I would.

Jasper didn't say a word, which surprised me. I mean Bella is his girlfriend for crying out loud. Why is he not more upset? I looked over at him, nudging him with my shoulder.

I whispered, "Um, aren't you going to use your special boyfriend powers and forbid her to go?"

He furrowed his brow, whispering back, "Didn't you hear? She broke up with me."

Have I died and gone to Heaven? "What?"

He looked really pissed, "Yeah. Right after I talked to you this morning she found me and told me about Florida and then right after that she said she couldn't just forget about the Alice thing and that she needed a break from us."

"Well, just a break right? I mean that's not a break_up_."

Jasper scoffed, "Dude. You have fucking eyes. Look at her."

I looked over confused, "Yeah, so?"

He looked at me like I was an idiot.

"That beautiful girl is going to _Florida_. For _Spring Break_. In a _bikini_. I'm done for," he groaned.

"Shit. I see your point."

I almost felt bad for the guy. Almost.

The rest of the lunch period was pretty quiet. Jasper spent most of it with his head down on the table pouting, Rose and Bella kept up their Spring Break 2009 plans, and I sat there planning on how to either steal Bella's flight info so that I could take the trip as well or how to board the plane as a stowaway.

Either way, I had to be there. Can you imagine the assholes that will hit on her in a bikini?

Oh, no, no, no. This will not be good.

Finally it was time for bio and that meant sitting next to Bella without her being able to run away.

When I got in the room, she was writing furiously on a piece of paper.

"Hey, Bell."

"Edward," she said in a clipped tone.

"Listen, about last night," I started.

She stopped writing and looked up, "Don't worry about it. Look, I talked to my mom last night and this morning and I got her answers to the interview. I also talked to Rose and Em earlier today so I got theirs, too. I wrote all their answers down and I'll type them up tonight and give them to you tomorrow-" She was rambling so fast I couldn't really keep up with her.

"Bell, stop. Don't worry about that. You talked to your mom?"

Her face softened a bit and she smiled, "Yeah. And I really feel better about it."

I touched her shoulder, "Good. I'm glad and I'm really sorry about yesterday. You have all my loyalty, you know that."

She sighed, "Honestly, I knew that all along, Edward. I was just really, really angry and I needed my best friend, you know?"

I smiled brightly, throwing my arm around her completely. "Well you got him. Always. So, what's up with the whole Jasper situation?"

She frowned, putting her head in her hands, causing my arm to fall. "I broke up with him. Well, I said I needed a break but whatever. It's just semantics now anyway."

"Just like that?"

She nodded, "Yes. He kissed Alice just like that. And really, why not? I mean we've only been official like three days so whatever. I'll get over this and we'll be friends again and that's that. It's not like I expected it to last. It is _me_, after all."

Where the hell did all this come from?

"You were crying your eyes out about him yesterday and now 'poof' you're over it?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I mean I'm not over it. It still hurts me. I liked Jasper. But talking to my mom yesterday kind of opened my eyes a bit and I know that I have a lot to think about it in Florida."

"It seemed like he was really upset at lunch. I mean I think he really does like you, Bell. Maybe it was just a mistake."

"He just feels guilty. We did get really close this past month and he just feels bad for hurting me. He's a really good friend but while I'm gone I'm sure he'll spend time with Alice and the more I thought about it last night the more I figured out that I'm okay with that."

I nodded and decided to change the subject, "You know I would have went with you, you didn't have to take Rose."

She laughed, "Thanks but I'd rather not sit on the beach watching every blond with big boobs throwing themselves at you. I'm good on being the third wheel."

She almost sounded jealous. And the thought thrilled me.

I ran a hand down her arm and whispered in her ear, "Aww, you know I'd pay attention to you and only you, Bella."

She blushed a deep crimson before saying in a mocking tone, "Only because I'd be in a bikini and you'd have to fight off anyone who noticed."

I shrugged my shoulders at her, smirking, "You know me so well."

Banner decided to walk in then and our conversation had to end. Halfway through class Bella pushed her notebook in front of me. I looked down and on it was a short note.

**Come over after school and help me pack.**

_Fine, but you're not packing a bikini._

She rolled her eyes before finishing the note with a lovely image for myself to think about for the rest of biology, hell the rest of my life.

**Fine, I'll go sans bathing suit to the beach then. It's all the rage nowadays.**

Pshhh...over my dead body.

----

**BPOV**

When I got home from school today, I actually had butterflies in my stomach while I was waiting for Edward to come over. I knew I had a lot to talk to him about.

School was more or less what I expected. My mom called before I left to pick up Rose this morning to tell me that after our conversation last night she couldn't fall back to sleep so she booked my flight. I took the opportunity to ask her the interview questions I needed to ask her and then I had to go to get ready for school.

I picked Rose up in the morning so that I could tell her all about Renee and going to Florida. Before I even had a chance to tell her she could come with me she said, "I'm calling the airlines right now. You need me there with you."

When we got to school, Rose already had a ticket on the same flight as me and she was excitedly talking about packing and suntans and I couldn't help but giggle with her about it.

Eventually I had to face Jasper and I figured I'd do it after our first class. He had nervously shifted from foot to foot in front of me as I told him how I felt about everything.

"I know that we haven't been official long, Jazz, but something tells me that if after three days you're already cheating, something's not right."

He looked hurt, but he nodded anyway, saying, "I never meant to hurt you, Bella. I like you so much and I hate that I'm no different than any other asshole that's hurt you before."

"Above anything Jasper, you're a great friend and I can't shut you out of my life completely. And if Alice makes you happy, well, it'll take a little getting used to, but I can be happy for you."

He took a step forward, "I want to be with you-"

"Jazz, don't."

"It's the truth."

"I can't do this right now. I need a break from us, Jasper. Hang out with Alice while I'm gone, see what you might have with her. You never know until you try, right?"

He nodded sadly, telling me he was sorry again and to call him while I was away. I told him I'd try to and walked away.

I know I did the right thing breaking up with him. The talk with my mom brought out feelings I thought I had locked away. Feelings that, apparently, I still held on to fiercely for Edward.

Until I've dealt with those feelings for him properly, I'd always be stifled by them and I'd never be able to fully move on to someone else. Jasper didn't deserve halfway, he deserved for someone to love him with every fiber of their being. That just wasn't possible for me right now.

While I was in the kitchen making sandwiches, I heard a tap on the door and then Edward was in front of me in all his messy-haired glory.

He snatched a sandwich off the plate, before hopping up on the counter next to where I was standing.

"Well, hello to you, too Grabby Hands," I muttered while washing off the knife I was using to cut the sandwiches.

He swallowed the huge bite he had in his mouth, giving me his beautiful crooked smile, "Sorry, I was starving."

I nodded nervously, suggesting we head up to my room to start packing.

He whined, "Is that completely necessary? I mean you don't leave until Friday. I say no packing and we watch a movie."

I grabbed his hand and started dragging him towards the steps. "Nice try, but Rose and I are going shopping for bathing suits tomorrow and we leave Thursday night so I have to do this now. Come on."

About an hour later I was all packed and Edward and I were laying side by side on my bed.

"You going to miss me?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

He snuggled closer to me, "Are you kidding me?"

"No, are you?"

He lifted his head off the pillow and I got a glorious whiff of him, making my insides melt. He looked at me seriously, "I'm going to miss you so much, Bella. I bet Emmett will be sick of me by day two."

"Well he won't have Rose to hang out with, so I'm sure he'll be extra cranky from lack of sex."

Edward laughed, "I can sympathize."

I pushed at him, "Shut up. That's all you care about."

He grabbed at my hand then, not letting go as he said, "That's not true."

"Yes it is. Remember Alice?"

He sighed, putting his other arm around me but not letting go of my hand, "That was a mistake, Bell. Seriously. I was wasted and sad and it just never should have happened. Trust me."

"What were you sad about?"

"Nevermind that, tell me about what happened when you talked to your mom."

I sat up, suddenly nervous that this conversation was about to happen. A wave of paranoia flowed through my body and settled into my stomach and I couldn't bring myself to say the words to him that I wanted to.

Instead of telling him exactly how I felt about him, I chickened out and we spent the rest of the night talking about my mom and what Rose and I planned to do in Florida.

When Edward left that night, I sat down at my desk and wrote out a letter to him. I told him how I've been more or less in love with him since we were 13 and that not a day goes by that I don't think about him before I go to sleep. I told him how he makes me angrier than any other person on Earth does but at the same time he makes me want to kiss him until I can't breathe. I told him that the days when we lie in the hammock in his backyard and read books together are my favorite and that the only reason I sleep with Bellabear every night is because it makes me feel close to him. And finally closing out the letter I wrote a simple 'I love you' before signing my name.

I wasn't sure when I was going to give the letter to him but at least it was done. I folded the letter and placed it in an envelope with his name on it before putting it on top of the folder that had all the research I typed up for our project.

When Thursday night rolled around I was so excited and nervous I thought I could throw up. After Emmett and Rosalie made out with each other for a good hour, Charlie and Edward rode with us to the airport. Rosalie threw a fit about having to sit in the back with Edward so to keep the peace I offered her the front seat. As we got closer to the airport, Edward grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers. I thought my heart would explode as he caressed our hands with his thumb.

He whispered in my ear, "I'm really going to miss you, Bella."

I whispered back that I would miss him too, wiping a tear from my eye.

"Don't cry. You're going to have fun there."

Too soon, Charlie was turning into the airport and Rose and I were gathering our things to go inside.

Charlie hugged us both and jumped into the car. He never was big on sad goodbyes. Edward hugged Rosalie hesitantly before scooping me up in a big hug. He kissed me softly on the cheek before handing me my carry-on.

"Be good. Have fun, girls. Rosalie, do me a favor and pound on any guy that hits on Bella in her bikini."

She snorted before turning towards the entrance to the airport.

Shaking my head at her, I turned back to Edward, "I'll call you when we get there, okay?"

"You better," Edward warned giving me one last hug before turning back towards the car where Charlie was waiting.

I started to walk away before calling to him, "Oh I almost forgot! I typed the rest of the project up. It's sitting on my desk in my room. Turn it in to Banner tomorrow, don't forget!"

He nodded, blew me a kiss and was on his way out.

I sighed, placing my hands in my pockets. I felt a small piece of paper inside. Pulling it out, I noticed that the paper was written with Edward's elegant scrawl. Two simple words that made my day were on it, 'Be Safe'.

He always knew what to say to make me smile.

Safely aboard the plane, twenty-some thousand odd feet in the air was when a terrifying thought suddenly hit me. I told Edward to get my folder of notes from the project off my desk. The same folder of notes that had a certain love-letter addressed to Edward sitting on top of it.

We haven't even landed and already this vacation sucks.

Crap.

----


	15. Chapter 15

**Yikes. I just realized how long it's been since I updated. I hope that doesn't make you too mad at lil old me. But anyway, real life has kicked my ass up and down lately and I just didn't have the energy to write and on top of that I had a huge, HUGE case of writer's block.**

**Let me know what you think of this update, huh? It seems that the number of reviews I get has a direct correlation to how fast I seem to get another update out. Funny how that works! :)**

**As always thanks to those who reviewed Chap 14: Xx Babii Angel xX, PsychWardSiren(Missed you too, doll!), lyndons angel of light, i-heart-music-is-life, kairikh2, blou97, candyquakenbush, dreamngo4it9, and winternow.**

**My dear friends Maiya and Adriana for always having something positive and sweet to say to me. Go read their stories, they are awesome! You can find them on the profile Maiya9182.**

**And to my loverface AmeryMarie, I miss you! Ever since you went to Kansas, Toto, we haven't talked much! Hope all is well! :)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns it all, yada yada yada.**

**----**

**EPOV**

The clock in Bella's room was beginning to drive me mad.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.

It was mocking me, telling me I was running out of time. I'd been sitting here for the better part of an hour wondering just what in the hell I was going to do next. Sixty short minutes ago I was on cloud-nine. Bella and I were doing great. Things were finally beginning to fall back into place with us.

That was until the second I walked into her room to get our project.

Immediately, my eyes were upon an envelope with my name on it, written in her cute little handwriting. The sight of her child-like scrawl made me realize that she'd only just left for the airport and I already missed her as if she'd been gone a month.

I knew I wouldn't be able to wait until I was home to open the envelope, so I ripped it open greedily. I had no idea that the contents of it would change my life forever.

Everything I had ever wanted to hear from Bella was in that letter. She didn't hold back on anything. As I read that she was in love with me, that she loved reading books together in my hammock during our summers, that she only slept with her Bellabear because it reminded her of me, I felt something swell up inside of me and swallow me whole.

My love for Bella literally consumed me the second I read the words 'I love you' at the bottom of her letter. I felt supernaturally strong and invincible, like I could run a marathon or lift a car or some shit.

But along with that unbelievable feeling, I also felt an enormous amount of guilt. Guilt because I knew that I would never be able to live up to what Bella needed in a lover. Don't get me wrong, I'm more than capable of being what she needs in the physical sense, not that I would be okay with taking her innocence, but can I live up to what she needs with everything else?

I couldn't stomach if I ever broke her heart. It would literally tear me to pieces. If my mother left me, how would I be able to ensure that Bella wouldn't get tired of me and leave as well?

I already knew that I would mess this up somehow. And knowing that she was in love with me, this broken shell of a person, made me feel as though I've already done just that. I don't want to hurt her. Ever.

I didn't know what to do.

On one hand, I wanted to call her and tell her that I loved her, too. I wanted to buy a ticket to Florida and hunt down the Dwyer residence in Jacksonville to kiss Bella senseless and tell her everything she deserved to hear.

On the other hand though, I wanted to pretend as if I never read her letter to me so that nothing would have to change between the two of us. My friendship with Bella was the single most important thing in my life. If I messed up being her boyfriend, we'd never be able to go back to how we were.

Sighing, I ripped the hair out of my head before I carefully tucked the letter into my back pocket and grabbed Bella's part of the project. I took one last look of her room before switching the light off and shutting the door.

Charlie was seated in his usual spot in the living room when I made it down the steps. I waved to him before heading for the door but I didn't make it out before he called me back in.

"Edward, come here a minute, will you?"

I sat down on the couch wondering just what the hell the Chief would want to talk to me about. "What's up, Charlie?"

His expression told me that he knew something was up with me, "Everything alright with you, son?"

Shit.

Damn Charlie Swan and his police senses.

"Er, yeah. I'm fine, why do you ask?" Did my voice just squeak? Something about talking to Charlie made me revert back to thirteen years old again.

He looked at me suspiciously, shaking his head. "I noticed you were up in Bells' room for an awful long time."

I smiled involuntarily when I thought about my reason for being up there so long. "Oh. Yeah, Bell left me a note and uh, I guess I spaced out after reading it."

He nodded, using his official police officer voice as he said, "You love her don't you?"

"Holy sh-crap," I corrected.

Charlie continued on, calm and collected. "I'm right, aren't I?"

I threw my head in my hands. "Am I that obvious?" I sputtered.

Charlie's face broke into a grin and he chuckled, "It's easy to recognize a fool in love. And really, why wouldn't you be? She's a special one, that girl. After all, I should know."

I agreed, smiling once again as I thought of Bella. "She is. She's...," I paused as I thought of the word that encapsulated the enigma that is Bella, "She's perfect."

"I wholeheartedly agree, but I'm also a little partial. But for someone who knows he's in love, can I ask why you look as if the weight of the world is on your shoulders?"

I sighed, remembering why I couldn't just be with Bella the way my heart ached to be.

"It's _because_ she's so perfect."

Charlie looked at me like I wasn't making sense so I went on. "I'm not perfect. Not even close and because of that, I feel like I can't give her what she needs. I mean if my birth mom didn't want me when I was just a baby, who's to say Bella will stick around and deal with all my crap now?" I questioned, hoping that Charlie could shed a new light on my predicament.

Charlie leaned forward a bit. "It's unfortunate that something like that happened to you at such a young age, Edward. But for all intents and purposes, your mother is in the house next door," he said as he pointed in the direction of my house where Esme was probably busy cooking dinner.

He went on, "The woman who birthed you isn't your mother. And as far as Bella leaving you is concerned, how long have you two been friends?"

"You know how long. Since diapers...probably longer," I started to say before Charlie cut me off.

"Which means since diapers she's stuck around and dealt with all of your self-proclaimed crap, am I right?"

I nodded, dumbfounded that I had never though about it in that way. "Yeah, I guess she has."

Charlie smiled again. "Listen, Edward, I've watched the two of you growing up. And hopefully you never have to know this firsthand, but being the single father of a teenage girl is downright terrifying, believe me. But if you haven't noticed, I've never been hard on you about staying here when I'm not. I trust you. I know that you have the best of intentions for my Isabella. I know you'll always do the right thing when it comes to her. You'll keep her safe."

I exhaled sharply, feeling as though a weight lifted from my chest at the sound of Charlie's admission of trust. "I do have her best interest at heart, but I don't know how to approach the topic of a relationship with her. I don't know. I guess I'm just a chicken shit."

Charlie laughed loudly reaching over to pat me on the back, "When it comes to women, son, we all are."

----

**BPOV**

"Oh, what about this one, Bells?"

Looking down at the pink seashell Rose deposited in the bucket in my hands, I realized she was talking to me.

"What? Oh yeah, that one's pretty."

She huffed, snatching the bucket from me, "What is _with_ you? You're on spring break! Act like it!"

She emphasized her point by shaking her butt and sticking out her tongue.

I laughed at her lame attempt at dancing. "It's not that simple, Britney. Edward most definitely read that letter. It's been almost two whole days since we left and he hasn't called or anything. Do you know how embarassing this is? He wasn't supposed to see it!"

"Well who's fault is that, Bella? You should have moved it before telling the boy to go to your room!" She said as she smirked like the evil wench she truly was.

I shoved her playfully causing her to stumble a bit. "Thanks for that sound advice, Rose. But I wasn't thinking when I left it there!"

She shrugged her shoulders as we continued down the beach by Renee and Phil's house. "I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you did it subconsciously, you know? You were too scared to tell him to his face so maybe you left the letter there for him to find while you were away because it would be easier that way."

I shook my head. "No. I didn't want him to read it. At least not now. I mean, I literally _just_ broke up with Jasper and a couple of days later I'm writing a love letter to Edward. God, what in the hell is wrong with me?"

"Nothing is wrong with you!" Rose defended.

I quirked an eyebrow at her as she went on. "Listen, Bells, you know that I love my brother with all I have and I was most definitely all Team Jasper before, _but_ he wronged you. And while it's true I'm not exactly Edward's biggest fan right now either, in the end I just want you to be happy, baby girl. And If Edward is the one that makes you happy, then that's all that matters, isn't it?"

If only that was the only problem.

I sighed, "He does make me happy. But that's never been the problem. The problem is and always has been that what I feel for him isn't the same as what he feels for me. I mean we _just_ got our friendship back to normal, Rose. And now? Now I've gone and made it even more uncomfortable than it was before by professing my love on paper for him to read over and over whenever he feels like having a good laugh." I cringed at the thought. Would he let Emmett read it? I would never hear the end of it if that were the case.

How could I have been so careless with that letter? I should have ripped it to shreds the second I was done writing it. As therapeutic as it was at the time, it certainly wasn't helping me now. If anything it only made things a thousand times worse.

I felt dizzy thinking about my situation so I sat down near the water, looking out at the ocean. Rose sat down next to me and put her arm around me. We sat like that for a long time, until the sound of my cell phone brought us out of our thoughts. I almost threw up as I pulled the phone out of my pocket.

Was Edward calling to tell me what an idiot I was?

I rolled my eyes as I read the caller I.D. I thrust the phone into Rosalie's chest with a resounding thud and said, "Ugh, it's Emmett. Why is he calling my phone?"

Rose smiled, "I left mine at the house. I guess he misses me."

I mocked her in a high pitched, immature tone, "I guess he misses me. Seriously, you two make me want to vomit."

She smacked my arm whispering the word 'jealous' before purring into the phone, "Hey baby."

I heard a muffled sound coming from Emmett's end of the phone as I threw myself backwards into the sand. Closing my eyes, I tried to think back to when my life had become the ultimate clusterfuck of emotions it currently was.

Oh right, just about the time that I confessed my undying love for Edward Cullen in a note that I convienently left for him to read while I was away on Spring Break.

Perfect.

"You're where?! What the hell are you talking about? Why?! Oh...ohhhhhhh. Okay, okay. Uhhh, I think I'm going to drag Bells out tonight," Rose exclaimed to Emmett. "She's been a moody bitch since we landed so I'm going to try to expel the stick that's seems to be permanently lodged in her ass."

I flipped her off and barely listened to her conversation after that. My mind was in Forks with Edward and that embarassing display of unrequited love.

As the clouds merged overtop of me, I imagined possibly staying in Florida to avoid ever having to face Edward after this. Renee would like it, I guess, but Charlie would hate it. I could transfer to whatever the hell the high school is here and in turn go to college here. My pale ass could definitely use a tan for a change.

_Oh come off it, Bella. You're being a dramatic harpy._

God, even my self scolding sounds like Edward.

But even so, I'm not going to stay in Florida because of this. Yes, it will be incredibly embarassing to face Edward after all this but I couldn't be away from Charlie. Or Rose for that matter. They needed me and I needed them. And even if when I get home Edward makes fun of me relentlessly for the letter, I still wouldn't want to be away from him either. I'll take him any way I can get him.

Resigning myself to having to go home at the end of our vacation, I sat up and brushed the sand off of my hands. Dragging one clean hand through my hair to free any sand that may have stuck to it, I looked over to Rosalie to see if she planned on continuing her conversation. I could only take so much lovey-dovey garbage before losing my lunch.

I stood up, causing Rose to jump a bit next to me and then I heard her say, "Edward's being a moody bitch, too, huh?"

Something was off...Rose was acting weird. Wait, what? Edward was being moody?

I suddenly had a huge interest in their conversation. I plopped down next to Rose and signaled for her to share the phone so I could hear what Emmett was saying.

"Em say that one more time, I didn't hear you," Rose replied as I made myself comfy next to her and she pushed 'speakerphone'.

Emmett sighed before repeating what he had said to Rose earlier, "I said, Edward has been acting like a little girl for the past two days. He's been locked in his room since Bella left playing that God awful emo shit he always listens to whenever those two get into fights."

Emmett started asking Rose if she missed him like he missed his naughty little Rosebud and Rose quickly turned the speakerphone off, turning a shade of pink I'd never thought I'd see which in turn made me laugh.

"Yes, I have you sexy stud muffin," she whispered as she turned her head away from me. I fought the urge to vomit from their pet names yet again and thought about what Emmett had said. Why would Edward be depressed? I mean yes, I admitted my undying love for him in a letter but that was hardly a reason to be locked away in his room being sad. Flattered and confused, sure, maybe even angry, but depressed? I mean who gets depressed when they find out someone is in love with them?

Apparently assholes like Edward Cullen, that's who.

I tried signaling to Rose to tell her let's go back to the house but she shooed me away, telling me she'd meet me back at my mom's. I worried for a moment but she flipped me off, mouthing that she'd be fine. I mouthed back that she had ten minutes to get off the phone or else. I tried looking intimidating when I said 'or else' but I knew without having to see myself that I was anything but scary.

She rolled her eyes and waved bye.

As I walked I thought maybe I should take Rose up on her offer to go out tonight. I mean obviously Edward wasn't going to call anytime soon and I _am_ in Florida. How often am I in a place that has a climate the complete opposite of Forks? I stumbled my way over to the stairs that went up to Renee's house deep in thought.

In the time it took me to make it to the bottom step, I had decided that I would be carefree Bella tonight. Hell, I might even wear a skirt. Or maybe Rose and I will find some random beach party and I'll find myself a Floridian to flirt with.

I chuckled to myself at the thought. I climbed up the stairs, stopping dead in my tracks when I heard a very familiar booming laugh coming from what sounded like inside.

My heart started pounding in my chest when I recognized it as Emmett's laugh. But how in the hell could Emmett be here if he was on the phone with Rose?

I turned back around to look towards where Rose was sitting and couldn't see her anymore at all. I heard the laugh again and when I whipped back around to charge into my mom's house to find out what was going on, I was met with the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen in my life.

----

**EPOV**

"Edward, if you don't get your mopey ass out of your room in the next two seconds I swear to all that's holy to you in this world that I will knock down this door and smash that godforsaken radio to bits!" Emmett shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Can it, Em! I'm not coming out so shove off!" I yelled back.

"That's it! I warned you, pretty boy!"

He wouldn't break the door down. Esme would kill him. And while Emmett was well over 200 pounds and full of muscle, he was terrified of the wrath of our tiny mother. I shuffled to my feet for the third time today to turn up the music I'd been listening to and then deposited my ass right back into my bed, my delightful shelter from the outside world for the past twenty-four hours.

"You have until the count of three and then I'm breaking it down, Eddie-boy!"

"Fuck off, Emmett! I'm not coming out!"

"Have it your way, asshat! I'm coming in then! Here I go...One...two...three!"

I heard a smash against the door and noticed that the frame of the door had actually bent a bit because of his big ass. I had no choice but to let him in.

I sighed as I got up again, unlocking the deadbolt on the door and ripping it open. I must have looked like a complete and total tool. I had run my hands through my hair more times than I cared to count, making it even more messy than normal and I had even delved into my emergency weed stash to try to calm my frazzled nerves, so my eyes must have been bloodshot to hell.

I hadn't even touched any alcohol, which in and of itself was quite an accomplishment to say the least. I could fog up my mind with a joint without making rash decisions, but tequila always made me make the worst decision possible when it came to Bella and right now that was the last thing I needed.

After my talk with Charlie, I had thought everything was so clear. I pondered calling Bella and telling her how I felt, but that seemed too impersonal to me. Instead I had decided I was going to wait for her to get back into Forks and then I was going to tell her exactly how I felt about her. I was going to admit that I hated when she was with Jasper, that every single time I saw them touch or kiss I had wanted to strangle him with my bare hands.

I had even thought up this elaborate plan where I would lead her to the meadow out in the woods that we found when we were fourteen and tell her there that I loved her. She always loved going there, especially on days where she was really stressed out or worried. It was our secret place to escape our troubles.

But, once again, my own brain got in the way. I went through every possible outcome in my mind and eventually I thought that if I waited until she got back from vacation that maybe she would have met someone else while she was there and would have pulled another Jasper on me.

I had known from the get-go of her relationship with Jasper that she, whether she knew it consciously or not, was trying to get back at me for Tanya. And if she thought that I was here in Forks not giving a shit about her letter, she might try to do something drastic to get back at me.

So after that thought I figured a trip to Florida couldn't hurt but I chickened out before even going to the airline's website. Wouldn't she get mad at me for just barging into her vacation? The longer I went without calling her though, the more grim the outlook was destined to be for me.

"What the hell is so god damn urgent, Emmett? I'm fucking busy in here," I yelled.

He scoffed, "Busy? Doing what? Being a whiny bitch yet again about Bella?"

"And if I am?"

His face lightened as he said sheepishly, "If you are I'm going to tell you to get your ass up and get us two tickets to Florida, bro."

What the hell? Is this big oaf a mind reader now?

"Why would I do that, Em?"

"Uh, maybe because our girls are _there_ and we're both fucking miserable _here_ without them."

"Tell me what makes you think that Bella would want me to just barge into her vacation like some Neanderthal?"

"Well, I just got off the phone with Rose and she said ever since they landed that Bella's been acting like a zombie worried about what you thought about her letter. She's upset you haven't called and now she thinks you're blowing her off, again, I might add."

That was the farthest thing from the truth. I just wanted to make sure that I knew exactly how to handle this whole thing before I went and did something to mess it all up again.

"I'm not blowing her off. I'm just... trapped in my own head, I guess. I know that I'm not any good for her but at the same time, I know I can't live without her and it's fucking killing me inside trying to figure out what to do."

Emmett whacked me upside the head before saying, "Well, don't you think it's up to Bella to decide if she wants you in her life or not? Isn't that a decision she needed to make on her own? A decision that she's very clearly already made by writing you that letter?"

Well, I certainly hadn't thought of it that way before.

"But...I can't just show up in Florida to tell her I love her, Em," I sputtered. "Can I?"

He laughed, "Why the fuck not? It's like the _grandest_ of grand romantic gestures if you ask me. She'll be like putty in your hands."

And after hearing how incredibly feminine he just sounded, he quickly added, "Plus, it'll definitely get you in her pants!"

He cracked up as I threw my pillow at him and stomped towards my laptop. After hearing Emmett and Charlie's encouragment to go for it with Bella, I wasn't about to allow myself to change my own mind again. I was doing this. And there was no turning back.

Bella was going to be _mine._

----

Three very long, very grueling hours later, Emmett and I had convinced Esme and Carlisle to let us fly to Florida for three glorious days. After another very long, _very_ large guilt trip to my mom, I had her call Renee and tell her when we were arriving in Florida and to make sure her scatterbrained ass didn't tell Bella that we were coming to see her.

Getting my mom to call Renee? That was a _huge_ accomplishment. Esme hadn't really talked to Renee since the day she left Forks and in turn, Bella, all those years ago. She wasn't very happy about the idea of talking to her again as she still held quite a bit of anger towards Renee for what she considered abandoning Bella in her time of need.

Luckily for me all I had to do was pull out the puppy dog eyes and tell her I was doing this so that she got her ultimate wish, her baby and her Bellissima together, for her to start dialing.

Before I knew it, all was set. Emmett and I were leaving really early the next morning and landing sometime in the very late afternoon. We had a non-stop flight, something I thanked my lucky stars for, because it meant I got to Bella faster than if I had some lame ass layover somewhere in the middle of the country.

I forced myself to go to bed that night by telling myself that the faster I went to sleep, the faster it would be morning and I'd be on my way to see my Bella. Just like I used to tell myself on Christmas eve when I was a child, the faster I went to bed, the faster Santa would be here with my presents.

Only this time, I was receiving the best present of them all- Bella. Gift wrapped and beautiful in all her blue bikini glory.

I was jolted awake around four in the morning by Emmett's monstrous hands and we were well on our way to seeing our girls.

On the plane, Emmett thought it was a good idea to come up with a game plan for what I was going to do to when I found Bella but nothing concrete came to me, so I decided I'd wing it. He figured that he would call Rose once we got into Jacksonville to see where they were and then we would go from there, too. I felt like I was going to be sick, I was so nervous and it only got worse as we descended into Florida.

Once we landed in Jacksonville and got a cab to take us towards Renee's house, was when I really started to panic. What if she'd changed her mind since the last time we talked? Had she really even meant for me to see the note? Would she freak out when I just barged in on her vacation?

What if she met someone else already? I mean shit, her and Jasper took no time at all getting together. And that asshole hadn't even seen her in a bikini before.

Holy mother of God, is it fucking hot in Florida. My hair stuck to my head like glue and I felt like I could wring it out like a sponge. I rolled down the window in the cab, hoping to both cool myself off and rid the cab of some of it's stale air. I watched as we passed palm trees and cars with surfboards on the roof.

And then all too soon, Em and I were on Renee's front porch looking at each other like assholes.

"Um, dude. You're the one here to defile her only daughter. You should knock." Emmett started nervously.

"What? I'm not here to defile Bella, asshole!"

"Psh, like if she wants to you'll say no."

I scoffed, "That's hardly here nor there. Right now I'm here to make sure she knows I love her."

Emmett raised his eyebrows, "So knock, dickhole."

I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to win the argument and knowing if we kept bickering Bella's mom or step-dad, who I'm sure owned several bats, would hear us talking about Bella's virtue and my willingness to take said virtue and bash our heads in.

I raised my fist to the door before letting out a long, deep breath. "Here goes nothing."

I knocked hesitantly and not two seconds later, a face I hadn't seen in years was revealed. Her hair was shorter than the last time I had seen her and her face was way more tanned, but it was most definitely Bella's mom. "Edward! Emmett! Still just as handsome as ever I see!"

"Yeah, well I don't know about Eddie-boy here but I'm damn fine!" Emmett boomed as he scooped Renee up in a hug.

"How are you, Mrs. Dwyer?" I began politely.

"Edward Anthony Cullen, don't you dare Mrs. Dwyer me. You call me Renee and that's final!"

I sulked, "Yes, ma'am."

She moved on to pull me into a hug and I sighed, realizing then just how much Bella resembled her mother physically. They had the same hair color and face shape, heart-shaped and delicate, and they were exactly the same height. The only real difference was their eye color. Renee's were a dark blue while Bella's were the most beautiful chesnut color I'd ever seen. Yeah, I was definitely turning into a girl.

I looked around for any sign of Bella but she was nowhere to be found.

Renee spoke up, answering my unasked question. "She's taking a walk on the beach with Rose right now."

I nodded my head unenthusiastically and looked around for someway of entertaining myself until Bella got back. Unfortunately for me, Renee had some more to talk to me about.

"So, are you going to tell me what all this is about? Esme wasn't very helpful with the reasoning behind this impromptu trip." She said with curiousity.

I blanched, "Um, uh, I'm not- I don't know if...is it hot in here?" I tugged on my collar, praying that somehow it would magically transport me to anywhere but here.

"Well, Bella called me not too long ago in absolute hysterics which is why I asked her to visit. This trip wouldn't have anything to do with that, would it?"

"Bella called you...crying?" I asked in disbelief.

Renee bit her lip, "You know what? Nevermind that. I've probably said too much as it is. She'll be back soon so why don't we figure out what you plan on doing to surprise our girl, huh."

Emmett looked around and noticed Rose's phone sitting on the table. "Shit."

"Emmett!" Renee chided.

"Sorry, it's just, Rose left her phone here. Do you know if Bella has hers on her?"

Renee nodded, "I told them that at least one of them had to take a phone in case of an emergency."

Internally I scoffed at her, thinking that was probably the most parental piece of advice she'd given Bella in years. But I wouldn't dare voice that. Right now, she was my one and only link to Bella.

Emmett interrupted my thoughts by saying, "I'm going to have to call Rose on Bella's phone and tell her what's going on."

"What are you going to say to her?" I asked him curiously.

Emmett nodded, "I'm going to tell her to play along like we're talking normally just so she can get Bella here faster and you two can start whatever the hell it is you're going to start because quite frankly, I'm sick of you both being mopey bitc-" he looked to Renee before correcting himself, "I mean, uh, mopey blowholes."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Just get her here, Em," I snapped.

He saluted me like a dick and called Bella's phone. I barely listened as he yammered away to Rose.

I vaguely heard him tell Rosalie that he was indeed in Florida along with myself and to play along with whatever he said.

The one part my ears did pick up on was the part of the conversation where Emmett said, "Edward has been acting like a little girl for the past two days. He's been locked in his room since Bella left playing that God awful emo shit he always listens to whenever those two get into fights."

I had not been locked in there for two days. Just... a day and a half.

Finally he wrapped up his talk with Rose, mouthing that Bella was on her way here and I hurried up and stood by the back door of Renee's house looking out at the beach.

I could see a faint silhouette of a girl walking that could have been Bella. I wasn't completely sure it was Bella until I saw the girl stumble over absolutely nothing but her own two feet. And as soon as I knew it was her, my heart began to pound a mile a minute.

I stepped away from the window for some reason, maybe to let her get up the steps before seeing me and deciding she wanted to run away. I heard her footsteps coming up the stair well and my heart felt like it was in my throat.

Emmett laughed loudly at something Rose must have said on the phone and I noticed Bella freeze in her tracks. Of course she would recognize his loud ass laugh. She'd heard it her whole life.

I saw Bella turn around to look back at something and decided that was the time to show myself. Now or never.

I opened up the back door quietly and stepped out, watching as Bella looked frantically out at the beach. Emmett laughed again and Bella's head whipped back around, leaving us standing face to face to one another.

"Edward? What in the...how in the hell...what are you doing here?!" She stuttered before throwing herself in my arms.

I drank in her smell greedily, not even caring if I sounded like a weirdo sniffing her. I squeezed her in my arms tightly before pushing back a lock of her hair behind her ear and whispering, "I missed you."

She pulled back a bit looking in my eyes, "You missed me so you came all the way to Florida?"

Now or never, Cullen. Now or never.

"Well, that's only part of the reason."

She quirked an eyebrow before a wave of some emotion crossed her face...anxiety? Horror?

"You're here about the note, aren't you?"

I nodded and she tried to pull away. She started talking really fast as she continued trying to pull away from my grasp.

"Listen, Edward. I know that you probably read that letter and you don't feel the same way but I don't think that it has to change our friendship-"

I cut her off by putting a finger to her lips. "Bella, shh."

"Edward, please just-"

"Isabella Marie Swan! Shut it for two seconds will you?"

She pouted but did as she was asked.

I smiled before going on, "Now, I _am_ here about the note but not for the reason you probably think. I'm not here to yell at you or make you feel bad or whatever other negative idea you've managed to concoct in your pretty little head. I'm here...I'm here to tell you that I'd be a total fool not to feel the same way about you."

She tried to talk again but I kept my finger to her lips for a minute longer, "Not done yet, love."

I went on, wiping a single tear that had escaped her eye.

"I'm here to tell you that I am so utterly, ridiculously, unbelievably in love with you, Bell and I'm going to kiss you right now."

And then I took her little face in my hands and crushed her perfect lips to my own.

----


	16. Chapter 16

**I'm going to go ahead and warn you that this indeed an ALL-FLUFF chapter. I know I'm all about the angst but even I need a break sometime. Plus, my other story Last Goodbye, is mega-angsty and I needed a break. **

**Special thanks to those who review...they really make me happy!**

**Disclaimer: All belongs to Stephenie Meyer. **

**So without further ado, here comes the fluff!**

**----**

**BPOV**

Am I in heaven?

Am I dreaming?

Did Edward really just show up in Florida to confess his love for me?

Am I kissing him?

Almost as if he could read my mind and wanted to answer my questions, I felt his hand on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. At this point I figured if I were dreaming that I'd better make the very best of this situation and go all out.

In doing so, I grabbed two fistfuls of his beautiful hair (my God my daydreams of how soft his hair would feel balled up in my hands did him no justice) as I practically climbed his body to deepen the kiss. I heard him moan into my mouth which in turn made me moan back loudly in to his. My entire body felt flushed as my heart pounded so loud it reverberated through my head and ears.

I sucked in a deep breath and felt Edward's tongue snake into my mouth. I'd kissed Edward before but never had I felt such emotion and want in his kiss. Knowing that he was standing in front of me, completely sober, mind you, initiating a kiss that I've wanted for so long now made my knees go weak.

Literally.

Edward must have felt my shift in balance because suddenly he squeezed my torso tighter to him. I was almost completely off the ground he was holding me so tight.

All too soon he began to soften his kisses, taking his hands off my back. I felt him slowly run one hand up to my hair, followed by the other. He stopped his motions for a second and opened his eyes, telling me softly to open mine.

"Isabella, open your beautiful eyes for a minute."

My eyes fluttered open and the look he was giving me was enough to make my knees weak all over again.

His eyes danced with amusement. "Breathe, love. Breathe," he cooed.

I took a deep breath before whispering, "Are you really here? Did you really just say that you love me, too?"

I heard him chuckle softly, stroking a finger down my face. "Yes, I'm really here and I'm really standing in front of you confessing how immensely in love with you I am. I mean really, how could I not be?"

I choked back my tears of absolute happiness, "I have to be dreaming."

"What can I do to convince you otherwise?"

I quirked an eyebrow, "Hmm...I don't know. Kiss me again?"

He sighed deeply, pretending to think about my request. "That I can most definitely do," he said, his voice full of lust, before lowering his lips to my own for another searing kiss.

I started to tug on his hair again, trying to smash his face to my own even more than it already was when I heard, "Woo! It's about damn time, Bellabean!"

My limbs froze and I heard Edward groan loudly against my mouth, "Emmett, fuck! Will you please shut up?"

I peeked my eyes open to see not only Emmett standing there gawking but my mother and Rosalie as well.

Emmett smacked Edward's shoulder, causing me to stumble back a bit. "Pshhh...my litttle brother finally grew a pair and you think I'm _not_ going to be the first to congratulate him?"

From the corner of my almost completely closed eye, I think I saw Rose elbow Emmett causing him to make an 'oof' sound before my mother ran over to the two of us, practically bouncing with happiness.

"This is amazing! My little Isabella with Esme's Edward. She always said this would happen! I can't wait to call and tell her."

I cringed, "Mom, please. This is so embarassing. Can I please talk to Edward..._alone_?" I looked to Rose for some support and she quickly cleared her throat, suggesting the three of them go inside so Edward and I could have some privacy.

Emmett and my mother surprisingly went along with Rose's suggestion and begain filing into the house but not before Emmett got one more comment in. "Did you hear that, Rosie? She wants to be alone with Eddie-boy!" I put my head into the crook of Edward's arm when I heard my mother warn Emmett that'd she'd whack him with one of Phil's bats if he kept trying to embarass us.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I heard the back door close but quickly had to suck in another breath as I noticed that Rosalie had yet to go into the house with my mother and Emmett. She slowly approached Edward, a look of pure determination and strength adorning her flawless face.

She whispered venomously to Edward, "Now, I'm only going to say this one time and one time only _Eddie-boy_, so listen up."

I saw a wave of sheer terror flash over Edward's face as she poked a perfectly manicured finger to his chest. "So help me God, you had better not hurt her. And if you do hurt her in any way I won't be so gentle when I come after you this time around. I won't be just kicking you in your family jewels...oh, no no. This go 'round," she stepped even closer to get her point across, "This time they'll be in a fucking jar in my room, got it?"

Edward swallowed loudly, "Yeah, Rose, got it."

Rose smiled angelically and said, "Good. So long as we're clear."

Edward answered back just as sweetly. "Crystal."

Rose winked at me and slipped back into my mom's house without another word.

Edward and I both watched her go back into the house. He turned to me once the door was closed. He nodded towards the door and said, "Well, that went well."

"Yeah, it was just...awesome," I answered back sarcastically.

He chuckled as he pulled me into another bone-crushing hug. I snuggled into his chest, enjoying the fact that I could breathe in his scent freely without him thinking I was a complete whack job.

Edward took my hand and led me over to some of the chairs Renee had arranged on her back deck. The view from the porch of her house was absolutely stunning. The floor of the porch was made of traditional wood but the surrounding banisters were all panes of glass. You could see the view of the beach even when you were sitting down in a chair.

Edward waited until I sat in one of the chairs before scooting another over with his foot, never taking his hand out of mine.

I looked down at my lap nervously, before looking back up at Edward through my lashes. He sat down quickly, leaning over to whisper in my ear, "I love when you look at me like that."

I swallowed nervously and stammered, "Like w-what?"

He smiled my favorite crooked grin before saying, "Like you want me."

I coughed out a nervous burst of air. "What...what are you talking about?"

He shrugged before tucking a wayward lock of my hair behind my ear. "So, wanna talk about your note?"

I shook my head vigorously, "No, I want to talk about why you flew clear across the country to see me after reading it."

"I already told you why. I love you and I couldn't wait for you to get back to tell you."

I blushed furiously, squeezing his hand tightly. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing you say that."

"Good. I plan on telling you about a dozen more times to make up for lost time."

I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean?"

"I've been waiting to tell you that for quite some time now. I've just been too scared and then you were with Jasper and-"

I scrunched my face up as my heart started quickening its pace as I interrupted him. "Wait a minute. Are you sure about all this, Edward? What about Tanya? I mean if you've been in love with me for 'quite some time now' like you say you have been, then how could you have willingly gotten back together with her? Plus, I mean, she _cheated_ on you, Edward and I saw with my own two eyes how much that hurt you. What if I'm just your rebound?"

He looked at me like I was crazy, "I could care less that she cheated on me, Bell. She did me a favor, trust me. I never should have went back out with her. In fact, I never should have been with her in the first place. I'm ashamed to it admit it now but I was milking that situation as much as I could so you would feel bad and hang out with me instead of Jasper."

He took a breath and went on. "And while we're on that subject, _Isabella_, I could really say the same thing to you about all of this. You dated Jasper knowing you were in love with me so what's the difference? I'm telling you with all my heart that I, without a doubt in my mind, know how I feel about you. I may have been confused then but I'm absolutely sure now."

I couldn't really argue that I had been trying to replace my feelings for Edward with my feelings for Jasper but I knew that it was a tad different. Edward had girls chasing after him left and right and even though it did always bother me, I had never felt the need to date anyone. His relationships were always completely superficial and never lasted long enough for me to really notice. It was really only when Edward lied to me about Tanya and broke my heart to pieces, that I even entertained the idea of starting a relationship with someone else.

Edward squeezed my hand to break me out of my train of thoughts and went on, "And trust me when I tell you that I've always known that you were special, Bell, but at the same time I've always known that I'm not. I mean I am _such_ a screw up and I'm probably going to Hell for even pursuing this," he motioned between the two of us before pinching the bridge of his nose, "but I'm tired of trying to stay away from you. I'm tired of denying myself when I get that urge to kiss you or hug you or tell you how madly in love with you I am."

As if to prove his point, he leaned over and pressed his lips to my own. Even though we had kissed not too long ago I still felt bewildered that he would want to do it again. I think he meant for the kiss to be gentle and innocent but I couldn't help myself when I pulled his head closer with my free hand and deepened the kiss.

Edward pulled away after a minute, resting his forehead against mine. "So, do you believe it yet? Can you trust that I mean it when I tell you that I'm head over heels in love with you, Bell?"

I sighed. "You better, Cullen. Or I'm kicking your ass and going to college far, far away from you."

He threw his head back in laughter. "I'd like to see you try, Swan. Come on, let's go walk on the beach."

He took my hand and led me down the stairs to the beach. We walked and talked, just enjoying each other's company. Later on that night, we decided to hit up a local carnival with Rose and Emmett.

Edward insisted on playing that game where you try to knock all the bottles down even though I told him it would never happen. He rolled his eyes, throwing a twenty down on the counter and getting a basket of baseballs in return.

"It's all in the aim, Bella. You'll see."

Needless to say, forty dollars and a pissed off Edward later, we were standing in line for the ferris wheel - empty handed.

"That shit was rigged," Edward spouted off as I pulled him into a hug.

Rose laughed, standing next to Emmett who looked a bit nervous to be riding the ferris wheel.

"I tried to tell you, Edward," I started to say but was effectively cut off by his 'shut it' glare.

I giggled to myself, squeezing his torso tighter.

The guy at the front of the line started letting everyone on and Edward and I climbed into one basket, while Rose and Em climbed into the one next to us.

I could hear Rose telling Emmett to stop being such a baby as Edward pulled me closer to him. The ride started and even though I could hear Em clearly panicking below us, the view and being there with Edward made up for it big time.

"Is this real?," I whispered to Edward as we reached the top of the ride.

Edward kissed my neck below my ear, whispering back, "It has to be. I can't bear the thought of waking up from this dream."

_Swoon._

I looked up into his big, green eyes and felt that familiar magnetic pull to kiss him. Our mouths met and I felt like fireworks should have been exploding over top of our heads, the moment felt that perfect. I wanted to remember this for the rest of my life.

Edward sighed pulling me tighter.

And for some strange reason, I started giggling uncontrollably as I thought about the last time I had been this happy.

"What's so funny, Bell?," Edward asked, an adorable smile playing on his lips.

"I was just thinking about the last time I've been this happy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like _this_ memory so much more, trust me, but I know the last time I really smiled like this was when-," I tried to say but giggled again instead.

"Oh God. You're giggling just like you did when you made Esme and Renee take all of us to that *NSYNC concert!"

That did it. That was exactly the time I had been thinking.

The memory of an angry Edward and Emmett, arms crossed over their chests, as Rose and I bounced around like maniacs singing along to every single word to every song they performed bounded through my head. I had bought their CD and listened to it every single day, all day for a whole month. I listened to it so much that Edward and Emmett could recite every song, word for word - a fact that they both hated.

When my mom asked what I wanted for my birthday I said all I wanted that year were tickets for Rose, Edward, Emmett and myself to a concert. Renee, being the flighty mother she was, had no idea what *NSYNC was and happily obliged my wishes, buying the tickets that same day. I knew without a doubt, that once Esme informed the boys of what Renee had done they would throw fits and try to get out of going so I conned Rose into making Emmett go.

Rose and I had been fast friends when I defended her against Lauren and Jessica. More so, Emmett had been following Rose around from that day on, as well. So I knew if Rose asked Emmett to come he would go, but not before begging Edward to go along as well.

Even at ten years old, my mind was devious.

"I can't believe you guys actually came with us!" I managed to get out before falling into another fit of giggles.

"Oh like you had nothing to do with that," he laughed, before pressing a kiss to my temple. My heart fluttered again as he began to sing softly in my ear.

_...Girl when we started, baby, we were friends..._

My mouth went dry at the sound of Edward singing an *NSYNC song to me. Sure I was ten years old when the boyband phase was in full swing, but every one of their songs still had an impact on me when I heard them now. The songs brought back fond memories of the four of us - Edward, Emmett, Rose, and myself - and the memories were some of the happiest I have.

_...But that's not how this fairytale is gonna end..._

I wiped a fallen tear off my face as I listened to Edward sing. It wasn't fair really, that this gorgeous boy with his crazy hair and piercing green eyes could sing, too. I mean it wasn't enough for him to play the guitar _and_ the piano, he also had to be awesome at singing as well?

_...See I was thinking then it clicked one day..._

And to sing me this song? Off the top of his head. He was just too perfect for words at this point. We were almost to the bottom of the ride, but he kept singing, getting louder by the second.

_...That no one else has ever made me feel this way..._

People began looking at us as we inched closer to where we would be let off the ride. I could see Rose's eyes glimmering with excitement as Emmett bounced up and down like a kid in a candy store. I wasn't sure if he was so happy about Edward singing *NSYNC in public and the future jokes he could make at his expense or if he was happy that the evil ferris wheel ride was almost over.

I figured if he did try to make fun of Edward for serenading me a la Justin Timberlake, I would tell everyone in Forks how big of a pansy Emmett Cullen was when he cried over the big scary ferris wheel.

_...The next time I saw you girl, I knew I had to try..._

The ferris wheel operator looked at Edward and I like we were high as he opened our basket door and Edward led me out by the hand, never stopping his singing. Rose and Emmett bounded out of their basket as quick as they could to witness the rest of Edward's impromptu show.

_...To tell you everything I was feeling deep inside..._

I smiled brightly, I'm sure blushing ten shades of red but loving every second of what Edward was doing for me. He twirled me around as he sang again.

_...And listen good 'cause what I say is from my heart, so if you're ready..._

Emmett and Rosalie jumped behind Edward helping him to sing the chorus. I giggled again seeing Rose dancing inbetween Edward and Emmett, singing at the top of her lungs.

_...You see I toss and turn when I'm alone and I just can't wait 'till you get home...  
...Waiting for your call 'cause tonight we're gonna do it all...  
...Girl, it's just the two of us..._

I clapped loudly at the three idiots I called my best friends and ran to tackle them into a hug. It seemed like the whole boardwalk had stopped to look at us but I didn't care.

In that moment, everything was perfect.

Everything.

----

"Now, no sneaking off to the girls' room, do you hear me, Emmett Dale? Edward Anthony? I mean it. No monkey business!"

Bella laughed quietly at Edward and Emmett's shamed face as Renee wagged her finger at the boys.

"Five minutes, girls. Then bed," she warned before kissing us both on the forehead and heading for her room. Why did she have to start being a Mom now? Five years with no parental guidance and all of a sudden I had rules to follow? Psh.

I would have broken the rules but Edward insisted we follow them. Goody two-shoes, but still hot.

Emmett immediately pulled Rose outside on the porch so that they could say goodnight to one another and Edward and I could have some alone time as well.

Edward pulled me onto his lap, smoothing my hair down as he kissed each of my eyes.

"That was some show tonight," I whispered as I felt his lips feather my eyelids.

"You're some girl and I knew you'd like it."

"I _loved_ it," I corrected as he chuckled.

"I love _you_," he murmured before pulling me into a kiss.

We hadn't meant for it to be anything serious but the second our lips touched it was like the whole room became charged with an electric current. I wasn't able to get enough of him as I pushed myself closer and closer to his body. My hips bucked involuntarily overtop of him and I felt him moan into my mouth.

The sound was enough to make me jump him right there.

"Edward," I moaned out, as his fingers danced over the slight bit of skin on my back that was exposed.

"Bella," he said as he left a trail of kisses from my neck to my ear.

Before we could go any further, we heard Em and Rose come back into the room and I hopped off of Edward's lap, grumbling.

"Patience, love," Edward cooed in my ear.

I nodded my agreement and kissed him chastely before heading to the guest room with Rose. Before we were out of the room I heard Emmett growl to Edward, "Just think, Rose and Bella are going to be in the same BED tonight, Eddie-boy. I'll be joining you in boner land."

I started laughing as I heard Edward hit Emmett with a pillow and tell him he's fucking weird for saying that.

_I love those boys._

_----_

As Rose and I were getting ready for bed I could tell she was dying to ask me something so I rolled my eyes and told her to ask already.

"So? What are you guys?"

Hmmm...good question. We never really talked about the whole boyfriend/girlfriend label. I was only going on an assumption that that was indeed what we are. I mean, you don't usually tell your best friend you're in love with them, right? I mean it had to have meant something big, doesn't it?

"I...don't know," I admitted.

My panicked thoughts filled my head until I heard the buzzing of my phone. I scrambled over to pick it up. It was a text from Edward and my heart did a little pitter patter.

_1 New Message_

I forgot to ask you...will you be my girlfriend?  
I love you.

_-Edward_

I hastily began to type out my reply.

_1 New Message to Edward_

_Like you had to ask...of course!  
I love you, too. _

_-Bell_

Not even a second after the message went through Edward was in the door and lying next to me. He grabbed my face and kissed me squarely on the lips.

"Now I can go to sleep," he said quietly, before kissing me again.

"Well thank God for that, seeing as I was trying to sleep before you just barged your skinny ass in here," Rose barked out, trying to supress a giggle. She just loved being a bitch to Edward - she wasn't trying to sleep.

"Just 'cause I'm not beefed up on steiroids like Mr. Universe in there doesn't mean I'm skinny," Edward argued.

I agreed quickly, leaning up to give him one last kiss before bed.

"Good night, girlfriend," he said quietly.

I smiled and blushed. "Good night, boyfriend."

"Ugh, gag me. Goodnight Dickward. Go to sleep!"

I giggled as he walked out of the door, closing it quietly behind him.

"Bella?" came Rose's voice after awhile.

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad things worked out for you two," she admitted quietly.

I sighed contentedly. "Me too, Rose. Me too."

And even though I knew I still had to have an awkward conversation with Jasper and maybe with Alice, too, I was content to fall asleep with a smile on my face.

I was going out with my best friend.

My boyfriend is Edward Cullen.

Wow.

----

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